Saturday, December 29, 2007 at 10:40 PM | 0 comments  

Consequences Un-foretold

The weight on my shoulders
Is mine alone
Things that I did
Consequences un-foretold

I bear the weight now
Trudging through the pain
I want to change
Don't wanna stay the same

It feels like I've lost
Something that wasn't mine
Maybe I'll find it
When it's right, when it's time

Like a child in a park
A maze to explore
The world is my playground
I'm sure there's more

Reaching for the stars
With feet firm on the ground
When I'm ready to shine
I wonder if you'll still be around


29 December 2007


Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Friday, December 28, 2007 at 10:43 AM | 0 comments  
I try to resist writing long entries because most people would probably just scan through it. Sometimes, I just can't resist.

So... I've been trying to live based on this statement, "To truly grow as an individual, one has to expose himself to new experiences and challenge his own limiting beliefs."

I've been doing okay. This is not something easy for an introvert who feels most comfortable inside his own head. Islam is a social religion. To be a good muslim, I have to change. Learning to interact well with other people would definitely benefit myself and insyaAllah to other people as well.

Albeit still learning, it gets easier trying to get myself to be more out there. Exposing myself to different experiences and people only serves to remind myself I have still a lot to learn.

It's always a humbling experience to be around peers who are more knowlegeable in Islam. At times, even demoralizing, just thinking who am I in the eyes of Allah. It still gets me, only for short while... and I see it as a good thing. I see it as something to motivate me to trudge on.

I am done living in self pity and sticking to the status quo. I wasted a lot of my time on that. Islam has taught me to live today better than I was yesterday. And tomorrow to be better than today. This by itself is a powerful and empowering notion. This drives me to do things with itqan. Doing the best that I can in everything that I do.

Whenever I feel that I am way behind compared to my peers, I think of this notion, suck it up, re-check my ego and move on. In fact, I am grateful to have these people around.

How does one keep track that today is better than yesterday? The way that I do it is by keeping a muhasabah book. Muhasabah means introspection. What I do is I will try to review what I have done during the day and write my thoughts on how I could have done things better as a muslim. I will review what I have written and strive to change for the better when a new day comes. Writing works for me but may not work for others. Maybe you could just think it through after your solat. Perhaps even talk it through with a close friend. Whatever works for you.

Whatever works for you..... What works for me will not necessarily work for you. A major part of living a rewarding life is to understand yourself. It took me a long time for me to understand myself. Life has been changing for the better ever since. The search of self-discovery is unique to every individual, i guess. If there are tips that I can give, it would be back to what I said earlier, expose yourself to new things. Esteem problems can be a killer. It can stop you from trying. Start small, keep track through muhasabah. Get more knowledge of every kind. When you need to, seek help from someone who is qualified to give advice.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Tuesday, December 25, 2007 at 11:23 AM | 0 comments  
Last Sunday NurIkhwan organised a hike at McRitchie. Did some ice breaking. Food was good. Got to know more about one another. It was a day well spent. It was more casual compared to the hike NYPMS organized 2 years ago. It gave the participants more opportunity to mingle. The tasks were fun.

I learnt something about myself in the process. A 'weakness' of mine. I suppose I have to learn to conform to the majority when doing certain things.

Being in McRitchie, and the fact that the rain poured around the same time as it did 2 years ago brought back memories. People who were in NYPMS and the people who are in it now. The way that I saw NYPMS and the way that I see it now.

I see myself taking a different role in NYPMS soon and pass it down. There's still some loose ends to tie. I pray that I can pass it down in a good condition.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: , ,
Friday, December 21, 2007 at 8:20 AM | 0 comments  
It has been uploaded and hopefully it will be able to create a ripple, if not, a wave in cyberspace. We learnt a lot from this experience and insyaAllah, we will better our efforts for future videos.

Albeit a little late at releasing the video, I must congratulate the entire team for their enthusiasm especially, and the time that they have put into this video. I feel that it is a decent end-product for a first attempt within a short time frame.

Posted by Firdaus Labels: , ,
Thursday, December 20, 2007 at 9:58 PM | 0 comments  
Happy Eid Adha to everyone.

Went shooting at Geylang Serai on Monday for NYPMS network's video on Eid Adha. We want to find out the public's view of Eid Adha and raise awareness in some areas regarding the joyous festival. I was there with the cameraman, none other than Azmi. Our interviewers Huda and Syaheer. Azhar was there after his class.

On Tuesday, the members came to my place to do the editing. Appreciate their help. Azmi came first. Then Aminah and Huda. Followed by Ishak, then Syaheer. Hilwan popped by after his work. Appreciate every help that you guys put in, at the same there's a lot that I learnt from this experience.

We'll have a postmortem of this project real soon. Actually, I'm rendering out the movie as I am typing this.

On Wednesday, I had to rush things trying to finish the video by 5pm. We wanted to have a launch of the video during a overnight camp in conjunction of Eid Adha. Unfortunately, the camp didn't materialize. Had a great experience working under pressure though. Did a 'private' screening and got some feedbacks.

And today... I should have started sending the videos to everyone. I tried to improve the video from the feedback that we received since it carries the brand name of NYPMS network. Pretty pleased with the end result. Currently playing the waiting game of rendering and compressing and will be uploading it on youtube.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: , ,
Friday, December 14, 2007 at 5:57 AM | 0 comments  
After today, 2 weeks of term break begins. Yay!! Time to wind down a little and catch up on school work, freelance work and nypmsn. Big Bro is getting married tomorrow. Sekejap lagi sedara2 dah start datang untuk rewang. I did my fair share of helping out with designing invitation cards and posters. Could have helped out more in the printing part more though. Will play another part tomorrow as saksi and most probably handling of guests and whatever else.

Why am I blogging at this hour? Didnt sleep last night.. had to finish up scanning of drawing assignment. Yup, it's finally done. Had a short nap in the afternoon yesterday though. Later today would probably be another long day, hopefully not entirely work.

Though the week had been hectic, I believe that there is time for everything if you set some time for Allah. By everything here, I mean proper management of time for different things. I can safely say I can feel the sweetness of reading once again. Reading time is relaxing time. Like I said, there is time for everything.
Posted by Firdaus
Thursday, December 6, 2007 at 9:06 PM | 0 comments  
There's more drawing to be done but I'm forced to take a break from it all. It's back.... and it's a good sign. The pain in my hand that spreads until the back. I have been drawing overtime for assignments and freelance work.

I haven't suffered from this overdrawing for quite some time. It was a frequent occurrence for me the first year and the half of polytechnic. Those were my super-on days with a 3.9 GPA.

That pain in my hand was among the things that I was thinking about. I was putting lots of effort into my schoolwork. When the pain came, it got me thinking, "What if Allah decided to take the nikmat of the use of my hand and I could not draw for a living?"

That's a scary thought. Will I be ready if that happens to me? Cut things short, that thought and many other thoughts boiled up to one big dilemma and one big question, "What's my next move?" You may want to refer to one of my earliest entries.

I took the whole episode as a lesson to learn, and I am still learning to better myself.

Back to the pain. I have a theory as to how I got it. I could be very wrong but I think I first got it while I was working in the airport as a screener. I think when I placed my hand into the x-ray machine to grab a bag(My job was to screen people and check the luggage before people boarded planes). That's when I remember feeling that same pain for the first time. Again... that's just my theory and maybe I am just being paranoid.

Anyway, I try to see the pain as an old friend who checks up on me once in a while. Especially if I am consumed with work. I shall quote Aldous Huxley who once said, "They intoxicate themselves with work so that they won't see how they really are."

Pure hard work is good. However, some people use work as a drug to numb themselves from the real issues that they really need to tackle. Just something to ponder on. Don't be a sloth either.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Tuesday, December 4, 2007 at 9:22 PM | 0 comments  
The last couple of weeks had been testing for me. My head and my heart had an epic battle with one another. Now, it seems that the storm has subsided and there's only calm waters in the horizon. Both the head and the heart have said what they needed to and they have come up with a truce.

It made me see clearer of the obstacles that I need to overcome. Some things will need to wait, some things I will need to attend to immediately, other things I need to consistently attend to. :)
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Friday, November 30, 2007 at 8:30 PM | 0 comments  
My 16 year old cousin passed away last night around maghrib. The first of the cousins to go. It serves as a reminder for the rest of us that this life is just a test.

another entry whereby mere words can't describe the experience... i'll leave it as this
Posted by Firdaus
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 at 7:41 AM | 0 comments  
I'm feeling kinda stupid right about now, trying to play a game I am totally alien at. It's okay though. Still crashing and burning through life experiences and taking in the lessons along the way. I don't let these things get to me so much now since I value the lessons that I get to learn from them.

It's totally fine to feel stupid once in a while. It lets you feel grounded and not get big headed.

Don't watch this
if you have better things to do.



Introspective Emo Power.... lol.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 at 8:26 PM | 0 comments  
It's the school holidays for the little kids. It's also typically the season of weddings. A friend of has been saying, "Asyik dapat saman jer, aku pun nak saman orang". I understand the feeling. The 'saman' here is referring to wedding invitation. It's not surprising to be getting the invitations since my peers and I have come to an age where it is suitable to settle down.

The cherry on top of the icing will be my own brother's wedding in a couple of weeks. These got me thinking that marriage is a huge commitment and responsibility for anyone to take. At the same time, it would be nice to have a someone there for you.

I am going to this entry about me and say that I think it would be nice to have someone say the following words to me and really mean it.

Don't let your head rule you heart
Don't let your world be torn apart
Don't keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

I know Its hard when you're feeling down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes but doesn't everybody
You don't always have to agree with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far (what you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (Free)
Let all your emotions run free
You don't always have to agree
With someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me

On a side note, I feel guilty to long for such a thing when I am still dealing with the anxiety of 2 posts ago. Confusing times.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, November 26, 2007 at 10:35 AM | 0 comments  
When the truth gets presented right in front of your face, the worst thing a person can do is to deny the truth and go against it out of arrogance. If you fail to introspect the err of your action, your heart will be blinded from the truth.

As you go through life, and insist living life the same way, your heart will continue to be engulfed by a blanket your own arrogance. Don't let your heart be closed from receiving and accepting the light of the truth. This will be your ultimate downfall.

If you are not ready to accept the truth, don't go against it. Admit that you are not ready for a change at that moment. At your own time, get back to the truth and think about it. Get away from worldly distractions and really think about it. Pray that the light of the truth will guide you and mend your ways.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Thursday, November 22, 2007 at 11:57 PM | 0 comments  
Today, I got a shock to hear that my 16 year-old cousin got hospitalized. She was having an asthma attack and fainted. Her dad was there to rush to the hospital. The vital organs including the heart and brain stopped for 5 minutes. She's in comatose now.

I just pray that she'll recover fully soon and that the family will be strong enough to go through this.

We are all living on borrowed time... Allah's.
Posted by Firdaus
I was surfing youtube with the intention of inspiring myself with Islam. Here's what I found...



NYPMS Network can do something like this to change the general perception of Islam. Current Affairs Department... something for you guys to think about.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: , ,
Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 8:53 PM | 0 comments  
Yesterday, by far, was the most meaningful meeting that we had as a club. Started the meeting at 8.30am. I am really glad that you guys are willing to share your hopes and then some more. Delegated jobs to be done but still lots to be done in the near future.

Finally, we got to change the carpets on blk L and blk E mussolah to rubber tiles. I believe we got a good price for the rubber tiles thanks to Siti. Siti only brought a sample. Therefore we needed to get more. Syaheer suggested that the two of us go get more supply. I think it's more because he was ever so enthusiastic to get a chance to pillion on my bike. We took the chance to brave through the dark clouds towards Toa Payoh Lor 1.

It drizzled a bit when we made our way back to school. I'll say this again, "Sorry for the visorless helmet Syaheer." He took some hits from the rain. Haha.... all for a good cause. The day in school ended by around 4pm. Glad that was done and over with. Looking forward for more challenges.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, November 12, 2007 at 3:13 PM | 0 comments  
I found myself in a situation whereby I was having a conversation very comfortably. I stopped, zoned back into my head and thought to myself, "I feel at peace between my outside world and the world in my head. The two realms can co-exist peacefully. There's still hope for me."
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 10:18 PM | 0 comments  
I feel that I need to elaborate on my previous entry....

Problems, or rather, challenges is a fact of life that nobody can run away from. It's going to be there no matter what. I'm old enough to understand that and accept it as a fact of life. I am perfectly fine with it as Allah mentioned in the Quran:

“No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear…”

Surah
Al-Baqarah [2:233]

Life is just a test for us mere mortals. Some loses faith of the Creator when faced with problems. They lose faith with the seemingly unfair world. The reason it seems unfair is because it is merely a test and life does not end when you die. The eternal life is in the afterlife. You'll be graded and be sent to either heaven of hell.

My previous entry was more of a realisation of the existence of my ego. Of my feeling that my problems are bigger that anyone else's. I suppose its natural, as with everyone else, to see your problem as a higher priority than other people's problems .

However, as I open my mind to everything around me and interacting a little more with the people around me, I have come to realise that everyone has his own challenges to overcome. What makes mine so special? And those with chronic illnesses... I wonder if I could face such challenges. If we learn to empathise and help one another, life will be so much better for everyone.

Don't be happy if your life seems to be smooth sailing. It only means that Allah is fair. And that you are not strong enough to be tested.

Is that a good thing? Hardly. It means that you will need to introspect your self. Something is probably still missing.

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying "We believe" and that they will not be tested?
Surah Al-Ankabut [29:1]


In conclusion, my challenges are not bigger than anyone else's. It is designed in such a way that I would be rewarded if I am able to react to it in the correct manner. When I do well, I get rewarded. If not in this lifetime, I'll get it in the hereafter.

So, for those of you facing challenges in your life right now, don't despair. You can always turn to Allah for help. You can always try to approach me for help. And the way I will react...... that will be my challenge.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Sunday, November 4, 2007 at 9:25 AM | 0 comments  
Most of the times, I feel that the problems I face in my life are so much bigger than everyone else's. But seriously, who am I kidding?
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,

The following is a description of an INTJ(google that to find out more). The tests take I have taken online have shown that I belong to this group although I am borderline in the Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving part. Should you wish to try to understand me better, read on. (in brackets are my added comments)

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it(too much at times, that it feels overwhelming). They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way(i love to understand just as much). Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure(leaving things to chance feels stressful, but it helps that I have people around whom I trust around as support) and organization usually requires that they take some action.

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems(altogether now, SYSTEMS) and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions(it's like a huge web whereby I need to consider every aspect of ideas before forming my own concept of understanding on a particular subject; at times seemingly impossible to put together). The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand(it's just hard for me to explain things). However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable(takes lots of pre-planning), rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts(the little creatures crawling all over the web). They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction(it's not that I don't want to share during brainstorming, it takes time for my cookies to bake. And I don't like half-baked cookies) and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort(Yes, I keep on trying).

INTJs are natural leaders(Amin. I really hope I can be one), although they usually choose to remain in the background(I don't need all that attention) until they see a real need to take over the lead(if it is worth upholding). When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective(as with anything else, with enough practice of course), because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings(this part is not true of me, quite the opposite actually). Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed(but this part, sadly, apply to me). Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas(tell me if this happens).

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system(everything leads to that the big picture). Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things(of course I am, until you can convince me otherwise: and I will listen and put in effort to re-think again). Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party(haiz..... gajah depan mata tak nampak, nyamuk kat sembarang laut tu boleh nampak pulak?? this was so true that my personal growth was impeded for a very long time. Alhamdulillah I see my flaws and strive to change), rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves(isn't it obvious to you? you mean i actually have to explain to you...okay...i'll make a note of it). This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious(silently), self-confident(only recently... after realizing I will never be like the majority and I don't need to), deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns(it's called systems :) ).

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ(duh! and good luck trying, took me forever just to start understanding that. however, i feels there is a hikmah behind it). They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others(i love u too... did i say that out loud?..... it just feels weird or wrong..... unnatural.... that's the word i'm looking for), they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something(true).

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive(i'm not even gonna say), Sensate activities, such as over-drinking(definitely NOT!! i don't smoke either. never tried. been offered a couple of times. but still, never. i've told that i've tried to some people though, due to peer pressure. astaghfirullah.). They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal(this is a killer tendency).

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things(i think everybody does.... as for me, i have to overcome the social aspect first; that's a pain. it's very draining to be around people) They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Sunday, October 28, 2007 at 10:24 PM | 0 comments  
I should have blogged about this earlier as a pre-cursor to Hari Raya visiting.

This is regarding the salam (greetings by means of shaking hands). This act is a sunnah when meeting and leaving fellow muslims. However one must be reminded that such an act is prohibited between opposite genders unless that other person is your mahram.

The act of salam involves touching. This is clearly prohibited between non-mahrams. As Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove/School would say, "No... Touchy."

A mahram can be defined as a person whom you cannot marry. We are talking about opposite genders here. No 377A hoo-hahs here. Islam is clearly against homosexuality.

So, who exactly constitute as a person's mahram?

Let's look at the following quran verses...

And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way. (22) Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allâh is Oft¬Forgiving, Most Merciful. (23)

Surah An-Nisa (22-23)

In summary, people who are considered mahrams are divided into 3 parts (this is from the perspective of a woman.... a similar manner can be derived for a man) :

  1. permanent or blood mahrams with whom you become mahram by a blood relationship:
    1. father, grandfather, great-grandfather and so on;
    2. brother;
    3. son, grandson, great-grandson;
    4. uncle, parents' uncle, grandparents' uncle and so on;
    5. nephew, grandnephew, great-grandnephew and so on;

  2. in-law mahrams with whom you become mahram by marrying someone:
    1. father-in-law;
    2. son-in-law;
    3. step-father (mother's husband) if their marriage is consummated;
    4. step-son (husband's son) if her marriage is consummated;

  3. radha' or milk-suckling mahrams with whom you become mahram because of being nursed by a woman. When a woman acts as a wetnurse (that is, she breast feeds an infant that is not her own child) for a certain amount of time under certain conditions, she becomes the child's radha mother and all said about blood mahrams applies here, like radha father/mother, radha sister/brother, radha aunt/uncle and so on. In English these can be referred to as milk brother, milk-mother, etc.

This means that if you are a guy, you can salam your mother's/father's sister. Your grandmother's/grandfather's sister. Your great-grandmother's/great-grandmother's sister and so on.

This also means that if you are a guy, you cannot salam your uncle's(either your mother's or father's brother) wife.

This also means that my Uncle Taufik Batisah, in theory, can salam my great-great-grandmother.

According to Mazhab Syafi'i's teachings, touching a non-mahram is permissable in darurat cases such as treating a sickness, dentistry, surgery and the likes if there is no other like genders around to perform the same job.

For me, sometimes it's very hard to say no when the non-mahram extends her hand and say,"tak salam?" Especially if she's within family but still not considered mahram. One still cannot regard this as darurat. Even if it becomes a norm in society, it does not make the wrong thing right.

We have to be strong to put the commands of Allah at its place. Should we slip, we should seek forgiveness and pray that we will be stronger in the future.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: , , ,
Yesterday, my kindergarten one sister was eating biscuits with tea. She made quite a mess with the biscuit crumbs. I decided to help clear the crumbs and armed myself with a broomstick on one hand and a dustpan on the other.

When I was done sweeping, I headed back to the kitchen to empty the dustpan. At the same time my sister was done with her little brunch and was skipping into the kitchen to place her almost empty IKEA porcelain cup of tea on the kitchen of the cabinet. She barely placed the cup on the cabinet before she was dashing off back to the television. She somehow pulled the cup off the cabinet as she was letting go of it.

Everything happened while I was next to her. I saw that the cup was going to slip off the cabinet. My ninja reflex told me to stretch my legs to an almost full split position. It helped that the surface of the kitchen floor is very slidable. The reason I did that was to avoid from getting hit from the pieces of the broken cup when it hits the floor. Innalillah wa inna lillahi rajiun. By this time, little sis was already 2 meters away from the whole thing.

I might have been able to let go my dustpan and caught the falling cup in time if I had stayed in ninja school longer. Alas, I stopped ninja training at brown belt and have been living a pretty sedentary lifestyle post national service days.

That impromptu action resulted a cramp. Hence I was spending Hari Raya Visiting with a cramp.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Tuesday, October 23, 2007 at 10:45 PM | 0 comments  

Journey

Life is one complicated journey
You can never be too sure

What will happen till it happens
Walking through time

There's bound to be regrets

Don't let them eat you away

Initial disappointments inevitable
Rise up from the dead

Or die before your soul separates from your body

Change

Something that you must face

Either you change yourself

Or let things change for the worse naturally

Life is your journey

Basically you choose your path

Answering the choices
you make
And end up dying for it


29 December 1998

Looking back at this. I see that I had an idea of how to get out from whatever situation that I was going through.

What was difficult was probably not having the confidence to begin with. And get help. Getting help is important. I learnt that from Man-At-Arms from the newer He-Man cartoon series. He-Man the cartoon serious has a tradition of sharing the lesson learnt from the story after every episode. From that particular episode, Man-At-Arms was saying that getting help is a sign of strength. Of course you don't ask for help for every little thing.

"Asking for help is a sign of strength."

Learning life lessons from cartoons?? Whatever works for you Fir... Weird?... maybe a little. But I hope my animation can have the same kind of effect on others.

Force yourself, especially when you are feeling inspired to change. Start small and eventually you will stretch your comfort zone. Easier said than done, but not impossible.

Change is a small word that is so hard to do. Just as with anything else, it gets easier with practise.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, October 22, 2007 at 8:59 AM | 0 comments  
Taking a break to finally blog on Raya this year. School just started last week and I have been busy with some other things...

The first day of Raya is different this year. Nenek(grandma) celebrated Eid fitri in the holy land of Mekah. Therefore, there wasn't the usual gathering of uncles and aunts of my mother's side at home. Nenek lives with us.

The guys went to En-Naeem mosque to perform the Eid Fitri prayers. There was a jenazah on that day. That, sort of sets a different mood to the whole Raya feeling. It serves us as a reminder that death can come at any time.

Reflecting on it, I thought that, to have that many people pray for you is really something. But it must be totally devastating for his family though.

The sequence of the prayers was, firstly the Eid Fitri prayers, followed by the jenazah prayers. Finally, the Eid Fitri khutbah(sermon). Learnt something new.

Later at home, I hugged my parents and sought for forgiveness. Sought forgiveness from my siblings as well.

Then the raya-ing begins. First stop was of course, my paternal grandmother's place. Then it was off to Pak Busu's(youngest uncle) house. He lives just a few blocks from grandma. Unfortunately, this year when we made our way to his place, he was making his way to grandma's place. So, we didn't manage to stop by his place. However, we made a traditional stop to take a photograph at the mini garden next to the void deck of Pak Busu's place.

2005

2007

2007 with parents (dad is quite a poser)


2006's pic is lost in bro's stolen laptop. The so-called tradition might end this year, since big bro is getting married in December this year. Things will change and new traditions will emerge. :)
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 at 1:45 AM | 0 comments  
Last Sunday marks the end of iftars with tertiary institutions for me. Friday was with Ngee Ann Polytechnic's NPMSS and NPMCC. Saturday was with Singapore Polytechnic's SPMLS. While Sunday was with our ally Temasek Polytechnic's Nur Ikhwan. Too bad, I could only go after 6pm for Nur Ikhwan's event.

Went to the events as an avid observer, hoping to learn as much as I can. Came up with some conclusions.I shall share a little here. Saw familiar and new faces. Networked.

NP's video showcase was a smack in a face. It's a sad reality check for the muslims community. SP had a youthful ustaz share about the theme I am a H.I.P muslim. Humble, Intellectual and Passionate. I have my own interpretation to it. The better word for humble is qanaah. It means to remain unaffected whether a person praises you or criticizes you, for you know that whatever you do is for Allah. My word for passionate is itqan. It is to give your best in whatever you do.

TP's helping to clean the old folks homes and befriending is commendable. Let's not make it a once a year thing. Make it a part of life. Talk to the old man who always sit at your void deck. Go down 15 minutes earlier when you are fetching your little sister, who takes the school bus, from the void deck. Not only will you be a listening ear for them, you can learn about things of the past that you never knew about. Hear their regrets in life and aim not to repeat their mistakes. It will make you want to prepare for old age.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Friday, October 5, 2007 at 1:47 AM | 2 comments  
Animation has sort of taken a back seat for me for a while. Been trying out other stuffs to get that perfect balance out of life. School will be opening school and it feels like I am returning back to reality somewhat.

The challenges ahead....

I see animation very differently now. I see it as a tool to my bigger purpose in life.

I was reading the papers. It's about the comic "The 99". Read about it some time ago and now its being sold in Indonesia for S$3 for each issue. I do not agree with the whole 99 thing. The story is such that, there are 99 noor stones will give man superpowers.

It is based on the 99 names of Allah which are also His attributes. Whoever bears the stones will gain the superpower similar to Allah's attribute.

I tried searching for my akidah book to confirm this.... but will have to rely on my memory for now. Correct me if I'm wrong, one cannot be named after the 99 names like the characters, Jabbar and Sami'. Instead one can be named as such only with a prefix of Abdul which means servant of. So it should be Abdul Jabbar and Abdul Sami' instead.

There are attributes of of Allah that as humans, we can strive to emulate. But there are attributes that solely belongs to Allah. One can sense that something is not quite right just by a quick browse of the comic. The female superheros are not even covered up. The whole fantasy story might do harm to the akidah of the muslim youths who reads such books. It sounds almost hypocritical for me to say that this fantasy world will do harm. I grew up with influence of fantasy of cartoon world and even enjoying them. However, I have come to understand that they are also a form of distraction.

Pretty screwed that I chose to pursue animation as a career. Not quite. I do still have choices. Let's now talk about Malaysian animation. I feel that Malaysia's animation is on the rise. First there was Saladin. Now there's Upin and Ipin by Les' Copaque. Upin and Ipin is a light hearted animation fit for the family. The kind that I would love making. It's encouraging to see fellow Malays doing these things. It's giving me the drive to pick animation back up where I left it. Singapore is cool with its democracy system and all, but one cannot deny the race connection. It's currently being played on malaysian cable TV9. But of course, there's youtube.


A clip for this Ramadhan.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Thursday, October 4, 2007 at 1:00 AM | 0 comments  
wednesday
Last Wednesday, broke fast at Republic Polytechnic with NYPMSN peeps. It was pleasant and I wish I could have stayed longer.

saturday
Last Saturday, my grandmother flew to perform Umrah. It's a mini pilgrimage. It can be done at any time unlike the Haj which is done during its season. The family saw her off at the airport. I remember when I went for Umrah with her back in 99. I was ignorant then. Oblivious to many things in many ways. During that Umrah we made a stop to Palestein as well. A memory I hold on to very dearly. The highest sought piece of real estate in the world.

That very piece of land is the center stage for the bigger things that are in motion in the world.

I'll make doa that I will be able to perform my Haj in due time.

The family prayed maghrib at Darul Ghufran and somehow ended up at Kampung Chai Chee after driving around to find a place to break fast.

sunday
The next day, after my weekly religious class, broke fast with the nypmsn peeps and alumnis at Chai Chee Seafood. All I'm saying is that there's a lesson we learnt.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: , ,
Saturday, September 29, 2007 at 1:10 AM | 3 comments  
It takes all kind to make a team, which one are you?

Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 11:44 AM | 0 comments  
Labels. We all live with labels. We grow into some labels naturally. Some labels are put upon us by others just as we have a tendency to label others. Then there are labels that we give to our own selves.

A label is an identity. An identity becomes the essence of who you are as a person. A label can be good or bad. Sometimes, people around you positively label you. Unknown to them, it becomes a pressure to meet the expectations of others. It makes you wish that they had not known that part of you.

However, if you take the pressure positively, things will turn out fine. The important thing is to try. Don't be upset if you fail to meet their expectations, to please everyone is impossible. However, to please Allah and attain His blessings is actually possible.

Then there are the negative labels from others. The best way to fight this is to turn a deaf ear. Easier said than done. But we should still try and don't allow others to limit us.

And if you are ever thinking labelling yourself negatively........STOP! It's a trap. Eject, eject!!

Then there are the positive labels that you put upon yourself. It's just as pressurizing as positive labels from others but you do it as food for your soul. That's what I did in my Pergas class last week.

Each student was supposed find about science and al-Quran by picking out an ayat(sentence). I did a demo using the Harfiyah system to translate. The rest of my presentation was bad. Well, I had iftar to worry about and a test to sit (excuses).

Well, little things like these don't bother me anymore. Not as much anyway. Alhamdulillah.

I felt obliged to share probably because it's the blessed month of Ramadhan. The month of Nuzul Al-Quran. It's a joy to know the meaning of what you are reading. Its been close to 3 years of studying to translate the Quran with the Harfiyah system.

A Harfiyah proponent. That's my new label. For the most of us who don't speak arabic, this system is good at bridging our understanding of the Al-Quran. I must remind that we should not take the translation of the Al-Quran to our own interpretations. We should always refer to the many tafseer books around for a better understanding.

I still have a lot to learn, though. One would assume I have learnt a lot in 3 years. Well, I should have. It's a weekly class of 1 hour plus each. I did most of the learning in the class itself when I should be revising everyday. I suppose it's the barakah of istiqamah that makes me want to take this to a different level.

My ustaz continuously reminds us that we must have a desire in us to learn the Quran and teach it to others. I want to move into the teaching part. But I shall start by pointing out to others the direction. There's a class on Tuesday nights which just began. I want to join this class as a refresher. Anybody care to join? I will need to plan my timetable though to see if this could work out nicely when the new term starts.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Sunday, September 16, 2007 at 11:34 PM | 0 comments  
There is so much thoughts that I want to share here which finally remain in the draft section. Anyway, had a NYPMSN meeting at Youth Hub Masjid Kassim. Pretty cool place.

Will sign off by saying Ramadhan Mubarak and let this Ramadhan be your best. Amin.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Friday, September 7, 2007 at 1:28 AM | 2 comments  

Uncertainty

Sometimes I feel lonesome
Sometimes I feel empty
I get scared
For what's waiting for me
Sometimes we refuse
To believe what we know
Sometimes we ignore
Things we believe in
Turn your head away
But never will it make
The sufferings go away

17 May 2000

Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Wednesday, September 5, 2007 at 11:13 PM | 0 comments  
Yesterday, I was stopped by 2 men in a van saying they had a home theatre system to give away. Well, I had some free time and so I entertained them. Basically they were trying to sell a $3000 system(as claimed by them) at the highest price that I can quote them. Now isn't that queer. The reason given is that they just want to clear stock for the day since someone accidentally made some extra orders. They claim they had to rush back soon(part of their trick). They were saying that it was my lucky day and that they only want some money to drink at night(big mistake). That made me doubt them more.

I was almost convinced. I chose to seek a second opinion through a phone call. I discovered that this scam has been around for some time. From what I hear, they work in 2s trying to sell cheap speakers claiming them to be of high quality. They would issue receipts after the purchase was made.

Maybe I'll make a police report tomorrow. So, just be wary of this.

And earlier today, I was woken up but a sharp sting on my right thigh. I saw a black insect flying off. So my thigh is still a bit swollen right about now. Upon self reflection, I feel that I should not waste my time sleeping too much. If it takes a bite from a bug to make me realise that, so be it. Alhamdulillah.

Also, I'm trying my hands on freelancing. Hope it turns out good.
Posted by Firdaus
Sunday, September 2, 2007 at 8:47 PM | 0 comments  
NYPMSN had an Amazing Race event in Sentosa yesterday. Read more about it on NYPMSN's blog.

Posted here.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, August 27, 2007 at 1:39 AM | 2 comments  
I was watching national geographic last Sunday about telepathy. It covered on remote viewing as well. Remote viewing is the ability to view something at the other side of the world by concentrating on the coordinates. Remote viewing became a method of intelligence gathering by the American military. The project is claimed to be closed down after 20 years. In my opinion it is probably another disinforming ploy. Disinforming is a term UFO conspiracy theorists use to describe when the governing tell half truths and wrap it with lies. Then takes back what they said and come up with some other reason. Basically, the idea is just to confuse the public so that they will eventually dismiss the whole thing as a myth. No, I am not saying that aliens exist. They are probably jinns or syaithans. I have a personal opinion that the government of the syaithan is where the Bermuda triangle is.

These are not new to me. It's the kind of things that I read about 10 years ago(i am so old). I get myself absorbed in UFOs, conspiracy theories, teleportation experiments like the Philadelphia Project. Werewolves and other creatures were also pet subjects.

Then I moved to different phases where I concentrated on different kind of books. There was self-development, psychology, html, michael crichton books and martial arts among others.

I suppose I did that to satisfy my inner world where I'm most comfortable with. I was looking for something to fill the void inside. It was a search without an end. Apparently I was looking for the wrong things. Alhamdulillah, I know better now. Now I get fascinated by science and the Quran. The history of Rasulullah and his companions. Life has to be balanced, we have to seek both duniawi (world) and ukhrawi (hereafter). Even when we seek for duniawi it has to be with the intention of doing it for Allah. Only then will life be blessed.

I know better now but trying to escape from shadows of the past can still be a pain.

"Wahai Tuhanku, yang menukar-balikkan hati. Balikkanlah hati kami untuk taat kepada-Mu."
(Muslim)
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Tuesday, August 21, 2007 at 6:26 PM | 0 comments  
Stringing words into sentences is a magical thing. It's amazing how scribblings on a piece of paper is able to convey a message, an emotion. Stringing words into lyrics of a song and poems is an art in itself. Whether or not the outcome becomes a positive influence to others is another question.

Writing a piece of poetry on a piece of paper is like blogging. It is making a statement from within the self and becomes engraved on paper or cyberspace for other beings to see. Like blogging, it is a form of expression. It is like saying,"Been there done that, so judge me.... i don't care."

'i don't care' is in red because this is not true most of the times. What it is really shouting for is for the connection with a fellow human being. It is like saying, "I am human too.... you know what I'm saying."

What makes a particular song, a painting, a photograph or a piece of poetry so endearing? It is because they are able to capture the emotion at that particular moment and make that connection with the person listening to the song or appreciating that piece of art. At times, the real emotion the creator expressed is not what you experience when you appreciate that piece of work. And it doesn't matter.

So here's a piece of carefully selected of poetry I wrote. Carefully selected because it is only as much that I am willing to risk exposing while quietly wishing to make a connection with whoever will be reading it.

Hope

I hope that life is better
When tomorrow comes
I would plan and plan
But the results don't come out
I wonder why my life sucks
But all I could do is sigh
I've tried and I still try
To make things work
But it's still the same
No matter the work
I always try to have happy thoughts
Like the way I felt the day I fell in love*
Just when I thought I was about to fly
Reality slaps hard on my face
I hope and I hope that there will be hope
For those who hope just to cope

18 June 1999


*
love here simply means the crushes that i had, nothing more

I can't believe that I am telling the world that I used to write poems. Think of it more as songwriting or whatever. It will seem cooler that way. These are very rap worthy. Try rapping it out.

Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Sunday, August 19, 2007 at 10:48 PM | 0 comments  
Ukhuwah is an annual sports, tele-match kind of event. We came as defending champions. Well, there were only 3 of us from the last year's team. We were all from the same PERGAS class except for one, my brother. One went off to Mekah to study. One is in national service. One decided to be a volunteer for the day, therefore did not participate. The other one completed studies from PERGAS already(imported player). Then, they had to split us up into different teams. The participants were split into 4 groups. Haziq was in group 1. Taufik was in group 4. I was in group 2, Team Dubai. Someone in my group changed places with Haziq so we ended in the same team.

We managed to complete all the games this year as it did not rain. It was fun. I believe we were leading until it was time for the final game, tug-of-war. We ended up last for that particular game. I did my best and I have rope burns to prove it. Taufik's group was the winning team. So, in a way we defended our title. Our group came in second. The class spirit element was missing but it is something that will eventually happen with the high mortality rate of the course.

Azhar was there too. What can I say, there's always next year. I'm sure you had fun. Team Bahrain was the most kecoh(havoc). No prizes for that.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 1:17 AM | 0 comments  
Wednesday's meeting was different. I had to tell eventually. It is something that people will eventually find out and I cannot go on concealing it.

Telling also means that people will probe for the reason. Forcing me to learn the things I should know by now.

Telling also means that people, being people, will start to form a different idea of me. It would be great to please everyone but it is humanly impossible. The better stand is to adopt the concept of mardhatillah(blessings of Allah). Whereby everything you do is for Allah. Life will become very focused.

This event becomes another memory in my head. It will be something that I compare against with my future experiences in life. My topic for today is change. We shall now go into why people adopt a particular set of behaviour in the first place. The memory, like the event that I had, is kept in the neurons in the brain. This particular memory then links to the previous experiences like a huge mind map. Feelings also get tied to memory. Basically, a certain set of memory will trigger the brain to instruct the body to release certain chemicals to the body that will create that sensation of happiness, sadness, love or any other emotion.

Why do people develop habits? Well, people are addicted to positive feelings and will want to avoid the negative ones as much as they can. When a particular kind of action is done again and again the pathways or bridges between the neurons get very strong. It is this connection that develop habits and is the same reason why people will feel a resistance against change. It is the mere act of trying to break these bridges that make change difficult.

Now imagine trying to break that bridges that has been fortified through 20 over years. Daunting... but not impossible. Just create a new set of experiences. It is only scary at that particular moment. You can give yourself a break after that.

The trick is to do it anyway even though it is hard. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Do something that scares you everyday."

I suppose that is how one can change himself and develop his character. I want to make this part of personal development. I will do something that scare me, maybe just once a week for now. Insyaallah.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, August 13, 2007 at 11:24 PM | 3 comments  
A name is something that you live by for the rest of your life. It's something that one are labelled with. I grew up having a dislike to my name. Heck, I disliked practically everything about myself when growing. Firstly its a name that non-native tongues find difficult to articulate. So, I would have to correct whenever someone tries to pronounce my name. For the last time, it's pronounced as (feer-da-os). Feer as in can you feel the feer. Da as in da(h). Os as in, not 1 O but 2 O's. Most of the times, I would not really bother. As long as it sounds okay to me.

With this name, I learnt to facilitate my teachers whenever they are checking for attendence. I would memorize whose name was before me and raise my hand when the teacher tried to say out my name. I know they appreciate that.

Didnt help either that there are 83749256 other Firdauses around. There's always another Firdaus around somewhere wherever I go.

As a kid, I found that the name was not funky enough. I felt it was old fashioned. I grew out of that phase and learnt to appreciate the name that my parents gave me when I learnt the meaning of my name. I also had an assumption that my name was spelled wrongly as I had a classmate named Firdhaus. In arabic, its the the letter dha instead of dal. Well, for all the Firdhauses out there, tough luck. You got your name spelled wrongly. I checked, that's not how it is spelled in the Quran. Having said that, I just checked my jawi(sort of arabic) spelling on my IC and realised that my jawi spelling is so wrong.

For those not in the know, Firdaus is the name of one of the heavens. I let that be a motivation in my life for the after-life. My name is Firdaus and it's a beautiful name. I recently found out from a Nigerian friend that Firdaus is a common name for the fairer gender in Nigeria. Well, I am still Firdaus and happy with it.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Sunday, August 12, 2007 at 11:19 AM | 0 comments  
Yesterday, we went to Sentosa to recce the place for NYPMSN's upcoming event.

Posted by Firdaus
Wednesday, August 8, 2007 at 2:58 PM | 3 comments  
Hmm... I suppose everyone has their own reasons for blogging.

As for me, well, I am done hiding a big part of me to myself. Carrying a secret around is a burden to the soul. Of course, some secrets are meant to be kept forever. For now, I am still more comfortable with typing out words than expressing them in spoken words. That is something I am continuously working on though. I let this blog be my words if they are left unspoken.

I don't want this blog to be seen as my cry for help to the world. It is here for people to understand me more. However if you feel you can help me in certain areas of my life, feel free to do so. I am still a student of life and I believe we should all help one another. Helping out others in areas we are strong at should be the way of life. We are made differently so that we may complement one another.

I am blogging because I see a positive potential in it. Reading some blogs has inspired me. I hope I can to the same to others. At this very moment, I still see myself at a training stage of my life preparing for something big that will come in my way. I do not know what it is yet and that is why I have be prepared.

I guess I am ready for the big reveal of this blog. I already have an alter-ego cartoon character of me drawn. No fancy blogskin for now. No time for that....gotta make up for lost time. For now I leave by saying,"Hello World!"
Posted by Firdaus
Sunday, August 5, 2007 at 11:30 AM | 1 comments  
Yesterday, I started the day by meeting a representative of Al-Huda mosque. Al-Huda intends to make an iftar collaboration with NYPMSN. I was briefed how the event would run. With a little more planning things should go as planned insyaallah. My main concern is to get the number of youths who would participate in this particular event.

We were thinking of having another iftar, but I am having a little reservation if we should have it. Unless it's another collaboration, I fear that we may not have enough manpower.

Then I left for the Ngee Ann Poly for a talk organised by NPMSS. Its a talk titled, 'I'm proud to be a Muslim and a Poly student.' It was another one of those think big, think of the future kind of motivational talks. I love those kind of talks. It recharges me to think big of my own future.

I also asked the question that had bogged me down for so long. Prior to this talk, I had already made up my mind that animation is okay. It's just that I will be restricted from doing a lot of things; which to me still sucks cause it means that I would never seen as the best(perfectionist trait of mine). But I supposed that I could make it work by being the best in my area, for educational purposes and mainly kids.

In the talk, Ustaz Haron was saying that we should take our learning as learning the knowledge of Allah. Back to my question, I was relating that our government is supporting new media and if muslims could be animators(I am concerned about the hukum for drawing living objects). I resisted from asking this question to any ustazs before this as I would need to ask opinions from other ustazs before coming to my conclusions and I expected that there would be 2 different answers which eventually lead to my own decision. But I had to ask the question this time as the topic was pretty much related to what I had to ask.

But what I failed to realise was that these ustazs would have more knowledge to base their final conclusion on, unlike me. I make my decisions only based on my limited experience and knowledge.

I got an answer which pleased me and put my mind at ease. He pulled out a point which I had missed totally. It's back to the intention. If a person draws something with the intention to outdo Allah's creation, then it would be haram. It is agreed by contemporary ulamaks that if the animation is done with the intention of good, then it is permissible. And I have to agree that the media is a very powerful tool in which, we, as muslims can spread the light of the truth. Once again I felt recharged but there would still be restrictions that I would have to abide to as an animator.

I was also inspired to continue my fight in life when he was saying that he was from secular school but was learning about the religion at the same time. I have come to a conclusion that I should work just as hard for my religious knowledge as to my secular academics. Only then would I be balanced and not be fooled by the materialistic world. And so, I reaffirmed my believe in a balanced pursuit for knowledge. (Azhar's father was saying the same thing about an ustaz friend of his back at Al-Huda mosque earlier). And he was also saying that he was reading at least a book a day. Reading, something that I wish to pick up again at a regular basis.

After the talk, I went back and got ready to go for my tahfiz class. The rest of the day had been inspiring, but I was put to a challenge this time round. I felt that I had tried had to memorize for the week. But somehow, it did not seem to show in the class. Maybe, I was already feeling drained and sleepy. I thought to myself: The concept of pursuing for religious knowledge is both noble and beautiful but the actual process would be a challenge. I just have to be patient about it.

After class, I slipped in a talk that was going on by Ustaz Ahmad Dahri. He was probably concluding the topic about changing ourselves to be better. He was touching on the part of 3 types of patient. I thought to myself, I have to be patient in the choice that I made. I take it as an ibadah and one must be patient in ibadah(this got me thinking of my tahfiz class). He was also saying that if one wants to get his television fixed, he would find a professional to fix for him. When it comes to religion, I should also find an expert to help him out(this got me thinking about the question I asked at the talk).

I enjoy having one of the days whereby lessons are put right in front of you. It makes you think and you feel guided by Him. Of course, you must set in your heart that intention of seeking knowledge for the sake of Allah.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: , ,
Thursday, August 2, 2007 at 8:16 PM | 0 comments  
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Time is a concept that a man has to live by. As a muslim, one has to use his time wisely. He needs to know how to divide his time for different things. Finding the balance of doing things is something that every individual has to search for himself. Skills can be taught but the process must experienced by the person himself.

Fools get trapped in time by thinking about the past which they no longer have control of. Fools also fear too much of the uncertainty of tomorrow. I was a fool once. Alhamdulillah, I no longer dwell on my past and try to better myself everyday. Going through life is like riding a bike. You have to check for your rear mirror once in a while(past). You will have to see far(future) to see what is in you path. In the end the only control that you have is the handles in your hand(present).

Islam has a beautiful concept of living with regard to time. To make today better than yesterday. If one tries hard to live by this, his future will be a bright one. Insyaallah.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 at 10:45 AM | 0 comments  
This is going to be a novel length entry. I had another one of my internal conversation with myself. There were many times that I would want to just have this written down. About my past. About my feelings. About the things that I am dealing with. My logical side would get in the way and say stop. This time, it will happen on this page.

Whatever everyone thinks about me after this, so be it. It will be burden lifted off my shoulders after so long. I am done hiding. Whatever it is, I know I can always turn to Allah.

I am socially naive. I don't understand the meaning of friendship. I am only beginning to try and understand the meaning of friendship. This is spurred by my involvement with nypms(n) so far. My interaction with fellow members.

It has been a very long journey for myself to finally come to this. Growing up, I feel very different from the other kids. I kept mostly to myself. In my teens I began reading a lot of psychology books to find out what was wrong with me. But with just theories and no actual confidence to do the things that I needed to do, I was helpless. But still, I truly believe that when I overcome my social aspect of my life I could do anything I put my mind into.

I AM REPEATING ONE YEAR OF MY POLYTECHNIC!!!!!


How did this happen?

A number of things eventually led me to this situation. Life as I knew it went on hold. I put my academics aside and got back to books again to sort myself out.

I was obliviously living my life in status quo when 3 particular things got me thinking about my life at a deeper level.


1 - One of them was my brother's engagement. I am happy for them but it got me thinking about my almost non-existent social life. I am only one year younger than him and I want to settle down and start a family too. I only have a number of friends. I hardly even begin to open up the truth about me with them. How could I expect to spend the rest of my life with someone if I do not even know how to share my thoughts and feelings. I knew I was in a mess and I could not continue my life that way.

2 - Another thing that got me thinking is NYPMS itself. It was time that the old committee leave the responsibility to the remaining members. I was very certain that I was going to be left in charge. I did not want to the one who kills the legacy. I was contemplating if I was ready to accept the responsibility or just let go and go back to my so called life. I am thankful that I made the harder choice.

3 - The last thing that got me thinking was the same question that I asked myself even before I entered the course that I am taking. The career prospect of what I am doing. More importantly Islam's view of what I am doing. What is Islam's view on drawing life objects, animation for that matter.


1) This particular event sparked me to re-think about myself. My social life. The way that I was living. The fact that deep inside, I was not happy. I was unsatisfied with the life that I was living. I was for the most part, lonely.

As an INTJ :
May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others.

Like I said, I turned to books for answers. A particular book gave me hope. The title of the book is Introverted Advantage. I have always seen myself an introvert. I have labeled myself as one. My mistake was in the definition of introvert. I thought I was incapable of social life. What the book taught me was that, in reality, being an introvert means that I get re-charged when I do introverted activities. Extroverted activities drains me out. Just try to understand if I need to disappear sometimes.

This does not mean that I value socializing any less, just more tiring for me. Why? It's because I need to process every bit of information that I get in my head. I cannot simply take things at a surface kind of level.

2) This fact triggered my fight or flight response.

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

As a muslim, I see a purpose in NYPMS. If there were no one else to take up the position, I would have to take it. It is weird how the things that I learn in my PERGAS class and other places seemed to reflect the situation that I was facing at the time. I was learning how Sayidina Abu Bakar humbly took the place as a khalifah. His first speech as a khalifah is something that all muslims should abide to as leaders.

Reading Dale Carnegie's The Leader in You also helped to inspire and prepare myself for the position. Books can help but doing it is another thing. That's what I learned from the school counsellor.

With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for problems in their own lives.

The things I was facing was too much for me to absorb. Just talking things out helped me sort out things that I had to do. She helped me see a couple of points that I did not see about me.
I stopped blaming everyone else for the situation that I was in. There is no shame in asking for help. Ultimately no one can help you before you want to help yourself. I was done by the second session.

3) Education wise, first year was excellent. I loved the prospect of school after not going to one after so long. I gave it my all, time and work for my studies. I put a lot of time in my school work.


INTJs are perfectionists.

That explains why I gave my all when I believed that it will be worthwhile. However, after some time, I felt that the amount of work that I put in was not worth the results that it reaped. Firstly, this was because I was not working smart. I was not sharing knowledge with people due to my non-social nature. It became harder for me compared to those who worked smart and were naturally more talented. That struggle towards perfection drained me and made me put myself in the future. What kind of a muslim will I be if I spend the majority of my time with work. I just felt something was wrong with the picture.

It did not help that I chose animation as the focus in year 2 instead of interactive media which I had set my mind to before entering the course. Drawing living images is an act scorned by Allah.

On the authority of Ibn `Abbas (ra) it is reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah say:

"Every picture maker is in the Fire. A soul will be placed in every picture made by him and it will punish him in the Hell-fire." (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)


On the authority of `A`ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) it is reported that the Messenger of Allah said:

"The most severely punished of people on the Day of Resurrection will be those who try to make the like of Allah's creation." (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)

From the exhaustive research that I did on hadiths regarding this matter, I conclude that it is only permissible if the animation, comic or whatever is meant for children. Even with this tiny 'loophole', it means that I could never be the best at what I do. It sucks. It's a bitter pill to bite but I'd rather be on the safe side. This is something that I would be doing for the rest of my life.

"And it is very possible that you dislike something whereas it is good for you; and (similarly) it is very possible that you like something whereas it is bad for you". (Baqarah 16)
This does not mean I won't be tempted to.... a'uzubillamin dzalik.


In conclusion, my life has been pretty messed up. I take comfort that I am doing my best to improve myself as a muslim. Another book that helped me a lot through this period was Laa Tahzan. It helped complete my understanding of mardhatillah. As it is, I am reformulating the important things in my life. I take the things that I went through as a training stage. The things that I have learnt can be put in use in one way or another.

I am taking off my armour revealing the bruises and scars from the past emotional battles.... i am finally free of the weight of the armour.

I am putting everything on the line by letting all these out of my chest. It will be very interesting to see how people react. If this were to jeopardize my place in NYPMS, I will gladly accept the outcome for I know there are people who can take my place. I don't expect everyone to understand me, for I myself, have only began to understand the mystery of being me.

With that all said and done, I ask that we all take a moment to realise that we are all different. We will be tested by Allah in different ways. In life, we are given different sets of test papers. We are also given the will of choice. It's what we make of the choice that will eventually make us who we are in the eyes of Allah. Don't see me as who I was, see me as who I can be.

Posted by Firdaus
Everything you do is with an intention. Yesterday's nypms(n) meeting was an emotional ride for me. I need to have a big picture in my head, a goal in mind before I can do what I need to.

I probably misinterpreted Cikgu at the beginning. I only understood what he was really saying towards the end. I also did not explain clearly of my vision. What I was presenting was just a short term goal. In fact, I feel it's exactly what I envision without realising it yet (i don't expect anyone else to understand this sentence).

The crucial part here now is not to lose any members in the process of this shift in method. The vision is still the same, be it being expressed in words or not. And I will stick to the mindset of letting Cikgu have the final say.
Posted by Firdaus
Monday, July 16, 2007 at 1:27 PM | 2 comments  
I will not be able to grow as a person until I risk revealing who I really am to the people around me, to my friends. Alhamdulillah, I am taking steps that will eventually lead me to sharing who I really am.

Every individual has a challenge to overcome. Mine just seems to be something that most other people do naturally. I have problems trying to express myself in words. The combination of my personality and the experiences that I went through made me weak to overcome the social aspect of life. The longer I remained passive, the harder it was to break the habit. The harder it became to rewire my mentality. It was easier to remain at status quo, but it was not without a price. In fact, it was more destructive. However, this puts me into an interesting situation. I learned things differently. I have a different point of view which becomes my responsibility to share with others.

I was stuck in this repetitive loop for a very long time. Now, I am ready. I will get over this. People will definitely perceive me differently. Some in a better light and others in worse. I will get this done and over with and move on with my life.

Acquaintances around me are getting married. I am old enough to start thinking about marriage myself. How can I think about marriage if I can't even express who I really am to others, to my potential partner. It's time to break the walls and take that leap of faith.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Sunday, July 1, 2007 at 11:01 PM | 0 comments  
Today, my SPI class resumed. Currently in the third year, second semester. We are getting ustazs and ustazah that had taught us before. In the middle of class, my mind was drifting how much I loved them and appreciates the things that they do. I don't do enough to show my appreciation.

This semester's subjects are going to be interesting. Ulum Al-Quran, Hadiths and Sejarah. The first two subjects is new to me. I am really looking forward to that.
Posted by Firdaus
Monday, June 25, 2007 at 3:11 PM | 0 comments  
I have been thinking and planning to implement a system whereby nypmsn can run on. Even if I fail to achieve what I envision, there would already be a written guide of what we did for the future generation to carry on where we left of. They would already be a tangible guide of what made this attempt fail and perhaps allow the new generation to learn from. Documentation is very important for us to analyse what works and what doesnt.

Getting myself very involved in this system making made me realise, I should have a system whereby I should, as an individual, live by. Just the idea of it is making me so psyched up. The idea of moulding myself as a person that I want to be. And the first step in doing that is to label yourself as the person that you want to be. This essentially becomes the identity of you Self. The reason of your being.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 1:33 AM | 0 comments  
I'm 25 and still in polytechnic. "What telah happen?" Well, I took a different route.

Went through mandarin speaking kindergarten in Lorong Ah Soo. Primary School education was in Xinghua. In primary 5, I was in the EM1 class even though technically, I was not qualified as my English marks were band 2. Got band 1 for Maths and Malay. There were vacancies in the EM1 class and hence 12 EM2 stream students were pushed to that class, 51A.

Primary 6 was emotionally scarring. I got a class position of 7 out of 12(among the EM2s). I knew I could have done better. I did not understand the meaning of studying back in primary school. Initially I was told I was promoted to 61A. So, everything was prepared for the new year, with my books having 61A written as my class. I think the cut-off position was from 10. The last 3 students were transferred to EM2 classes.

The new year came and I lined up together with people whom I thought were my classmates. Then, I got pulled away by Mrs Chiam who told me that I was in her class 62B.

The sad part was that it was a mistake and I did not speak for myself. Somehow, 61A had an extra student. As I understood, it was orignally planned that the cut-off position was from 7th position. That's where the complication arose. Instead of pulling from behind, 9th position, I was pulled out. I remember 9th position. It was (name removed). I remember 6th position as well, Linda. I wished I had been the 6th position.

Life went on. I became more and more depressed by not achieving my fullest potential and continued to have a difficulty in my social life. I got 238 for my PSLE and did not get my first choice of secondary school. I got into Zhonghua Secondary. Eventually I dropped out in secondary 3 towards term 3. Repeated secondary 3 the following year and dropped out again towards the second term. Repeated secondary 3 again getting 1st in class for the 1st semester. However, I dropped out again in Secondary 4 having only taken some parts of my O level Malay paper.

Then it was rock-bottom.

Got into NS and took private O levels in my second year of NS. It was night classes by ITE. Took 3 papers. Took another 3 paper the following year and combined the scores to get into polytechnic.

While waiting for my results, I took part-time ITE nitec course in Digital Media Design for 6 months. Eventually I got a place in NYP with my first choice course, Digital Media Design. Alhamdulillah. Poly life... that's another story.
Posted by Firdaus