Thursday, December 25, 2008 at 2:31 AM | 0 comments  
Don't expect to get a different result by doing the same thing over and over again. Don't be like a housefly that keeps hitting against a clear glass. Get around the glass. Learn from your mistakes, and if necessary, get someone who has 'been there done that' to guide you along.

Problems cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness that created them ~ Einstein. Similarly an artist would need to step back from his canvas to ensure that he has the proportions correct. By detaching himself from the painting for a moment, he gets a better overview of his progress. See the big picture.

Share your knowledge. Unlike wealth that decreases through sharing, knowledge grows when you share. I share mine, you share yours. Everyone wins.

Each and every one of us sees the world with our own tinted glasses. There is perceived truth and absolute truth. Each of us have our own perceived sense of truth. Who dictates absolute truth? None other than Allah SWT. We are not left hanging to fight with one another over who is right. Allah shows the right path through the holy books and his Messengers.

Hence, you are doomed if you engage in a debate/discussion with the intention of proving that your point is right. One should engage in a debate/discussion only to find the truth, the absolute truth. Therefore, take off your tinted glasses, let go of your egos and hidden agendas. Instead put on the glasses of tasawwur islam. 

--rants-- Unlike the snippet that have been appearing on Star World, where a lawyer is seen saying... truth is relative, choose one that works for you (or something along that line). Obviously a devious statement of a loyar buruk. 
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Saturday, December 13, 2008 at 10:38 PM | 0 comments  





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Friday, December 12, 2008 at 12:33 AM | 0 comments  
This year my parents did the qurban and I was the one who did the actual slaughtering. My younger brother helped to hold down the 2 sheeps. Alhamdulillah, I got to experience that. 

That made this year's Eid different and even more so, it made me reflect on the sacrifices that my parents have made for me and my siblings. It makes this Eid different. Instead of thinking how you can sacrifice for the sake of Islam, you can also appreciate how others have sacrificed for you.



"It is not their meat nor their blood that reaches Allah; it is your piety that reaches Him." (Surah  Al Hajj : 37)

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Friday, December 5, 2008 at 9:02 PM | 0 comments  
I decided not post yet another entry again. Looking back in my posts, there are 40 drafts left unposted since the beginning of this blog. 

I really should make better use of my time. But I do enjoy writing even though they remain unposted. I would look up the dictionary online on the meaning of the words which are still vague to me. I would carefully craft my sentences making the words as clear or as vague as I want them to be. 

Writing is an outlet when the words seem so hard to come out in real life. Sometimes, the thoughts have to go somewhere. Haven't done poetry for some time... that creative outlet has been expressed through school work, mostly. 

Words... stringing them together got me the first place in a composition writing competition back in primary school. Stringing letters together got me the champion spot in a boggle competition back in secondary 3. One of it. 

It's a painful irony how words eludes me when I try to speak them. 

Pictures have just an interesting an effect on me. We've all heard the saying a picture is worth a thousand words... here's one.



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Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 2:30 AM | 0 comments  
I ripped the following entry from Rilekwancorner. I'm sure he won't mind. Dapat free publicity lagi. It's a good reminder for me and everyone. It's an excerpt from 'La Tahzan'(Do not be Sad). 


By Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni
Da`iyah and Scholar — Saudi Arabia

Pain is not always a negative force; it is not something that one should always hate. At times, a person may benefit from the feeling of pain.

One might remember that, at times of great pain, one sincerely supplicated and remembered Allah. When a student studies hard, he or she often feels the pangs of heavy burden — sometimes perhaps the burden of monotony. But this student will eventually finish this stage of life and perhaps become a scholar.

Aches, pangs of passion, poverty, scorn of others, frustration and anger at injustices, and other feelings cause poets to write flowing and captivating verses. This is because poets feel the pain in the heart, nerves, and blood. As a result, they become able to infuse the same emotions, through poems, into the hearts of others. Many are the painful experiences the best writers had undergone. Those experiences inspired brilliant works that many people today continue to enjoy and benefit from.

A person who grew up in a life of comfort and repose and who was not stung by hardships might be an unproductive, lazy, and lethargic individual. Likewise, the poets who knew no pain and who never tasted a bitter disappointment will invariably produce heaps upon heaps of cheap words. This is because their words pour forth from their tongues and not from their feelings or emotions. Although they may comprehend what they have written, their hearts and bodies do not feel the experience.

More worthy and relevant to the aforementioned examples are the lives of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). They lived during the period of revelation and took part in the most important religious revolution the humankind has ever seen. Indeed, they had greater faith, nobler hearts, sincerer tongues, and deeper knowledge than those who came after them.

They lived through pain and suffering, and both of these are necessary for great revolutions. They felt the pains of hunger, poverty, rejection, abuse, banishment from home and homeland, and abandonment of all pleasures. They boldly endured the pains of wounds and even torture and death. They were in truth chosen people — the elite of humankind. They were models of purity, nobleness, and sacrifice. A confirmation of this meaning is related in the Qur'an concerning the people of Madinah and those around them of the dwellers of the desert as follows:

[This is because there afflicts them neither thirst nor fatigue nor hunger in Allah's way, nor do they tread a path that enrages the unbelievers, nor do they gain from the enemy a gain but a good work is written down to them on account of it; surely Allah does not waste the reward of the doers of good.] (At-Tawbah 9:120)

There are many in the history who have produced their greatest works out of the pain and the suffering they experienced. An example is the Arab poet known as Al-Mutanabbi. When he was afflicted with a severe fever, he wrote some of his best poems. So, one should not become excessively anxious and fearful of any potential pain or suffering. It may well be that through pain and suffering one will become stronger and more creative. Furthermore, a person who lives with a burning, yet passionate, heart is purer and nobler than a person who lives with a cold heart and a shortsighted outlook. Almighty Allah says,

[But Allah did not like their going forth, so He withheld them, and it was said (to them), "Hold back with those who hold back."] (At-Tawbah 9:46)

As the verse tells, those who lagged behind and did not take part in the battle and go through the accompanying hardships were not loved by Almighty Allah.

The words of a passionate sermon can reach the innermost depth of the heart and penetrate the deepest part of the soul, because the one who gives such sermons has experienced pain and suffering.

I have read many books of poetry and others filled with sermons. Many of these were passionless and did not seem to shake a hair on the body of the reader. Perhaps that is because the poets or the orators did not truly feel what they expressed. Hence, their works were cold like blocks of ice.

If one wishes to affect others, whether with speech, poetry, or even actions, one must first feel the passion inside. One must be moved by the meanings of what he or she is trying to convey. Then, and only then, one will come to realize that he or she can have an impact on others.

Editor's note: It goes without saying that the Islamic Shari`ah urges Muslims not to expose themselves to any hardship or pain for no lofty purpose. However, when a Muslim inescapably faces such difficult moments for the sake of Allah, it is a different story. In such a case, he or she should make best use of this feeling of his or hers.This believer should turn the pain into a force of creativity, thoughtfulness and giving. He or she is to be sure that those who feel the greatest pain are usually the most tenderhearted.

* Excerpted with modifications from the author's book Do Not Be Sad.

Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni is a prominent Saudi scholar and da`iyah. He has his doctorate in Hadith. He has made many audio lectures and a number of TV programs about different Islamic and Da`wah-related topics.
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Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 2:36 AM | 0 comments  
Sketch of what I feel like these days.
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1. Feed Your Strengths! Do things that allow your brilliant intuition and logical abilities to flourish. Explore the fascinating worlds of science, mathematics, law and medicine. Give your mind an outlet for its exceptional analytical abilities, and watch them grow.

2. Face Your Weaknesses! See your weaknesses for what they are, and seek to overcome them. Especially, strive to use your judgment against your internal ideas and intuitions, rather than as a means of disregarding other people's ideas.

3. Talk Through Your Thoughts. You need to step through your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise. If you don't have someone to discuss your ideas with, try expressing your ideas clearly in writing.

4. Take in Everything. Don't dismiss ideas prematurely because you don't respect the person generating the ideas, or because you think you already know it all. After all, everybody has something to offer, and nobody knows everything. Steven Covey says it so well when he says: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

5. When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.

6. Respect your Need for Intellectual Compatibility. Don't expect yourself to be a "touchy-feely" or "warm-fuzzy" person. Realize that your most ardent bonds with others will start with the head, rather than the heart. Be aware of other's emotional needs, and express your genuine love and respect for them in terms that are real to YOU. Be yourself.

7. Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has more control over your life than you have.

8. Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as you judge others.

9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side. Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes. Expect the best, and the best will come forward.

10. Don't Get Isolated! Recognize the value that the external world represents to you, and interact with it in the style that's natural to you. Join clubs and internet e-mail lists that house in-depth discussions of topics that you're interested in. Seek and foster friendships with others of like competence and capacity for understanding. Extravert in your own style.




Taken from personalitypage.com :
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 4:49 PM | 0 comments  
It's cool how my Photography module is forcing my out of home. And that's what I did last Sunday upon Hilwan's invitation to hang out at Pulau Ubin.

This week's assignment was to shoot 5 pics each of these 4 principals: Texture, 'Patterns and Rhythm', Layering and Visual Poetry.

Some tips to share with fellow adventure newbies:

1) Be prepared to get dirty (especially after it rained... muddy ground and puddles)
2) Water.. lots of water (but it will add on ur total weight, and the tap water in the toilet is not potable)
3) Shades and Caps can come in handy (for posing purposes too)
4) Time... be prepared to spend the whole day to maximise your bike rental's worth
5) Choose the right clique (same fitness level so that you will not drag others or get bored waiting for others to catch up; unless everyone is willing to work out on a compromise)





Why do we fall, Bruce? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

I only had 3 hours as I had to rush for school in the afternoon. I had wanted to reach the peak and get a nice view of the quarry but the diamond trail proved to be very challenging to me. My spine and arm was also starting to feel the brunt but it was mainly my stamina. It sucks how my lack of physical endurance gets in the way of living to the fullest. But it worked out well and I had enough time to change at home before heading to Sunday school. Hilwan and his bro, Syukri, was gung-ho enough to conquer the peak after I left.

It was a nice re-introduction to nature.

>> more pics here

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MJ
Friday, November 7, 2008 at 1:07 AM | 0 comments  

Cool!
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Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at 3:01 PM | 0 comments  
Technology can be wonderful and scary at the same time. I am blogging with my nokia e51. As it is, the phone is underutilised. Hence, me blogging with the phone is a first and painfully slower than a proper keyboard.

I just signed up for wireless sg. Right now i am at the library at sbg. School was 30min instead of 3hr today. Then i had craving for adam rd nasi lemak. Had lunch there and now i am waiting for work to start. I had wanted to get done with concept pitch but creative juices are not flowing.

Surfed my blog and found out i could save the images on my blog onto my phone. Cool. Probably half the internet and 3g world knows that already but its still cool to me.
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An update of my Work In Progress. The pros can cook up something like this within the hour. I still need to learn the best workflow for these kind of works. Fun, love, passion... these are the ingredients I need to savour while working on my projects. An area I need to work, something to pay more attention to instead of worrying so much about deadlines.
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Siti Nurul Nadia

Ainul Sariyah with Bear Bear

A couple of months back, I was teaching Ainul how to ride a bicycle. What I witnessed was something short of a miracle. She was able to ride within minutes without training wheels albeit a little wobbly. She was able to master riding in a straight line by the end of that first session. Mastering to turn with the bicycle required her another session before she was comfortable in doing so.

I started to delve on why Ainul was able to learn how to ride so fast. I attribute why it was so to a couple of things. Firstly she's already in K2 when someone (me) finally bothered to teach her how to ride the bicycle. It's considerably older than other kids learning how to cycle out there. A more important factor is probably because she already understands the concept of balance. She's already a pro on her blue kick scooter prior to this. It's applying the same concept on a different tool.

At that point in time, I was just beginning to force myself to be proficient with my left hand. I was able to relate my situation to this incident.

"Maybe it won't take another 20 years to learn writing with my other hand."
"It's just switching tools, it's not like I have to re-learn the artistic skills. I just need to learn how to control it."

And I said thank you to Allah for that little motivation in my journey towards ambidexterity.

Another motivation came in a form of an obvious question by a colleague, "Kalau kau hari-hari draw, ko nyer drawing makin bagus. Betul eh?" He asked that question because he has a younger brother who became obsessed of drawing quite recently.

A part of me wanted to reply, "Isn't that obvious. Of course lar."
I managed to give a nice reply, "Betul ar."

Moments later I felt that question was directed more towards me. If I want to become better with my left hand I just need to practise continuosly.... obvious kan. My heart said my thanks again.

With these two micro-epiphanies, the choice was still left for me to make. Continue with the struggle or concede defeat to the challenge. If I choose the latter, I remind myself that I will be no better than the musyriks who turn their backs from the Truth even after witnessing it with their own eyes.

Once I mastered my left hand, it'll be like riding a bicycle. I won't forget how to do so. My journey continues.
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Sunday, October 26, 2008 at 11:53 AM | 0 comments  
I took some photos for my Digital Photography assignment during my one hour break at work yesterday. Still have lots to learn.




I work here part-time... nice right??
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Friday, October 24, 2008 at 7:41 PM | 0 comments  
2 weeks of second semester has passed by. How has school been for me? Apart from the modules that I am re-re-taking, I am taking a module which is new to me. I pleaded my course coordinator to let me take Digital Photography. I'm glad I did it. It's definitely a break from my monotonous existence. A breath of fresh air. Learning is easier when it's fun. I bought a DSLR camera for the course and also partly for NYPMS Network Jalan Rayer. Bought a second hand one. I still don't know how serious a photographer I will be, a second hand entry level one should do just fine for now. The best part is that taking photos does not affect my hand like drawing does.

I started the semester with my right arm still very susceptible to pain and my left arm as back-up. My right arm will still go weak and pain will run up to my shoulders and back after extended use. My left arm is still unable write and draw at the level that I need for my course.

Drawing class is the one that I dreaded the most but so far it has been pretty okay. I am able to zone out from the pain when I need to for the class. It's a different story later on in the day... but i have learnt that complaining is not going to anyone any good. All I can do is suck thumb...nah...physio exercises does help reduce the pain.... but I will have days when I just get bored of it and forego. Lepas tu tanggung ar sendiri.

At times the pain will be bad enough to distract me and I will start feeling like a druggie who can't wait for the next fix. Panadol Extra would seem heavenly at that point in time but so far I have still yet to resort to painkillers. I also considered muscle relaxants.

The heaviest part to everything would have to be my mental stamina. I do zone out and start wondering why am I still doing this? I try to distract myself in my own head when I need to... it gets boring learning the same thing. I will start thinking of anything and everything... I would start thinking and am still thinking ... "Man, I should really celebrate in a big way when I get this semester over and done with!!" It should be something special... something special enough that will motivate me to go through another 16 weeks. I am open to suggestions.
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I am having a blast with Corel Painter!!! Currently working on this Gaara character from the Naruto anime series. I'm doing this for a friend. If time permits I will re-do mainly the lower part. I am not happy with the proportion.

I should have known by now not to start with the line work until the proportions are good. I should have stepped away from the art work and come back later to it with a fresh perspective.
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~ taking a break from digital painting and listening to Collide

Got my timetable yesterday. I will finally return to school next week on 14 Oct. Growing accustomed to the pain on my right hand. As of this instance, the shoulder hurts the most. There's pain in the right side of the neck. There's some irritation along the ulnar nerve to the tip of my 4th finger and my middle finger. This is a little strange cos its usually the 4th and the pinkie.

Should I worry that school is less than a week now and the pain still persists? I admit that it is not the easiest decision to make. To finish up and get that diploma considering the circumstances that I am in. With other responsibilities taken into consideration, quitting and getting a job instead seemed like a tempting option. Though the choice that I choose still seems daunting, I brush the feeling of doubt aside and replace it with faith...

The faith in the answer to my istikharah. This time round I got my answer in the form of a dream. I dreamt that I was back in school in the new semester. I never got my istikharah answer through a dream before. Not that I've performed many istikharahs prior to this. In fact it was only one other time. It was also for a choice that involved my education.

Allah has taught us ways to seek help but man (referring to myself especially) are sometimes too stubborn to humble themselves and ask help from Allah. "You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything)." (Al-Fatiha : 5)

Jangan segan-silu, jangan ego-ego.Let us seek help from Him when we need to. Takkan nak cari jodoh baru nak istikarah. I admit that's a valid area of concern but there are other important choices that we need to make along the way in life.

~ now back to work
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Thursday, October 2, 2008 at 11:09 PM | 0 comments  
I am obliged to have at least one entry about Hari Raya... so here it goes.

This year the guys in the family, along with grandmother prayed the eid prayers at Masjid Ahmad Ibrahim. The mosque looks different now after the renovation. The last time I stepped foot there was during one of NYPMS/NI visiting.

Just wanna point out that sometimes, when we say a phrase too often, we lose its meaning. Let's take "Selamat Hari Raya" for instance. Isn't it a little queer to wish everyone "Safe Celebration Day". I suppose it is a reflection of our collective Malay mindset. The 'better be safe' and 'let's wait and see' attitude. The use "Selamat" is seen in other greetings like to newly-wed couples and for birthdays. (In a Singapore's Most Wanted Man poster as well.)

Eid Mubarak has a more god-conscious feel to it. There is that concept of barakah in that greeting. Therefore I challenge myself and others to make people think by greeting in a slightly different way. Try going for 'Happy Hari Raya' or 'Selamat menyambut kembalinya fitrah'. The latter would definitely make one reflect if they deserve to be celebrating in the first place.

I end this by saying, "Have a joyous Eid. Let's bask in victory of this joyous occation. I seek forgiveness to everyone for the bad deeds that I have done against you."

"Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir dan Batin." Dangs... it's hard to beat the classic. *hypocrite* I just demonstrated the nature of change... it's so bloody difficult. It takes a constant conscious effort.
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Sunday, September 28, 2008 at 5:47 AM | 0 comments  
Its the last days of Ramadhan and Tuesday will be my last day as a temp staff in Botanic Gardens. It's easily the best stint I've ever had. I am offered to continue on as a student helper there with much better pay. Alhamdulillah. I will working on most Saturdays at the Children's Garden.

Kinda rusty at blogging... I'm sure I'll get back in writing long entries in due time.
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 12:36 AM | 0 comments  

I am working on this right now. Hoping to tweak my blog design and incorporate this character in it before the start of a new semester. Just my way of saying, I'm ready for school. It's been quite a ride since my deferment last year.

It's the final stretch of Ramadhan and I wish everyone a very fulfilling Ramadhan.... whatever left of it.
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Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 4:20 PM | 0 comments  
A caucasian couple hanging around a distance from my information counter. The wife approached me to ask for direction to the nearest bus-stop. She can barely speak english and probably was still in doubt of the directions that I gave. She walked back to the husband probably relaying she was not sure of what I told her. Guess what the husband did from a distance.... he got very animated with his hands. He started to make signals which I believe to be some military hand signals. I just nodded to his hand signals to re-affirm that was indeed the direction they should take. It's not the same in words...you need to see his gestures and facial expressions to experience that comical moment.
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X
Friday, August 15, 2008 at 12:45 AM | 0 comments  

X9


X8

X7

X6

X5

X4

X3

X2
hmm... macam salah tempat




and yours truly.....
X1


Moral of the story.... 1st place is not always the best. LOL. We should be thankful of what we have. This materialistic world is just temporary.

Dah hampir 4 tahun kau berbakti untuk aku. Sekarang ni pun... ko tengah buat hal. Terkopeklah aku lagi. Aku tak pernah bawak kau gi JB untuk repair. Skrg dah buruk sikit... agak2 rasa lebih selamat bawak kau gi sana.
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Thursday, August 7, 2008 at 8:55 PM | 0 comments  


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Saturday, August 2, 2008 at 12:41 AM | 0 comments  





8 days of suntec convention is over. I was fortunate enough to be part of the Singapore Garden Festival. These pictures that I took does no justice of how beautiful the exhibits were. I was mainly helping out in the stage area but was also doing ad-hoc stuffs like design and printing posters.

I got a free family pass and gave it to my siblings. They went on thursday.... when I was not on duty. I did not really get to enjoy the exhibits like I wanted to but... at least I got to get some shots for keepsake.

It was a cool experience and I kinda get to have a rough idea on how some aspects of a major event such as this runs. I will finally get some rest and on Monday.... mundane work will resume.
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 11:18 PM | 0 comments  


For some reason, I was grinning from ear to ear when I first saw this clip on Discovery Channel. It gives me a fuzzy kind of feeling and also of hope... and almost too naive. I'm quite a fan of the channel.

Now everybody go... Boom De Ah Dah! Boom De Ah Dah!
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008 at 10:20 PM | 0 comments  
13 Rejab 1402H, when Muslims were performing Friday prayers, I came into existence. It's now 13 Rejab 1429H. By calculation of the Hijri calendar, that makes me 27.
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Wednesday, July 9, 2008 at 10:59 PM | 0 comments  
The Ring

I got a missed call today. I didn't pick it up as I was riding. The number was strange but I quickly dismissed the call as a ricochet call from some foreign country.

*****
I got home to find out that my house got the same call from that same number. Nobody answered the call for safety sake. There was a report in Berita Harian of people dying in Indonesia after receiving a mysterious phone call or SMS. It was warning people not to answer calls that has strange prefixes. I have my suspicions to the credibility of the report but it's something I would not entirely dismiss either. Perhaps black magic decided to keep up with times and got an upgrade.

I needed to get the bottom of this and started to browse the web if any of these is true. Some indonesian sites has this to say:

Ketua Majelis Ulama Indonesia (MUI) Sumut Prof DR H Abdullah Syah, MA mengimbau masyarakat tidak mempercayai rumor yang "berbau" syirik tersebut. Menurut dia, rumor tersebut sangat meresahkan dan tidak perlu dipercaya karena dapat merusak akidah (keyakinan) beragama. "Hidup dan mati manusia telah ditentukan Tuhan dan bukan disebabkan karena menerima telepon atau SMS," katanya.

I conclude that the Berita Harian report is very likely a rumour gone wild. If you think about it, it's from a plot of the movies.

Then I decided to google the number : 000190853203. It seems that people have been getting these calls for some time. You can check out the link but in short, its a scam.


The Ring 2

Another incident with phones happened about 2 months back. I was calling a friend over my phone. Out of nowhere, I heard a lady's voice. My friend was no longer on the other side. The lady was saying, "Ouh... sorry". Then she hung up.

I called my friend again. He told me that he got cut off as well and found himself talking to some guy. The incident got me thinking,

"was it just an honest mistake of an operator?"
"do we even need operators for our local calls?"
"who was really on the other side, who seemed to realise she made a mistake?"
"are my calls being tracked?"

Technology made life easy for man. But it also empowers the people who has control of that technology.... and what if that technology falls into the wrong hands and we get exploited.

Am I just being paranoid or is there a genuine need to ensure that technology doesn't fall in the wrong hands. I shall elaborate in later posts.

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Sekian lama sudah ku tak memblog. Bukan takde cerita, macam2 cerita.

It's not that I don't want to blog in Malay, but I suppose I want to cater to a wider audience. I shall be blogging in Malay in some of my future posts. Furthermore its Bulan Bahasa.

Apart from an introspective marathon, I went to Terengganu for holiday last month. Went with the whole family as well as my big bro's new family. It was fun on the whole. Learned some things about myself. The only downside of the trip was hurting my little finger(pinkie). That re-triggered a whole new episode to my right arm saga.

And the the final part of the trilogy will continue in the middle of October. I don't know what the outcome will be like. Contemplating too much on it only drains me out. Some things are merely out of our control. As what my secondary Maths teacher would say, "We'll cross the river when we reach the bridge." My Maths teacher loved to quote chinese proverbs. I hope I'm not butchering the language. (eh Fir, engkau bulan bahasa.... bahasa aper?) In principle, that's not how I go about life. I am very much quite the opposite. A tad too much perhaps. Another lesson for me to learn. Don't dwell too much on the future which is never certain.

The cycle of life :-
1) Hope/Vision
2) Effort and sprinke it with doa (without effort, you've fallen into ghurur)
3) Tawakal
4) Syukur if your prayers is answered, redha if u don't get it (but ur effort is never a waste)
5) Repeat step 1

Hope and expectations. That's the ingredient to living. I used to tell myself not to have too high an expectation in life. I learned that lesson cos I got disappointed when my expectations did not materialize. So, I went on life trying not to expect too much from anybody or anything. But, that was my major mistake. Without expectations, my soul died. Without expectations, one becomes a living dead.

I am focusing more on my now. I am currently working as a temp staff at Singapore Botanic Gardens, at times having lunches in the park. It's been great so far. Once in a while, I will imagine what's waiting for me on the other side of the bridge. One thing will be certain though, I will only know for sure when I reach the bridge, and cross it.
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Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 11:56 PM | 0 comments  
I posted this a while back and removed the entry hours later... Posting it back again.

I have been watching a tad too much of Bleach as a form of escapism. I can say that I am merely doing research... keeping up with current issues as a prospective animator, but i know better when I have transgressed.

I no longer have to go for physiotherapy, :) , but I still have to carry on with the prescribed exercises for another 4-6 months. I did my physiotherapy in NYP. Physiotherapy is cool. The physiotherapists were professional. I am pretty amazed by the science of the treatment. I am amused by the various methods of detecting the affected nerves. Furthermore it's something that benefits humankind.

On my first visit, I was pointed out that my right deltoid was visibly smaller than my left. 'Wasted' deltoid. That was the term they used. This was odd since I am right handed. One would expect my right deltoid was bigger, if not balanced. I was quite taken aback that I did not realise that fact. At the same time I was 'glad' that I could see that I was not making the pain up. 'Glad' that it was not something psychosomatic. A visible sign of the condition that I was going through.

The exercises have done me good. Tingling sensation and numbness is hardly an issue for me nowadays. I still need to deal with the weakness issue though. Imagine doing push-ups to your maximum limit... that kind of weakness. I would say my condition is 3 times better now. What better way to test my condition than to take on an animation project. My hands have been itching to get to work anyway. I still have bad days(especially cold mornings) and my right deltoid still needs to grow. But overall, I am thankful that I am healing. Prays that I'll be set when its time to return to school.

Alhamdulillah, I am thankful of what I have. Life is a continuous process of being and growing. One should not be too obsessed of being in control of the future for the future is never certain. This should never make one stop striving for a better future, but rather, it should make one be content that he keeps striving while letting the end result be the realm of Allah, as it has always been.

---------------------------------

On a different note, looking forward to http://www.sgtoyandcomiccon.com over this weekend.
Posted by Firdaus
Last Saturday, I rushed from NYP to make myself present for this mother's day event. It was a lunch/charity/mother's day event. Mothers were presented with a rose upon entry. The whole family was there including our maternal grandmother and sis-in-law. Dad decided to attend and bought his ticket on the day itself, and ended up sitting at a table with the star-performer for the day, Didicazli.

But we were there to see our smallest one perform. Our littlest sister was performing a skit, together with some of her kindergarten2 classmates. She played the part of Alqamah's mother. Her teacher was saying how great she was at the role to mum prior to the performance, we had to see it ourselves.

I felt little sis could have done better with her facial expressions but she was able to deliver her lines well. She took her role seriously unlike some of her classmates... but of course, that is to be expected of most kids their age.

Once, while lying down in bed at home, she lamented that she preferred the role of Alqamah cause she would only need to lie down ~ then she pretended to have fits and pretended to die. LOL!

Other than the skit, there were performances in the form of nasyid and poetry by other students. I know nuts about the local malay music but the performance by Didicazli was pretty alright. However, in my opinion, the muazzin of En-Naeem Mosque sounded so much better. I was somewhat mesmerized. There was also a mini forum session towards the end.

We even got to bring back lucky draw prizes. Big bro and Dad were the lucky ones. The whole event has a warm feeling to it. It was a nice day out to celebrate the 2 mothers in our family.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Saturday, May 3, 2008 at 2:53 AM | 2 comments  
Went to Sim Lim Square to get power supply for my computer and also some CD-Rs. I've been wanting to check out the prices of video cameras and decided to do so during this trip to Sim Lim Square. Checking out = Don't wanna buy yet

The first few shops I passed by sells video cameras. And so, I began asking how much the professional video cameras were. I ended up saying that I was looking for something in the thousand plus range. The salesman recommended a HD DV cam. He was saying that the DV cam was superior over the pro cameras since it uses it hard disk instead of tapes. When I asked how much it was, he took out a calculator and typed out 1250.

"What's the deal with salesman and calculators?... just say out the price lar."

He was keen to demonstrate the functions and I played along.

Talking. Demonstrating. Talking. Comparing with other models. Talking.

"I give you special price," he said. Took the calculator and entered 1100.

Talking. Demonstrating. Talking. Browse magazine. Talking.

"I give you complete set," With lens and tripod. I began to get tempted... alas, i was just checking out the prices. So I told him that I'll think about it. All these while, I wasn't the one haggling. He was the one who slashed the price. I was merely playing the hesitant buyer.

As I went out of the shop, he said 900. By this time, I was wondering to myself. "This guy is either too desperate or he marked up the price so high that he's able to slash the price by $350 and add stuffs to it."

It's probably a bit of both. I am not the type who would ask for a discount except for certain known places where you are an idiot if you don't do this haggling routine.

It's a common marketing ploy to mark up your prices and set the minimum that you are willing to sell. Of course, still at a profit. I suppose some people enjoy playing the haggling game. I personally find it a tad of an annoyance.

And what's with the calculator?? It's probably yet another ploy so that the haggling game remains between one prospective buyer and the salesman..... therefore not influencing another prospective buyer.

This incident proofs to me that perhaps, haggling is something that I have to engage in(like it or not)..... not because I am crazy for a bargain, but because I wanna get a reasonable deal and not be at the losing end.

I went on to get my power supply and CD-Rs. Before making the payment, with the incident still fresh in my mind... I said, "Can discount?"

I got a $5 discount. I could have pushed my luck and asked for more discount.... but haggling is not my thing.


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Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 11:56 PM | 0 comments  
A secondary school teacher of mine,Mr MacDonald, tried to proof to us that it doesn't take long to write a journal entry. One of things I had to do for class. Basically he played Eric Clapton's Tear's a Heaven. A song he wrote about how his toddler fell down to his death from his apartment. So, we basically go on writing in our journal whatever was flowing in our mind be it in response to the song or not.

This is to the tune of Breaking Benjamin's Sooner or Later

I feeling kinda tired of my own blog. Mainly because it seems to speak a lot of negativity of late. I don't like it that way. Many times, I tried blogging something but got tired to continue and ended up abandoning the idea. Hence the idea of just filling up the blank of this page by the method that I remembered from secondary school.

Probably not going to make much sense reading this randomness. Sooner or later is the title of this song. Speaks a lot about life I suppose. Something happens sooner or later. Later seems more likely for me regarding certain things. Yar... all 3.38min is up.


Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Friday, April 25, 2008 at 5:04 PM | 0 comments  
I have been spending time watching speed painting videos on youtube. Sparked a renewed interest in photoshop. My first attempt to a semi-realistic digital painting. I mean, the first attempt whereby I somewhat completed. It can probably use some touching up. After some touching up, it'll be portfolio worthy.

The hand situation looks good for now though I don't know what's the implication of my wasted right deltoid. 4 more days till medical review.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Sunday, April 20, 2008 at 10:10 PM | 0 comments  
This blog namesake of an entry is just to state the situation that I am in right now. For eventually, others will find out. 'Biasa jer' itself is somewhat a denial of my current state. It's less of denying my current state but more of 'let's not make a big deal out of it'.

It's no surprise to find out that, not all is well in Firdaus Land if you were able to read in between the lines of my previous entries since last December. What am I talking about?

In the middle of last semester, I found myself unable to do my assignments due to an intense numbing pain on my right hand. Visits to doctors and an EMG later, I found out that the numbness originated from my spine. I was also told to do an MRI just to be sure.

For an animator/designer in training, the prospect seems scary and inspired entries such as this and this. Of course I have to continuously strive to be positive about it like the times such as this and this.

Apart from dealing with the pain, I had to think about my education and my future. I got myself deferred in last semester. I also managed to get an extension to my deferment this semester. Alhamdulillah. This will at least give me time to make a well thought out decision of my future.

Mentally stronger in dealing with the pain. Even the pain is not as bad. I'll have a week more before I get to hear what the doctor has to say. Physiotherapy session at NYP later today.

Such is my unorthodox existence and I shall carry on living it.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
This happened on 28 March 2008.

The story
It began with me waking up with a lingering memory of a dream(the nocturnal, when you got to sleep, REM type) I just had.

In this dream, I was a soldier. I remember vividly attaching a bayonet to my M-16 rifle. The atmosphere was dark and damp. All hell breaks loose kind of situation. I was snooping around and fired my rounds at 3 soldiers. I killed them. They were from my own platoon. But deep inside, I knew they were actually traitors. However, I knew that my superiors and other platoon mates would not believe me if I told them. So, I took matters at my own hands and went rifle frenzy. I riddled my rounds especially on one particular soldier.

After doing so, I felt that I was doomed. I tried to find a way out. I knew I had to return my arms(rifle and ammunition) eventually. I would be questionable of my missing rounds. They would eventually find out that it was my doing; killing those 3 soldiers. After pondering for some time, I felt it was best that I surrendered and serve 2 or 3 years jail time(What!!! 2-3 years for murder!!... it was a dream... remember, doesn't have to make much sense).

That was the dream that I had. I remembered something regarding dreams from Ustaz Iqbal's short sermons. Tafsir on surah Yusuf; still ongoing on Fridays nights after Maghrib(technically Saturday... you know what I mean). He was telling the jemaah(boleh kira dua tangan), a story which reflects Rasulullah's stance on nightmares.

I am going to simplify the story... A woman came to Rasulullah and told him of a dream she had of her husband. She asked Rasulullah what the dream meant. Rasulullah knew it was a bad sign but told the woman that her husband was safe(the husband was musafir at that point). The woman had the dreams over and over again. Every time, she would worry and seek Rasulullah's opinion to the meaning of the dream. Everytime, Rasulullah would reassure her that it was a good sign and her husband was safe. One day, Rasulullah was not home and the woman was again, seeking reassurance of the dream she had. Instead, it was Rasulullah's wife, Aisyah, who attended to the woman. She told her that the dream was a bad sign. The woman was devastated. Soon after, the woman received news that her husband had passed away. [correct me of the details if I'm wrong].

Back to my story, the lesson from this story is that we should not interpret a nightmare lest it will come true.

Apparently knowing is one thing, doing is another. I tried not to interpret the dream. It didn't take me long before I interpret the dream as "I'm going to do something I'll regret." I tried to ignore the feeling and got on with the day.

Soon it was time to send my 6 year-old sister to school on my motorcycle. I had a brief strange feeling but nothing more.

I went home, did some things and it was time to fetch my sister. Going down the stairs to my motorcycle, the sensation that I had earlier in the day grew tremendously. I was starting to feel very uneasy. I was feeling that it was better for me to take the bus instead, but i couldn't as I was running late and I needed to fetch my sister. When I started my motorcycle, I thought to myself, "Maybe, I'll take the bus home with my sister when I get there."

Throughout the journey, I felt uneasy. Reached the mosque(kindergarten in the mosque) to fetch my sister and carried on with my journey. With my sister as the pillion, all I could do was to recite verses. I still felt very uneasy. All these while, I was trying to rationalize the feeling away. I was telling myself that I was just being paranoid.

Strangely, at the same time, I wanted something to happen. I wanted to believe that something will happen. That's why, for the most part, I did not react to the feeling. I wanted to see if something really happens.

I was at the last turn towards home, feeling somewhat disappointed that nothing had happened. And then, there it was. Upon turning, 3 traffic police officers were just there standing around with their ever-so-cool motorbikes. I was flagged to stop... and I did. It not so much the feeling of regret that I had, but I was more at awe at the fact that something actually happened.

Carrying a pillion under the age of 10 is a traffic offence. The first thing I asked was, "Will my license be revoked or something?" Alhamdulillah, I was told that it won't. I was asked to take out my driving(riding) license and IC. The officer had a good look at me. He asked how old my sister was. It took some processing time. I glanced around to fully realize there were 3 of them. The 3 soldiers in the dream. 3 officers = 3 soldiers. That one soldier who got extra bullets from me was the officer who stopped me. In the end, I was slapped with a $100 fine. No demerit points.

He was very professional at doing at what he does. Courteous throughout. I would have gone out of my way to write a letter of commendation...... if he had not booked me.

Not the best of times for me to get fined. Heck, it's never good to get fined.

Some things lost(money), but some things gained(lessons). More than ever, I believe. I believe in that intangible feeling(tahap ainul yaqin kot). There are valuable lessons to learn here. I will pay more attention to these feelings in the future.

From that day on, I've been sending and fetching my sister the old way. With my bike, the type which you need to paddle. It's a good change. Though I have to painfully cycle to and fro, it's actually nothing new to me. I've done that with my other younger siblings, all 3 of them. Fetching and sending them to school with my bicycle.

I'll share more about that intangible feeling and the lessons learnt in future posts. For now, I'll sign off with a disclaimer:

Just know that I felt very safe to pillion my sister on my motorcycle. I took time, cost of travel and pain as a deciding factor. Anyway, it was just 5 minutes of travel on my bike to her school. Taking the bus would cost more and takes more time. Cycling also takes more time and I perceived a lot of pain because of the condition that I am in right now. It turns out that its not so bad if I position my body the right way while cycling.

Posted by Firdaus Labels: , , ,
Thursday, April 3, 2008 at 11:49 PM | 0 comments  

Cyborg: "My body may have its limitations, but when I put my mind to it, there's nothing I can't do." (Only Human : Season 2 episode 4)
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, March 31, 2008 at 9:46 PM | 0 comments  

Outlandish - Look Into My Eyes

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
You don't see a damn thing
'cause you can't relate to me
You're blinded by our differences
My life makes no sense to you
I'm the persecuted one
You're the red, white and blue

Each day you wake in tranquility
No fears to cross your eyes
Each day I wake in gratitude
Thanking God He let me rise
You worry about your education
And the bills you have to pay
I worry about my vulnerable life
And if I'll survive another day
Your biggest fear is getting a ticket
As you cruise your Cadillac
My fear is that the tank that has just left
Will turn around and come back

Yet, do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Someone tell me ...

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight
I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters

See I've known terror for quite some time
57 years so cruel
Terror breathes the air I breathe
It's the checkpoint on my way to school
Terror is the robbery of my land
And the torture of my mother
The imprisonment of my innocent father
The bullet in my baby brother
The bulldozers and the tanks
The gases and the guns
The bombs that fall outside my door
All due to your funds
You blame me for defending myself
Against the ways of my enemies
I'm terrorized in my own land (what)
And I'm the terrorist?

Yet, do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Someone tell me ...

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight, I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,

American , do you realize that the taxes that you pay
Feed the forces that traumatize my every living day
So if I won't be here tomorrow
It's written in my fate
May the future bring a brighter day
The end of our wait

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight, I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,

Ohh let's not cry tonight I promise you one day is through
Ohh my brothers! Ohh my sisters!
Ooh shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers! Ohh my sisters!


Something more worthy from Denmark than all the other hoo-has.

Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Sunday, March 30, 2008 at 8:56 PM | 0 comments  
After a long day, sitting in front of the computer and my arm is feeling tired, I caught myself talking to myself.

Pessimist me: I wonder why I force myself sometimes?
Optimist me: Cos you don't want to wallow in self pity.
Me: Haha, I'm talking to myself again. (Chuckles to self)

And I went on to blog about this.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Wednesday, March 26, 2008 at 8:45 AM | 0 comments  


Let's be thankful with the gift of life. Start every new day by praising Allah. Aim to make today better than yesterday. Plan out your day properly for time is precious. Understand your purpose of existence, which is to worship Allah. Materialize your positive thoughts into positive actions.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
We all probably have played the game snake and ladder at one point of our life. A game of luck... but nonetheless fun. The anticipation of getting to the goal which is determined by the roll of the die.

The pain whenever we land on a mouth of the snake. It especially heart wrenching when you are a couple of steps from the goal, and you get knocked off back to the starting position.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Monday, March 24, 2008 at 8:27 PM | 0 comments  




It's amazing when things can happen in a global scale, especially if it's for a good cause. Not quite enough to tackle the world's problem. However, we can let them inspire us to do more.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Thursday, March 20, 2008 at 1:09 AM | 0 comments  
When the world seems to crumble all around you.
When all your hopes and dreams seems like a distant memory.
All you can do is to keep on living.
Build yourself up for that perfect moment.
And perhaps tomorrow, you can hope and dream again.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 at 3:33 PM | 0 comments  
When you don't feel like blogging about your life, you can always embed a video into your blog.

Rasulullah SAW is our role model. Let's make an effort to get to know him better.

Posted by Firdaus Labels:
Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 12:27 PM | 0 comments  
My grandmother was discharged from the hospital last Monday and is now on a 31 day medical leave... not that she needs it.

The doctors insisted that CABG(bypass) was a better option than PCI(the balloon procedure) for her condition was pretty advanced. She initially agreed to the bypass and even signed the papers for the procedure. I suppose the memory of seeing her late friend going through the pain of the bypass was too much for her. She said she wanted to be able to stand up to pray, fearing that by taking the vein from her leg would affect this. She insisted on doing the balloon procedure.

Doctors after doctors tried convincing her otherwise. The procedure was done last Friday and the doctors were pleasantly surprised that one of the arteries which was completely blocked was easily unclogged. The one that was 90% block had stents in place.

Now comes the hard part of letting her have complete rest. The 'leader' of a group of elderly women who frequents to Larkin and other parts of Malaysia will just have to rest for now.

I know waiting is sometimes the hardest part. It's just a part of life.
Posted by Firdaus Labels:


I spent the last weekend at NACLI. Nice facilities with good food. Too bad it's only one night. It was a great reminder for myself as a khalifah on this earth. I went with the intention to learn and be inspired. I believe I did.
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at 8:39 PM | 0 comments  
My 72 year-old maternal grandmother was admitted to SGH last Thursday. She suffers from angina and has been on medication for years. Upon probing the doctors found 2 out 3 of her coronary arteries are completely blocked with the other one 90% blocked.

She refused to be probed but relented when a fellow patient said that the probing would not hurt. The doctor recommends coronary artery bypass graft(CABG) and percutaneous coronary intervention(PCI) as the second option. It took another period of coaxing to convince her to sign the papers to allow the procedure.

She would not relent to the coaxing of her son and daughters. Alhamdulillah she relented after one of her niece coaxed her. Mum says that by not relenting to her son and daughters was her way of showing that she's manja towards them. The way I see it, she's just putting on a silent tantrum to mask the fear of uncertainty and calling out for more attention from her loved ones. Just like when a child throws a tantrum, she just wants more attention.

She's opting for the PCI procedure which is not surgical. The doctor will insert stents to widen the passage of the arteries. The stents will be locked in place by inflating a balloon like apparatus. This will be done by inserting the apparatus with a wire from either an artery from the leg or the hand. This will be done on her
left anterior descending(LAD) and right coronary artery(RCA).

I did some reading up and feel cautiously optimistic of the procedure which will be done either tomorrow or the day after depending on her condition. All we can do now is to give doa that Allah will make the procedure a success and for her speedy recovery. Amin.
Posted by Firdaus
Here's something interesting. I got this from here. Which direction is she spinning? Try making her spin the other way.

click on image to make her dance... blogger can't make her dance

Having troubles.... try to close of one your eyes alternately.

Had fun..... ? Just as some of you can make the figure turn either direction, it seems my life can go any direction from this point in time. Truthfully speaking I don't know which direction is better for me.

Speaking from experience, one thing is certain. I should keep moving just as the figure above keeps spinning. The worst thing I can do now is let the situation paralyze me to a standstill. I shall continue moving forward and praying to be guided to the best path for me.
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