I try to resist writing long entries because most people would probably just scan through it. Sometimes, I just can't resist.
So... I've been trying to live based on this statement, "To truly grow as an individual, one has to expose himself to new experiences and challenge his own limiting beliefs."
I've been doing okay. This is not something easy for an introvert who feels most comfortable inside his own head. Islam is a social religion. To be a good muslim, I have to change. Learning to interact well with other people would definitely benefit myself and insyaAllah to other people as well.
Albeit still learning, it gets easier trying to get myself to be more out there. Exposing myself to different experiences and people only serves to remind myself I have still a lot to learn.
It's always a humbling experience to be around peers who are more knowlegeable in Islam. At times, even demoralizing, just thinking who am I in the eyes of Allah. It still gets me, only for short while... and I see it as a good thing. I see it as something to motivate me to trudge on.
I am done living in self pity and sticking to the status quo. I wasted a lot of my time on that. Islam has taught me to live today better than I was yesterday. And tomorrow to be better than today. This by itself is a powerful and empowering notion. This drives me to do things with itqan. Doing the best that I can in everything that I do.
Whenever I feel that I am way behind compared to my peers, I think of this notion, suck it up, re-check my ego and move on. In fact, I am grateful to have these people around.
How does one keep track that today is better than yesterday? The way that I do it is by keeping a muhasabah book. Muhasabah means introspection. What I do is I will try to review what I have done during the day and write my thoughts on how I could have done things better as a muslim. I will review what I have written and strive to change for the better when a new day comes. Writing works for me but may not work for others. Maybe you could just think it through after your solat. Perhaps even talk it through with a close friend. Whatever works for you.
Whatever works for you..... What works for me will not necessarily work for you. A major part of living a rewarding life is to understand yourself. It took me a long time for me to understand myself. Life has been changing for the better ever since. The search of self-discovery is unique to every individual, i guess. If there are tips that I can give, it would be back to what I said earlier, expose yourself to new things. Esteem problems can be a killer. It can stop you from trying. Start small, keep track through muhasabah. Get more knowledge of every kind. When you need to, seek help from someone who is qualified to give advice.
Last Sunday NurIkhwan organised a hike at McRitchie. Did some ice breaking. Food was good. Got to know more about one another. It was a day well spent. It was more casual compared to the hike NYPMS organized 2 years ago. It gave the participants more opportunity to mingle. The tasks were fun.
I learnt something about myself in the process. A 'weakness' of mine. I suppose I have to learn to conform to the majority when doing certain things.
Being in McRitchie, and the fact that the rain poured around the same time as it did 2 years ago brought back memories. People who were in NYPMS and the people who are in it now. The way that I saw NYPMS and the way that I see it now.
I see myself taking a different role in NYPMS soon and pass it down. There's still some loose ends to tie. I pray that I can pass it down in a good condition.
It has been uploaded and hopefully it will be able to create a ripple, if not, a wave in cyberspace. We learnt a lot from this experience and insyaAllah, we will better our efforts for future videos.
Albeit a little late at releasing the video, I must congratulate the entire team for their enthusiasm especially, and the time that they have put into this video. I feel that it is a decent end-product for a first attempt within a short time frame.
Went shooting at Geylang Serai on Monday for NYPMS network's video on Eid Adha. We want to find out the public's view of Eid Adha and raise awareness in some areas regarding the joyous festival. I was there with the cameraman, none other than Azmi. Our interviewers Huda and Syaheer. Azhar was there after his class.
On Tuesday, the members came to my place to do the editing. Appreciate their help. Azmi came first. Then Aminah and Huda. Followed by Ishak, then Syaheer. Hilwan popped by after his work. Appreciate every help that you guys put in, at the same there's a lot that I learnt from this experience.
We'll have a postmortem of this project real soon. Actually, I'm rendering out the movie as I am typing this.
On Wednesday, I had to rush things trying to finish the video by 5pm. We wanted to have a launch of the video during a overnight camp in conjunction of Eid Adha. Unfortunately, the camp didn't materialize. Had a great experience working under pressure though. Did a 'private' screening and got some feedbacks.
And today... I should have started sending the videos to everyone. I tried to improve the video from the feedback that we received since it carries the brand name of NYPMS network. Pretty pleased with the end result. Currently playing the waiting game of rendering and compressing and will be uploading it on youtube.
After today, 2 weeks of term break begins. Yay!! Time to wind down a little and catch up on school work, freelance work and nypmsn. Big Bro is getting married tomorrow. Sekejap lagi sedara2 dah start datang untuk rewang. I did my fair share of helping out with designing invitation cards and posters. Could have helped out more in the printing part more though. Will play another part tomorrow as saksi and most probably handling of guests and whatever else.
Why am I blogging at this hour? Didnt sleep last night.. had to finish up scanning of drawing assignment. Yup, it's finally done. Had a short nap in the afternoon yesterday though. Later today would probably be another long day, hopefully not entirely work.
Though the week had been hectic, I believe that there is time for everything if you set some time for Allah. By everything here, I mean proper management of time for different things. I can safely say I can feel the sweetness of reading once again. Reading time is relaxing time. Like I said, there is time for everything.
There's more drawing to be done but I'm forced to take a break from it all. It's back.... and it's a good sign. The pain in my hand that spreads until the back. I have been drawing overtime for assignments and freelance work.
I haven't suffered from this overdrawing for quite some time. It was a frequent occurrence for me the first year and the half of polytechnic. Those were my super-on days with a 3.9 GPA.
That pain in my hand was among the things that I was thinking about. I was putting lots of effort into my schoolwork. When the pain came, it got me thinking, "What if Allah decided to take the nikmat of the use of my hand and I could not draw for a living?"
That's a scary thought. Will I be ready if that happens to me? Cut things short, that thought and many other thoughts boiled up to one big dilemma and one big question, "What's my next move?" You may want to refer to one of my earliest entries.
I took the whole episode as a lesson to learn, and I am still learning to better myself.
Back to the pain. I have a theory as to how I got it. I could be very wrong but I think I first got it while I was working in the airport as a screener. I think when I placed my hand into the x-ray machine to grab a bag(My job was to screen people and check the luggage before people boarded planes). That's when I remember feeling that same pain for the first time. Again... that's just my theory and maybe I am just being paranoid.
Anyway, I try to see the pain as an old friend who checks up on me once in a while. Especially if I am consumed with work. I shall quote Aldous Huxley who once said, "They intoxicate themselves with work so that they won't see how they really are."
Pure hard work is good. However, some people use work as a drug to numb themselves from the real issues that they really need to tackle. Just something to ponder on. Don't be a sloth either.
The last couple of weeks had been testing for me. My head and my heart had an epic battle with one another. Now, it seems that the storm has subsided and there's only calm waters in the horizon. Both the head and the heart have said what they needed to and they have come up with a truce.
It made me see clearer of the obstacles that I need to overcome. Some things will need to wait, some things I will need to attend to immediately, other things I need to consistently attend to. :)
