Friday, November 30, 2007 at 8:30 PM | 0 comments  
My 16 year old cousin passed away last night around maghrib. The first of the cousins to go. It serves as a reminder for the rest of us that this life is just a test.

another entry whereby mere words can't describe the experience... i'll leave it as this
Posted by Firdaus
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 at 7:41 AM | 0 comments  
I'm feeling kinda stupid right about now, trying to play a game I am totally alien at. It's okay though. Still crashing and burning through life experiences and taking in the lessons along the way. I don't let these things get to me so much now since I value the lessons that I get to learn from them.

It's totally fine to feel stupid once in a while. It lets you feel grounded and not get big headed.

Don't watch this
if you have better things to do.



Introspective Emo Power.... lol.
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007 at 8:26 PM | 0 comments  
It's the school holidays for the little kids. It's also typically the season of weddings. A friend of has been saying, "Asyik dapat saman jer, aku pun nak saman orang". I understand the feeling. The 'saman' here is referring to wedding invitation. It's not surprising to be getting the invitations since my peers and I have come to an age where it is suitable to settle down.

The cherry on top of the icing will be my own brother's wedding in a couple of weeks. These got me thinking that marriage is a huge commitment and responsibility for anyone to take. At the same time, it would be nice to have a someone there for you.

I am going to this entry about me and say that I think it would be nice to have someone say the following words to me and really mean it.

Don't let your head rule you heart
Don't let your world be torn apart
Don't keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

I know Its hard when you're feeling down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes but doesn't everybody
You don't always have to agree with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far (what you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (Free)
Let all your emotions run free
You don't always have to agree
With someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me

On a side note, I feel guilty to long for such a thing when I am still dealing with the anxiety of 2 posts ago. Confusing times.
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Monday, November 26, 2007 at 10:35 AM | 0 comments  
When the truth gets presented right in front of your face, the worst thing a person can do is to deny the truth and go against it out of arrogance. If you fail to introspect the err of your action, your heart will be blinded from the truth.

As you go through life, and insist living life the same way, your heart will continue to be engulfed by a blanket your own arrogance. Don't let your heart be closed from receiving and accepting the light of the truth. This will be your ultimate downfall.

If you are not ready to accept the truth, don't go against it. Admit that you are not ready for a change at that moment. At your own time, get back to the truth and think about it. Get away from worldly distractions and really think about it. Pray that the light of the truth will guide you and mend your ways.
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Thursday, November 22, 2007 at 11:57 PM | 0 comments  
Today, I got a shock to hear that my 16 year-old cousin got hospitalized. She was having an asthma attack and fainted. Her dad was there to rush to the hospital. The vital organs including the heart and brain stopped for 5 minutes. She's in comatose now.

I just pray that she'll recover fully soon and that the family will be strong enough to go through this.

We are all living on borrowed time... Allah's.
Posted by Firdaus
I was surfing youtube with the intention of inspiring myself with Islam. Here's what I found...



NYPMS Network can do something like this to change the general perception of Islam. Current Affairs Department... something for you guys to think about.
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Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 8:53 PM | 0 comments  
Yesterday, by far, was the most meaningful meeting that we had as a club. Started the meeting at 8.30am. I am really glad that you guys are willing to share your hopes and then some more. Delegated jobs to be done but still lots to be done in the near future.

Finally, we got to change the carpets on blk L and blk E mussolah to rubber tiles. I believe we got a good price for the rubber tiles thanks to Siti. Siti only brought a sample. Therefore we needed to get more. Syaheer suggested that the two of us go get more supply. I think it's more because he was ever so enthusiastic to get a chance to pillion on my bike. We took the chance to brave through the dark clouds towards Toa Payoh Lor 1.

It drizzled a bit when we made our way back to school. I'll say this again, "Sorry for the visorless helmet Syaheer." He took some hits from the rain. Haha.... all for a good cause. The day in school ended by around 4pm. Glad that was done and over with. Looking forward for more challenges.
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Monday, November 12, 2007 at 3:13 PM | 0 comments  
I found myself in a situation whereby I was having a conversation very comfortably. I stopped, zoned back into my head and thought to myself, "I feel at peace between my outside world and the world in my head. The two realms can co-exist peacefully. There's still hope for me."
Posted by Firdaus Labels: ,
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 10:18 PM | 0 comments  
I feel that I need to elaborate on my previous entry....

Problems, or rather, challenges is a fact of life that nobody can run away from. It's going to be there no matter what. I'm old enough to understand that and accept it as a fact of life. I am perfectly fine with it as Allah mentioned in the Quran:

“No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear…”

Surah
Al-Baqarah [2:233]

Life is just a test for us mere mortals. Some loses faith of the Creator when faced with problems. They lose faith with the seemingly unfair world. The reason it seems unfair is because it is merely a test and life does not end when you die. The eternal life is in the afterlife. You'll be graded and be sent to either heaven of hell.

My previous entry was more of a realisation of the existence of my ego. Of my feeling that my problems are bigger that anyone else's. I suppose its natural, as with everyone else, to see your problem as a higher priority than other people's problems .

However, as I open my mind to everything around me and interacting a little more with the people around me, I have come to realise that everyone has his own challenges to overcome. What makes mine so special? And those with chronic illnesses... I wonder if I could face such challenges. If we learn to empathise and help one another, life will be so much better for everyone.

Don't be happy if your life seems to be smooth sailing. It only means that Allah is fair. And that you are not strong enough to be tested.

Is that a good thing? Hardly. It means that you will need to introspect your self. Something is probably still missing.

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying "We believe" and that they will not be tested?
Surah Al-Ankabut [29:1]


In conclusion, my challenges are not bigger than anyone else's. It is designed in such a way that I would be rewarded if I am able to react to it in the correct manner. When I do well, I get rewarded. If not in this lifetime, I'll get it in the hereafter.

So, for those of you facing challenges in your life right now, don't despair. You can always turn to Allah for help. You can always try to approach me for help. And the way I will react...... that will be my challenge.
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Sunday, November 4, 2007 at 9:25 AM | 0 comments  
Most of the times, I feel that the problems I face in my life are so much bigger than everyone else's. But seriously, who am I kidding?
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The following is a description of an INTJ(google that to find out more). The tests take I have taken online have shown that I belong to this group although I am borderline in the Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving part. Should you wish to try to understand me better, read on. (in brackets are my added comments)

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it(too much at times, that it feels overwhelming). They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way(i love to understand just as much). Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure(leaving things to chance feels stressful, but it helps that I have people around whom I trust around as support) and organization usually requires that they take some action.

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems(altogether now, SYSTEMS) and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions(it's like a huge web whereby I need to consider every aspect of ideas before forming my own concept of understanding on a particular subject; at times seemingly impossible to put together). The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand(it's just hard for me to explain things). However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable(takes lots of pre-planning), rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts(the little creatures crawling all over the web). They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction(it's not that I don't want to share during brainstorming, it takes time for my cookies to bake. And I don't like half-baked cookies) and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort(Yes, I keep on trying).

INTJs are natural leaders(Amin. I really hope I can be one), although they usually choose to remain in the background(I don't need all that attention) until they see a real need to take over the lead(if it is worth upholding). When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective(as with anything else, with enough practice of course), because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings(this part is not true of me, quite the opposite actually). Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed(but this part, sadly, apply to me). Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas(tell me if this happens).

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system(everything leads to that the big picture). Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things(of course I am, until you can convince me otherwise: and I will listen and put in effort to re-think again). Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party(haiz..... gajah depan mata tak nampak, nyamuk kat sembarang laut tu boleh nampak pulak?? this was so true that my personal growth was impeded for a very long time. Alhamdulillah I see my flaws and strive to change), rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves(isn't it obvious to you? you mean i actually have to explain to you...okay...i'll make a note of it). This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious(silently), self-confident(only recently... after realizing I will never be like the majority and I don't need to), deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns(it's called systems :) ).

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ(duh! and good luck trying, took me forever just to start understanding that. however, i feels there is a hikmah behind it). They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others(i love u too... did i say that out loud?..... it just feels weird or wrong..... unnatural.... that's the word i'm looking for), they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something(true).

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive(i'm not even gonna say), Sensate activities, such as over-drinking(definitely NOT!! i don't smoke either. never tried. been offered a couple of times. but still, never. i've told that i've tried to some people though, due to peer pressure. astaghfirullah.). They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal(this is a killer tendency).

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things(i think everybody does.... as for me, i have to overcome the social aspect first; that's a pain. it's very draining to be around people) They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

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