Tuesday, March 31, 2009
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11:20 PM
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Man has a tendency to focus on what he is deprived from. Be it health or wealth. Partly its built-in to man's survival mechanism. When we injure ourselves, we will feel the pain. Pain is a signal for us to attend to the problem.
Pain, or challenges in life, becomes a problem when we mull over it extensively and starts to engage in self-pity. Being overly optimistic probably can't all that good either if we end up in wishful thinking. So I remind myself not to end up in the either one of the extreme states.
Having said that, my week had been interesting. I was not feeling well for most of the week... always a good opportunity to just let go and reflect.
On a higher note, March and April and the birthday months for everyone in our house except me. 30th March was Nadia's.
 I had a conversation with my other siblings, those 21 and above. We were thinking of the presents we had given to our little sisters for the past years. We agreed that the presents we gave were things that we would have wanted when we were smaller.... and we are guilty of playing with the stuffs we gave to our little sisters(buang gian).
I personally find nothing wrong with that as we will be genuinely happy for them!! At the same time, we can teach the value of sharing :p
In the end its not the present that matters, what matters is the time we spend with one another. If a present helps in that process... so be it. As the older one, I see the challenges that my siblings would have to face. My job is to remind them when it's due. I see myself when I was her age in Nadia... and I'll do my best to guide her.
So young yet so stressed out. Kids shouldn't grow up like that. But some of us do... and it's mainly from self-expectation, not from external factors. We want to be perfect. We are the naturally driven types... but we need to have a purpose. For the kid, it could be trying to be the perfect student, trying to be the pride of the parents. It becomes hard when we fail to master the basics of self-expression. When we fall, we fall hard. We might even get our very psychological concept of 'Self' torn apart. When that happens, it's a tough process to recover without the proper intervention.
Posted by
Firdaus
Labels:
about me,
little sisters
Friday, March 20, 2009
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7:22 AM
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I went to catch my first movie ever on Malaysian soil last Tuesday. My eldest bro drove us to JB's City Square to catch Geng : Pengemberaan Bermula. I always use my little sisters Ainul and Nadia to justify the need to watch cartoons. Another excuse that I use is... "It's for research." And its true for both cases to some extend. I also watch them because its fun.
Dad decided to tag along also and hence the 5 of us made our way to JB for the 11.40 show. City Square is very Orchard Road. The movie theatre, being run by Cathay makes the experience no different than going to a local cinema. The only difference is that the people around us are mainly Malays and there's a proper mussolah just around the corner.
 Yeah... and the ticket costs RM5 off-peak.
The show itself is pretty good. As expected, there were funny moments splattered throughout the movie. The script was good. It felt natural. It's nice to see an animation with a kampung setting. However, the show got a little mundane for me with too many chasing sequence. But the little twist in the storyline saved the movie in the end. Overall, like my brother said the movie was a little too fantasy for a Malaysian show. I agree but it's also a matter of what we are accustomed to and what we've come to expect.
It's a great movie for kids to enjoy but surprising a tad violent from what I expected from Upin and Ipin. Parents discretion is advised. For adults, it's a good to sit through for a good laugh. The movie lacked that strong emotional appeal which shows like Meet the Robinsons and Happy Feet are good at. A strong moral theme is also lacking. It feels more just like an adventurous ride. But still, an awesome experience. Spurred me to embark on my own personal animation project for this holiday.
Posted by
Firdaus
Labels:
animation,
little sisters,
review
Monday, October 27, 2008
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11:25 PM
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 Siti Nurul Nadia Ainul Sariyah with Bear Bear
I started to delve on why Ainul was able to learn how to ride so fast. I attribute why it was so to a couple of things. Firstly she's already in K2 when someone (me) finally bothered to teach her how to ride the bicycle. It's considerably older than other kids learning how to cycle out there. A more important factor is probably because she already understands the concept of balance. She's already a pro on her blue kick scooter prior to this. It's applying the same concept on a different tool.
At that point in time, I was just beginning to force myself to be proficient with my left hand. I was able to relate my situation to this incident.
"Maybe it won't take another 20 years to learn writing with my other hand."
"It's just switching tools, it's not like I have to re-learn the artistic skills. I just need to learn how to control it."
And I said thank you to Allah for that little motivation in my journey towards ambidexterity.
Another motivation came in a form of an obvious question by a colleague, "Kalau kau hari-hari draw, ko nyer drawing makin bagus. Betul eh?" He asked that question because he has a younger brother who became obsessed of drawing quite recently.
A part of me wanted to reply, "Isn't that obvious. Of course lar."
I managed to give a nice reply, "Betul ar."
Moments later I felt that question was directed more towards me. If I want to become better with my left hand I just need to practise continuosly.... obvious kan. My heart said my thanks again.
With these two micro-epiphanies, the choice was still left for me to make. Continue with the struggle or concede defeat to the challenge. If I choose the latter, I remind myself that I will be no better than the musyriks who turn their backs from the Truth even after witnessing it with their own eyes.
Once I mastered my left hand, it'll be like riding a bicycle. I won't forget how to do so. My journey continues.
Posted by
Firdaus
Labels:
ambidextrous,
little sisters
Sunday, May 18, 2008
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7:34 AM
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 Last Saturday, I rushed from NYP to make myself present for this mother's day event. It was a lunch/charity/mother's day event. Mothers were presented with a rose upon entry. The whole family was there including our maternal grandmother and sis-in-law. Dad decided to attend and bought his ticket on the day itself, and ended up sitting at a table with the star-performer for the day, Didicazli.
But we were there to see our smallest one perform. Our littlest sister was performing a skit, together with some of her kindergarten2 classmates. She played the part of Alqamah's mother. Her teacher was saying how great she was at the role to mum prior to the performance, we had to see it ourselves.
I felt little sis could have done better with her facial expressions but she was able to deliver her lines well. She took her role seriously unlike some of her classmates... but of course, that is to be expected of most kids their age.
Once, while lying down in bed at home, she lamented that she preferred the role of Alqamah cause she would only need to lie down ~ then she pretended to have fits and pretended to die. LOL!
Other than the skit, there were performances in the form of nasyid and poetry by other students. I know nuts about the local malay music but the performance by Didicazli was pretty alright. However, in my opinion, the muazzin of En-Naeem Mosque sounded so much better. I was somewhat mesmerized. There was also a mini forum session towards the end.
We even got to bring back lucky draw prizes. Big bro and Dad were the lucky ones. The whole event has a warm feeling to it. It was a nice day out to celebrate the 2 mothers in our family.
Posted by
Firdaus
Labels:
family,
little sisters
Sunday, April 6, 2008
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11:09 PM
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This happened on 28 March 2008.
The story
It began with me waking up with a lingering memory of a dream(the nocturnal, when you got to sleep, REM type) I just had.
In this dream, I was a soldier. I remember vividly attaching a bayonet to my M-16 rifle. The atmosphere was dark and damp. All hell breaks loose kind of situation. I was snooping around and fired my rounds at 3 soldiers. I killed them. They were from my own platoon. But deep inside, I knew they were actually traitors. However, I knew that my superiors and other platoon mates would not believe me if I told them. So, I took matters at my own hands and went rifle frenzy. I riddled my rounds especially on one particular soldier.
After doing so, I felt that I was doomed. I tried to find a way out. I knew I had to return my arms(rifle and ammunition) eventually. I would be questionable of my missing rounds. They would eventually find out that it was my doing; killing those 3 soldiers. After pondering for some time, I felt it was best that I surrendered and serve 2 or 3 years jail time(What!!! 2-3 years for murder!!... it was a dream... remember, doesn't have to make much sense).
That was the dream that I had. I remembered something regarding dreams from Ustaz Iqbal's short sermons. Tafsir on surah Yusuf; still ongoing on Fridays nights after Maghrib(technically Saturday... you know what I mean). He was telling the jemaah(boleh kira dua tangan), a story which reflects Rasulullah's stance on nightmares.
I am going to simplify the story... A woman came to Rasulullah and told him of a dream she had of her husband. She asked Rasulullah what the dream meant. Rasulullah knew it was a bad sign but told the woman that her husband was safe(the husband was musafir at that point). The woman had the dreams over and over again. Every time, she would worry and seek Rasulullah's opinion to the meaning of the dream. Everytime, Rasulullah would reassure her that it was a good sign and her husband was safe. One day, Rasulullah was not home and the woman was again, seeking reassurance of the dream she had. Instead, it was Rasulullah's wife, Aisyah, who attended to the woman. She told her that the dream was a bad sign. The woman was devastated. Soon after, the woman received news that her husband had passed away. [correct me of the details if I'm wrong].
Back to my story, the lesson from this story is that we should not interpret a nightmare lest it will come true.
Apparently knowing is one thing, doing is another. I tried not to interpret the dream. It didn't take me long before I interpret the dream as "I'm going to do something I'll regret." I tried to ignore the feeling and got on with the day.
Soon it was time to send my 6 year-old sister to school on my motorcycle. I had a brief strange feeling but nothing more.
I went home, did some things and it was time to fetch my sister. Going down the stairs to my motorcycle, the sensation that I had earlier in the day grew tremendously. I was starting to feel very uneasy. I was feeling that it was better for me to take the bus instead, but i couldn't as I was running late and I needed to fetch my sister. When I started my motorcycle, I thought to myself, "Maybe, I'll take the bus home with my sister when I get there."
Throughout the journey, I felt uneasy. Reached the mosque(kindergarten in the mosque) to fetch my sister and carried on with my journey. With my sister as the pillion, all I could do was to recite verses. I still felt very uneasy. All these while, I was trying to rationalize the feeling away. I was telling myself that I was just being paranoid.
Strangely, at the same time, I wanted something to happen. I wanted to believe that something will happen. That's why, for the most part, I did not react to the feeling. I wanted to see if something really happens.
I was at the last turn towards home, feeling somewhat disappointed that nothing had happened. And then, there it was. Upon turning, 3 traffic police officers were just there standing around with their ever-so-cool motorbikes. I was flagged to stop... and I did. It not so much the feeling of regret that I had, but I was more at awe at the fact that something actually happened.
Carrying a pillion under the age of 10 is a traffic offence. The first thing I asked was, "Will my license be revoked or something?" Alhamdulillah, I was told that it won't. I was asked to take out my driving(riding) license and IC. The officer had a good look at me. He asked how old my sister was. It took some processing time. I glanced around to fully realize there were 3 of them. The 3 soldiers in the dream. 3 officers = 3 soldiers. That one soldier who got extra bullets from me was the officer who stopped me. In the end, I was slapped with a $100 fine. No demerit points.
He was very professional at doing at what he does. Courteous throughout. I would have gone out of my way to write a letter of commendation...... if he had not booked me.
Not the best of times for me to get fined. Heck, it's never good to get fined.
Some things lost(money), but some things gained(lessons). More than ever, I believe. I believe in that intangible feeling(tahap ainul yaqin kot). There are valuable lessons to learn here. I will pay more attention to these feelings in the future.
From that day on, I've been sending and fetching my sister the old way. With my bike, the type which you need to paddle. It's a good change. Though I have to painfully cycle to and fro, it's actually nothing new to me. I've done that with my other younger siblings, all 3 of them. Fetching and sending them to school with my bicycle.
I'll share more about that intangible feeling and the lessons learnt in future posts. For now, I'll sign off with a disclaimer:
Just know that I felt very safe to pillion my sister on my motorcycle. I took time, cost of travel and pain as a deciding factor. Anyway, it was just 5 minutes of travel on my bike to her school. Taking the bus would cost more and takes more time. Cycling also takes more time and I perceived a lot of pain because of the condition that I am in right now. It turns out that its not so bad if I position my body the right way while cycling.
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I had a conversation with my other siblings, those 21 and above. We were thinking of the presents we had given to our little sisters for the past years. We agreed that the presents we gave were things that we would have wanted when we were smaller.... and we are guilty of playing with the stuffs we gave to our little sisters(buang gian).
