Options are good. It gives one a false impression that one has control over his life....at least to a certain extent.
I want to have a real taste of working in the animation industry. Nerve issues(the physical type) is still holding me back. Getting better but still not quite there yet. I am better to a point that I've slacked and not doing the recommended exercises. Its the final mile.
Getting too old to make a name in the industry and yet I still have trouble specializing since I love doing quite a range of stuffs.
I want to start a business, but so does everyone else. It seems that this is the only way to redeem myself after an treading on an unorthodox path. I am starting to feel okay at the idea that I only do design/animation for leisure. What matters most is that I find an outlet to contribute to my personal causes.
Malaysia's Les Copaque would be a no.1 choice but they only accept Malaysians... then again, I haven't really tried. I want to polish up my demoreel within these 6 months and give it a shot at sending out an application.
Option 1 is to take a another diploma with WDA subsidy.... work fully on my demoreel while getting paid some money.
Option 2 is to take up the job at CNB, the pay is not maximal as compared to what I can possibly get in my industry... but I am thankful nonetheless that I got it. 6 months temporary position. With the freedom redetermine my future after that.
Option 3 is to wait and take up a better paying job(pending results from interviews) that may take up my leisure time to do other things.
Its not really options since I'm almost certain that I'll take option 2 with the consideration of other things happening.
I thought it was over but I'll be returning to school to complete our FYP. I agree with the lecturers that it would be a waste to leave the animation hanging as it has a lot of potential. I'll continue working on it until I get a job. That sounds like a decent arrangement for now.
Results are out and my paltry GPA has been computed, a reflection of bad decisions I made when faced with adversity. I pulled out way too late. I am however, forever thankful for the moral support of friends who helped me stay in the course of getting my diploma. I had never expected it to have been this hard to get that diploma. The most important thing now is to remember the lessons I've learned from all this. Sadly, I still forget at times.
I'd like to start working immediately but job hunting will be a new chapter of new challenges for me.
I'm available for freelance work. Flash animation, graphic design, poster designs, 3d modeling. Check out www.feer.co.cc. I cannot update the website since the server is down for upgrade but it is still worth checking the site out.
A work in progress of Kuchiki Rukia. Decided to do a digital piece with my left hand for the heck of it.... ended up switching to my right hand for about 50% of the line work. The coloring all done with left hand. Kudos to me. My left hand is becoming more adept in such task. Speed has gone up. Accuracy has gone up.
I am thankful for every limb that I have. Will continue working on this... some work on the upper torso, one eye looks slightly skewed. Add highlights and shadows and I should be done.
Ikigai is a japanese term which means the reason of being. The reason to wake up in the morning for. That purpose that makes living to an old ripe age worth living.
I am in a dire need of redefining my own ikigai. Last Monday, I gave up hoping that I can work in the design/animation line full time in the near future.
Next week will be my final week in polytechnic. I am relieved for that. But that does not eliminate the fact that there are still things to be done in this short period of time. After that, I'll have a month to prepare for the students' graduation where we showcase our works for prospective employers. The fact that I have given up makes the whole thing seem mundane. I'll still put in some effort for I have hopes of doing this on a freelance basis for now.
This is not the kind of ending that I had hoped for. I had imagined the end as a huge relieve and ecstasy. I am sure it will a huge relieve, but there will be no celebration for job hunting began months ago for me. I tried applying for a teaching position in MOE and ICA. Went for both interviews, alas I will have to face more interviews before I clinch a job.
To quit hoping with slightly more than a month before the day.... well I can say that I gave it a good fight. There were countless times that I gave up the dream but came back hoping shortly after. Holding on the the dream has been taxing to me but I kept holding on for I have learnt in what seemed to me as my previous life. I had learnt in that life that, to lose hope of a dream is to be a walking dead. Lifeless.
Having said that, is this really giving up? No, it's not. It's definitely not losing hope of the rahmat of Allah. The struggles these past years may not have ended me with a dream job in the close future. But, it ended me with a diploma and 2 extra years worth of lesson in patience and perseverance. And for that hope of my dream job.... maybe it'll rise up from the ashes as a phoenix brighter than before.
Life is a journey, not a destination. I am exactly where I am supposed to be now. The following Bon Jovi song sums things up nicely.
I caught James Cameron's Avatar with Remy and Azmi last Sunday.
I probably first stumbled into the term avatar in the computer game series Ultima. Then there was Nickelodeon's anime series Avatar:The Last Airbender/The Legend of Aang which still ranks among the top in books, which is why I was quite irked that some other movie is using the name as its title.
Movies are created to bring you into that world for that short period of time. For some reason I was not able fully immerse myself into the movie... probably because I was still sour of the title of the movie and of course also because of that uncertain road for me in the not so distant future.
(warning spoilers ahead)...
I could feel for the excitement of the wheelchair-bound Jake Sully when he first got a feel of controlling his avatar. To walk again, to run again must certainly be someone wheelchair-bound.
I appreciate the crazy amount of work that must have been spent from the conceptualization stage down till compositing of the final product. Sound design wise, an untrained movie-goer may under-appreciate the importance it plays in the whole. The snarl of the na'vi and the other creatures in the movie
The background sky of the alien planet shows 2 moon which is overly cliche but effective in depicting an alien planet.
Humans needed a breathing device to survive on the planet... but I how on earth... i mean how on pandora was the main character able to light up a fire on that planet if oxygen was not present. Then I tried to rationalize that it's not because of the lack of oxygen.... but rather a presence of a lethal gas that suffocates the humans on that planet. Maybe a different sets of scientific laws are at work. That conveniently make sense of everything.
Should anyone think so hard when watching a movie. No! But why do I torture myself? Partly, it comes from having to be critical to the our own stories as animators. Also because I have a tendency to overcomplicate things.
Overall the movie was pretty awesome. I liked the epic battle part when the good guys were losing. I also like the part where one has to choose between what is just and siding to your own 'kind'. I would not know what I would do if I were put in such a situation.
The twist and turn of life is a never-ending source of amusement. It's the new islamic new year and it's a good time for introspection. In conjunction with the spirit of the momentous hijrah 1431 years ago, let's get rid of the old and in with the new.
My resolve is to rescue rukia... no wait, that's ichigo's resolve. My resolve for this year is to wear my heart on my sleeves more often. I am substituting the overused word resolution to create emphasis and in my opinion, it has a ring of definiteness to it. I also resolve to take care of my health. According to Maslow, one of the criterias of self-actualization is appreciating emotion and react easily to emotions. I have to admit that this is not my strong suit, not that it is a secret since I walk around everywhere with a stoic disposition.
My long absence from blogging has primarily been because of me hiding my struggle with some aspects of my health and the need to keep this blog 'whine-free'. I shall share a little more on this in hope that it will be beneficial to others.
There were 2 shows that I watched this week that speaks of the matter of the heart. Bleach episode 250
Ginrei Kuchiki: When one is granted great power, what is of the utmost importance in mastering it?"
Kouga Kuchicki: What is it?
Ginrei Kuchiki: Your heart. Those who have great power must know how to control their own power. And sometimes be controlled by that power. In order to truly create such a relationship, it is necessary to have a strong heart that keeps you from becoming overconfident. I am well aware of how great your power is, but you still lack the heart to fully master it.
Smallville Season 8 episode 4
Clark: I know she's not the one, but... it got me to thinking. Chloe showed me this love letter she wrote to me years ago, and... her feelings were really intense. And Chloe was right there in front of me, and I never realized how she felt. What if my soul mate comes along and I'm too blind to see it? 48F063E8.JPG
Lois: I don't know, Smallville(this refers to clark kent). I think... that when the right girl walks into your life... you'll know.
