my chronicles

Converting Fonts

2011-07-30T13:59:00.003+08:00

This site can do a wonderful job of converting .ttf to .eot in a jiffy. http://www.kirsle.net/wizards/ttf2eot.cgi

Resolution

2011-01-07T02:00:00.005+08:00

My resolution for this year is to look like this. All I have to do is is to lose 238712888kg, buff up, somehow get quick-healing mutant ability and find a mad scientist to conduct adumantium plating on my bones.

Eid

2010-09-13T07:36:00.003+08:00

Its a season of celebrations but let's not make ramadan go to waste. I take the momentum of a renewed vigour to scour the lands for a new job. My current contract will expire in less than 3 months. There is an option to extend my contract but I am hoping to move on and finally land a job in my line by then. Working extra hard to finish up my new portfolio site for prospective employers.

Glass Panel

2010-06-13T23:19:00.002+08:00

I've been commuting to work and back on the MRT. NEL takes me to my workplace pretty fast. Morning city traffic is always best avoided together with those ERP gantries. All week I've been standing in the train and watch with fascination people who have mastered the art of balancing on the train without holding to anything.

Flat feet hurts and my back suffers when I tried emulating the balancing act. I can do it at the expense of comfort. I'll hold on to railings if I could help it. Crowd sucks and I only got to be seated once which was on last Friday, since work dismisses 30 min earlier.

And so I was seated. I caught my own reflection on the glass panel across me. Never did I realize how bad my posture was. My right shoulder drooped much lower than I thought. Having caught myself, I tried to position myself to a better posture.

I've slacked a lot. I thought I've improved quite a fair bit but that was a reminder of how much further I still need to through. Can I ever dare to dream of the dream job. I rejected a more permanent job prospect. I took up the temp job thinking that I can land that dream job by the end of my contract.

Health is important no matter what. I just have to keep working on it. If it means that I get that dream job by the end of my current contract, that is just the cherry on top of the icing. For certain, I cannot keep forsake steady income while chasing the dream for much longer.

Of course, I am grateful for other things in life. Just that, one's job is a huge chunk of one's life.

Have a blessed month of Rejab.

Work Work

2010-06-06T23:38:00.001+08:00

Starts work tomorrow. Prays that everything will go well. 6 months contract.

Options

2010-05-29T00:23:00.002+08:00

Options are good. It gives one a false impression that one has control over his life....at least to a certain extent.

I want to have a real taste of working in the animation industry. Nerve issues(the physical type) is still holding me back. Getting better but still not quite there yet. I am better to a point that I've slacked and not doing the recommended exercises. Its the final mile.

Getting too old to make a name in the industry and yet I still have trouble specializing since I love doing quite a range of stuffs.

I want to start a business, but so does everyone else. It seems that this is the only way to redeem myself after an treading on an unorthodox path. I am starting to feel okay at the idea that I only do design/animation for leisure. What matters most is that I find an outlet to contribute to my personal causes.

Malaysia's Les Copaque would be a no.1 choice but they only accept Malaysians... then again, I haven't really tried. I want to polish up my demoreel within these 6 months and give it a shot at sending out an application.

Option 1 is to take a another diploma with WDA subsidy.... work fully on my demoreel while getting paid some money.

Option 2 is to take up the job at CNB, the pay is not maximal as compared to what I can possibly get in my industry... but I am thankful nonetheless that I got it. 6 months temporary position. With the freedom redetermine my future after that.

Option 3 is to wait and take up a better paying job(pending results from interviews) that may take up my leisure time to do other things.

Its not really options since I'm almost certain that I'll take option 2 with the consideration of other things happening.

What's Next?

2010-03-23T11:35:00.010+08:00

Demoreel | Firdaus Ab Latif from Firdaus Ab Latif on Vimeo.

I thought it was over but I'll be returning to school to complete our FYP. I agree with the lecturers that it would be a waste to leave the animation hanging as it has a lot of potential. I'll continue working on it until I get a job. That sounds like a decent arrangement for now.

Results are out and my paltry GPA has been computed, a reflection of bad decisions I made when faced with adversity. I pulled out way too late. I am however, forever thankful for the moral support of friends who helped me stay in the course of getting my diploma. I had never expected it to have been this hard to get that diploma. The most important thing now is to remember the lessons I've learned from all this. Sadly, I still forget at times.

I'd like to start working immediately but job hunting will be a new chapter of new challenges for me.

I'm available for freelance work. Flash animation, graphic design, poster designs, 3d modeling. Check out www.feer.co.cc. I cannot update the website since the server is down for upgrade but it is still worth checking the site out.

WIP : Fan Art, Rukia, Bleach

2010-02-28T22:49:00.003+08:00

A work in progress of Kuchiki Rukia. Decided to do a digital piece with my left hand for the heck of it.... ended up switching to my right hand for about 50% of the line work. The coloring all done with left hand. Kudos to me. My left hand is becoming more adept in such task. Speed has gone up. Accuracy has gone up.

I am thankful for every limb that I have. Will continue working on this... some work on the upper torso, one eye looks slightly skewed. Add highlights and shadows and I should be done.

Ikigai

2010-02-03T22:06:00.003+08:00

Ikigai is a japanese term which means the reason of being. The reason to wake up in the morning for. That purpose that makes living to an old ripe age worth living.

I am in a dire need of redefining my own ikigai. Last Monday, I gave up hoping that I can work in the design/animation line full time in the near future.

Next week will be my final week in polytechnic. I am relieved for that. But that does not eliminate the fact that there are still things to be done in this short period of time. After that, I'll have a month to prepare for the students' graduation where we showcase our works for prospective employers. The fact that I have given up makes the whole thing seem mundane. I'll still put in some effort for I have hopes of doing this on a freelance basis for now.

This is not the kind of ending that I had hoped for. I had imagined the end as a huge relieve and ecstasy. I am sure it will a huge relieve, but there will be no celebration for job hunting began months ago for me. I tried applying for a teaching position in MOE and ICA. Went for both interviews, alas I will have to face more interviews before I clinch a job.

To quit hoping with slightly more than a month before the day.... well I can say that I gave it a good fight. There were countless times that I gave up the dream but came back hoping shortly after. Holding on the the dream has been taxing to me but I kept holding on for I have learnt in what seemed to me as my previous life. I had learnt in that life that, to lose hope of a dream is to be a walking dead. Lifeless.

Having said that, is this really giving up? No, it's not. It's definitely not losing hope of the rahmat of Allah. The struggles these past years may not have ended me with a dream job in the close future. But, it ended me with a diploma and 2 extra years worth of lesson in patience and perseverance. And for that hope of my dream job.... maybe it'll rise up from the ashes as a phoenix brighter than before.

Life is a journey, not a destination. I am exactly where I am supposed to be now. The following Bon Jovi song sums things up nicely.

Avatar

2009-12-21T23:07:00.009+08:00

I caught James Cameron's Avatar with Remy and Azmi last Sunday.

I probably first stumbled into the term avatar in the computer game series Ultima. Then there was Nickelodeon's anime series Avatar:The Last Airbender/The Legend of Aang which still ranks among the top in books, which is why I was quite irked that some other movie is using the name as its title.

Movies are created to bring you into that world for that short period of time. For some reason I was not able fully immerse myself into the movie... probably because I was still sour of the title of the movie and of course also because of that uncertain road for me in the not so distant future.

(warning spoilers ahead)...

I could feel for the excitement of the wheelchair-bound Jake Sully when he first got a feel of controlling his avatar. To walk again, to run again must certainly be someone wheelchair-bound.

I appreciate the crazy amount of work that must have been spent from the conceptualization stage down till compositing of the final product. Sound design wise, an untrained movie-goer may under-appreciate the importance it plays in the whole. The snarl of the na'vi and the other creatures in the movie

The background sky of the alien planet shows 2 moon which is overly cliche but effective in depicting an alien planet.

Humans needed a breathing device to survive on the planet... but I how on earth... i mean how on pandora was the main character able to light up a fire on that planet if oxygen was not present. Then I tried to rationalize that it's not because of the lack of oxygen.... but rather a presence of a lethal gas that suffocates the humans on that planet. Maybe a different sets of scientific laws are at work. That conveniently make sense of everything.

Should anyone think so hard when watching a movie. No! But why do I torture myself? Partly, it comes from having to be critical to the our own stories as animators. Also because I have a tendency to overcomplicate things.

Overall the movie was pretty awesome. I liked the epic battle part when the good guys were losing. I also like the part where one has to choose between what is just and siding to your own 'kind'. I would not know what I would do if I were put in such a situation.

1431H

2009-12-19T22:24:00.008+08:00

Salam maal hijrah!!

The twist and turn of life is a never-ending source of amusement. It's the new islamic new year and it's a good time for introspection. In conjunction with the spirit of the momentous hijrah 1431 years ago, let's get rid of the old and in with the new.

My resolve is to rescue rukia... no wait, that's ichigo's resolve. My resolve for this year is to wear my heart on my sleeves more often. I am substituting the overused word resolution to create emphasis and in my opinion, it has a ring of definiteness to it. I also resolve to take care of my health. According to Maslow, one of the criterias of self-actualization is appreciating emotion and react easily to emotions. I have to admit that this is not my strong suit, not that it is a secret since I walk around everywhere with a stoic disposition.

My long absence from blogging has primarily been because of me hiding my struggle with some aspects of my health and the need to keep this blog 'whine-free'. I shall share a little more on this in hope that it will be beneficial to others.

There were 2 shows that I watched this week that speaks of the matter of the heart.

Bleach episode 250

Ginrei Kuchiki: When one is granted great power, what is of the utmost importance in mastering it?"

Kouga Kuchicki: What is it?

Ginrei Kuchiki: Your heart. Those who have great power must know how to control their own power. And sometimes be controlled by that power. In order to truly create such a relationship, it is necessary to have a strong heart that keeps you from becoming overconfident. I am well aware of how great your power is, but you still lack the heart to fully master it.

Smallville Season 8 episode 4

Clark: I know she's not the one, but... it got me to thinking. Chloe showed me this love letter she wrote to me years ago, and... her feelings were really intense. And Chloe was right there in front of me, and I never realized how she felt. What if my soul mate comes along and I'm too blind to see it? 48F063E8.JPG

Lois: I don't know, Smallville(this refers to clark kent). I think... that when the right girl walks into your life... you'll know.

I leave you with ichigo's resolve....

2 Minggu Kian berlalu

2009-09-05T04:56:00.000+08:00

Hah

2009-06-26T00:57:00.001+08:00

Hah

Army Stories

2009-04-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

Earlier on when I was fetching my sister from school, I stumbled upon my old RSM back when I was with my army unit in national service. I called out his name from far. He acknowledged me with a sense of familiarity. We exchanged formalities and asked one another what we've been up to.

He seemed nice, unlike back then. I suppose one has to put on a 'role' when he is assigned to his task. Being the RSM is akin to being a discipline master of a school. We, the Regimental Police(RP), were akin to prefects that transforms to coolies when needed.

We chatted for a while, then he struck a pose. One which is deep in thought, almost epiphanic. Typical 'drama mama' of him. By the way, he's Indian.

He said, "I can foresee the future...." *LOL* Then he started out dishing out some fatherly advice about how in the future one needs to have at least a diploma. A diploma would only be enough for me to cover myself; would not be enough for family. After which, I would need to continuosly upgrade myself in that particular field.

Then comes the touching part. He opened up that life in the army is hard. Although he has 5 day work week now, he would need to work late nights. He has 4 small children to take care of. He went on to say that by right, he should have been a master warrant officer by now. I took glance on his ampulets, and true enough he was still a 1st Warrant Officer like he was 7 years back(man... how time flies). Hard work does not account to anything if you don't have the qualifications. All you need is the qualification, that's enough to justify a promotion. Pretty sincere sharing on his part. I felt his pain.

He went on to dish out things like I should not get married before I am stable and pointed out the broken marriages than happens when Malay couples get married way too young. He went on to say that I need to be Chinese minded.

I am reminded at how he used to scold the RPs. Our guardroom was 'kampung melayu'. The RPs were all Malays. Don't ask me why... more often than not, it's a common phenomena throughout most military camps in Singapore. We he gets angry with us among his favourite phrase was, "You know why many Malays are lazy?..... because you all eat too many belacan!!"

As Malays, we feel a little offended and hurt, especially when you are at '45-degree-to-the-left-position' when we are at the receiving end of his lecture. But we are quick to dismiss the validity of the argument. Our generation of Malays are not well acquainted with the belacan(prawn paste). We also agree that its just too funny to take it to heart.

That small exchange triggered many things:

1. My educational future
2. My financial future
3. My future ...
4. The fate of my Malay/Muslim community (who to champion the change)

He seemed delighted when I told him that I am pursuing my diploma... that's a start.

Unwell

2009-04-02T21:48:00.003+08:00

beautiful rendition of the song

Unwell

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

Happy Birthday Nadia!!

2009-03-31T23:20:00.008+08:00

Man has a tendency to focus on what he is deprived from. Be it health or wealth. Partly its built-in to man's survival mechanism. When we injure ourselves, we will feel the pain. Pain is a signal for us to attend to the problem.

Pain, or challenges in life, becomes a problem when we mull over it extensively and starts to engage in self-pity. Being overly optimistic probably can't all that good either if we end up in wishful thinking. So I remind myself not to end up in the either one of the extreme states.

Having said that, my week had been interesting. I was not feeling well for most of the week... always a good opportunity to just let go and reflect.

On a higher note, March and April and the birthday months for everyone in our house except me. 30th March was Nadia's.

I had a conversation with my other siblings, those 21 and above. We were thinking of the presents we had given to our little sisters for the past years. We agreed that the presents we gave were things that we would have wanted when we were smaller.... and we are guilty of playing with the stuffs we gave to our little sisters(buang gian).

I personally find nothing wrong with that as we will be genuinely happy for them!! At the same time, we can teach the value of sharing :p

In the end its not the present that matters, what matters is the time we spend with one another. If a present helps in that process... so be it. As the older one, I see the challenges that my siblings would have to face. My job is to remind them when it's due. I see myself when I was her age in Nadia... and I'll do my best to guide her.

So young yet so stressed out. Kids shouldn't grow up like that. But some of us do... and it's mainly from self-expectation, not from external factors. We want to be perfect. We are the naturally driven types... but we need to have a purpose. For the kid, it could be trying to be the perfect student, trying to be the pride of the parents. It becomes hard when we fail to master the basics of self-expression. When we fall, we fall hard. We might even get our very psychological concept of 'Self' torn apart. When that happens, it's a tough process to recover without the proper intervention.

So obvious... and yet

2009-03-28T01:52:00.002+08:00

Al-Baqarah : 208

Geng: Pengembaraan Bermula

2009-03-20T07:22:00.009+08:00

http://www.gengthemovie.com/

I went to catch my first movie ever on Malaysian soil last Tuesday. My eldest bro drove us to JB's City Square to catch Geng : Pengemberaan Bermula. I always use my little sisters Ainul and Nadia to justify the need to watch cartoons. Another excuse that I use is... "It's for research." And its true for both cases to some extend. I also watch them because its fun.

Dad decided to tag along also and hence the 5 of us made our way to JB for the 11.40 show. City Square is very Orchard Road. The movie theatre, being run by Cathay makes the experience no different than going to a local cinema. The only difference is that the people around us are mainly Malays and there's a proper mussolah just around the corner.

Yeah... and the ticket costs RM5 off-peak.

The show itself is pretty good. As expected, there were funny moments splattered throughout the movie. The script was good. It felt natural. It's nice to see an animation with a kampung setting. However, the show got a little mundane for me with too many chasing sequence. But the little twist in the storyline saved the movie in the end. Overall, like my brother said the movie was a little too fantasy for a Malaysian show. I agree but it's also a matter of what we are accustomed to and what we've come to expect.

It's a great movie for kids to enjoy but surprising a tad violent from what I expected from Upin and Ipin. Parents discretion is advised. For adults, it's a good to sit through for a good laugh. The movie lacked that strong emotional appeal which shows like Meet the Robinsons and Happy Feet are good at. A strong moral theme is also lacking. It feels more just like an adventurous ride. But still, an awesome experience. Spurred me to embark on my own personal animation project for this holiday.

Studio Project 4

2009-03-03T15:50:00.007+08:00

I am finally done with Studio Project 4. Here's what the team of 5 people came up with after 3 weeks hard work.

The 3 weeks brought back some of the competitive drive in me. Out of the 3 weeks, I had a 1 and a half day of TOS down time. I had a feel of a cooped up project setting. Just need to physically and mentally prepare myself for the 3 months of FYP next school year.

Alhamdulillah. I will be doing my modules first which means holidays first. I probably wouldn't be able to take it if I were to start my FYP only after a weekend of break.

Dreading the drawing module next semester. I may need to do what I did this semester again. Meticulously planning to skip certain classes to nurse myself back to health. I do this just so that I have better efficiency in the long run to complete the assignments on time. Explaining my real situation the the lecturers only when I have to. Swallowing pride by submitting only what I can.

The coming semester should be easier as there is only one 'killer' module. The other modules would probably be challenging in other ways but the drawing module would definitely be physically taxing for me.

TOS helped me narrow down things to specialize on. :) Drawing and pre-production designs are definitely out. I plan to enjoy my year ahead. Good work and putting my best equates self-satisfaction. I still doubt that I would be able to make this line a career but the experience from SP4 helped tipped the scale a little to the other side.

Man fear the unknown. I fear the future. But it is liberating to accept that some things are just beyond our control. Like what the our future holds for us. I don't mean we should not have goals and not work towards them. We just do what is humanly possibly within the syariah of Allah. Everything else is up to HIM to decide what's best for us.

Anyway, that's what makes life interesting. You wouldn't want your friends telling you the ending of a movie. You would prefer to sit through the movie yourself.

Halfway Through

2009-02-18T23:13:00.005+08:00

Halfway through Studio Project 4. Already on the animation stage of production. The past 1 and a half week has been intense. I learnt a lot.

"The best lessons are learning things you already know." That's what SP4 feels like to me. Reaffirming and applying things that I already know. Learning new things too at the same time; from one another and from our lecturers.

These TOS inflicted pair of hands in front of me are still able to play a role in a team. I can leave the the storyboard drawing and painting of the textures to those who can do it. Let me do what I can still do. Can't wait to see the finish product.

Still too early for celebrations....but I already some ideas in mind to mark the end of this semester. :)

Work in Progress : erson

Technology

2009-02-05T22:17:00.008+08:00

A couple days ago I stumbled upon an old secondary school friend. He was on his way to HDB office to pay for his motorcycle parking coupon. Being the self-proclaimed technology-savvy person that I am, I was only too happy to share with him how paying the parking through HDB's online portal made my life ~~lazier~~ easier. You don't need fancy credit cards. A debit card or a POSB GO! card can do the same job of online transactions without the burden of being in debt.

Speaking of my 'gonna expire next year' debit card, DBS is giving me a free SWATCH for being among the first 1,200 people to charge a certain amount to the card. Yay! About time too. My old watch strap have seen better days.

Busy weeks ahead.... Studio Project 4!! Having pretty positive vibe with the team that I am working with. TOS is still at the back of my mind but I am managing it pretty fine for now.

The clock started to tick again for after 2 long years.

I will be bashing technology in upcoming posts.

Religious Classes

2009-01-24T22:43:00.005+08:00

This blog is in dire need of neutral and positive entries lest it turns out to be one of those whiny blogs. Not to my taste.... but carry on if it works for you.

2009. This year marks the 5th year that I am taking the SPI class in PERGAS. It is also the 5th year of me undergoing the harfiyah class. I am still hoping that more people will show more interest and ask me what this harfiyah class is all about.

I'm getting a revitalized drive to attend the class. Nothing beats competition. A healthy competition is always good. 2 new guys of about my age joined the class recently. They have been following the same system not even a year now. But masyaAllah, the determination of especially one of them is tremendous. Very proactive guy who asks questions and the kind that even I benefit from. Alhamdulillah. Not that I don't ask question but I can learn from his go-getter kind of attitude. Verily Allah will let the effort of his creations go to waste.

PERGAS class is just as interesting. Our afternoon class which was the only class at wisma indah last year are told to join the morning session. This equates to more classmates and more social time. Usually we would spend most of our half hour break with Asar. Now we have a good half hour to socialize over coffee. Some of these new classmates are people whom I've crossed path with before and would want to get to know them better.

It feels quite different having many schoolmates and classmates again since we were the only class last year and one of two classes the year before. Though a small class has its benefits I'm sure there are benefits of its own in this bigger class.

I especially like our Ustaz for Hadith and Fiqh. Very engaging and interactive. The class is very responsive. Makes the learning experience fun and time simply flies by.

All these makes me see how the dynamics of a class depends on both the teacher and the students. As students, we should play our part to the fullest.

Inner Conflict

2009-01-16T01:26:00.009+08:00

At times I allow myself to feel this way....

IRIS
Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Orang yang berselimut

2009-01-11T21:39:00.004+08:00

Note to self: Some things needs to be left to the professionals.

I was feeling that the current set of exercises to relief my symptoms were not effective and had been trying some new exercises.... bad move.

After my pergas class, which was awesome (new year, new people), I started to feel feverish and shivering. I have been constantly feeling on the verge of fever the last couple of weeks. So I ended up spending my late afternoon in bed feverish and shivering.

That was the second time I shivered like crazy due to TOS. The first one was last year... that was even worse to a point that enough was enough.... I had to do an MRI.

I am feeling pretty alright now. I feel like something got washed out of my system with that bout of shivering. But still, I shall return to the old stretching exercises... maybe add new ones incrementally. Preferably with advise of a PT or an OT.

Shivering like that also reminded me of Surah al-Muzzamil(orang yang berselimut). This was of course a reference to Rasulullah who was shivering in fear after the voice of angel Jibril. That tafsir class (i think 2-3 years ago) really touched me. Especially since I was just starting to get acquainted with NYPMS. There are many lessons we can learn from the surah.... I shall just name one.

Its regarding the few people who wake up at night to pray and supplicate to Allah. Qiyamullail was made fardhu to Rasulullah and his companions for the first one year. This taught them discipline and resilience for the coming trials. We can learn from this in that we need to prepare ourselves and build up our resilience to challenges to come. I also learn that in this world, by Allah's will, there is a concept of cause and effect. Indeed if there isn't such a concept, man will be in a constant state of confusion not knowing what to make head of tails of things. If you want to achieve something, you will need to go through a certain process. Going through this process will require patience. And always remember that Allah is with those who are patient. Wallahu'alam.

Bracing for things to come

2009-01-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

I stumbled upon a support group forum for people with TOS. I really think that will help me through the tough weeks ahead.

All Over Again

2009-01-09T00:40:00.007+08:00

I am at the point of my semester when Thoracic Outlet Syndrome snuck up on me last year. Emo episodes aside, it was quite a leap to finally decide to continue with the same course. One of the things that drove me on was the fact that I believed that I can train up my left end to be better and depend on it to get me through the course. I aimed to be as proficient with my left hand as my right by the end of last year.

I kept on training my left hand even though there were signs that my left arm were not spared from the symptoms my right arm is faced with. I denied the pain existed, refused to admit there is a problem. It finally caught up with me. My left hand is roughly about 60% as adept as my right..... probably having the proportionate amount of pain as well now.

It feels like I'm going through the same thing last year all over again. I think I am better prepared this time round. This probably isn't as bad as it seems to me right now. I should not have lifted the benches and that severed buttress root at work. That is probably what's aggravating the pain that I'm having right now. I really need to understand my limits. That was last Saturday, the pain peaked last Monday. I'm taking this week cautiously. Gonna have to keep on with the stretching exercises as well.

The thought of finally finishing this semester always make me smile..... but there are still obstacles in the coming weeks. I don't mean to whine but I'm just not strong enough to keep everything in. I'm just letting a little bit out here. Pray for me that I'll get through the weeks ahead. Pray for Gaza as well.

It's not all bad though, in fact if I react appropriately, the whole experience should make me stronger. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.... cliche but true. But that.... you've got to experience yourself. A friend once told me that I need to make a decision a stick to it.... I'll try, for a lot is at stake.

At the very least, I can say that the whole experience managed to make me ambidextrous.... even if it means having to rest my arms for some time in between artworks. Shouldn't that make my art pieces more valuable??

Here's one I did totally with my left hand. Still can't don the fine line works with my left hand.... but I can rightfully claim to be ambidextrous can't I?

Peace

2009-01-04T20:09:00.002+08:00

I feel helpless thinking about the fate of Gaza.... The challenges that I face as an individual in Singapore pales in comparison with the people who have to live in constant fear.

All I can do is pray and strive to raise myself to a position where I can affect change.

Could it be...?

2009-01-03T21:16:00.005+08:00

Could it be .... the mark of the prophesied one? Just look at the mark.

The one who bears the mark is prophesied to pay overdue fine if he does not stop procrastinating sending his bike for vehicle inspection and renewing his insurance and road tax.

"Now, where did I keep my vehicle inspection notice.... Gosh! It's already happening!!" -MEREPEK!!- ... seriously, where is it??

Wisdom Bites

2008-12-25T02:31:00.012+08:00

Don't expect to get a different result by doing the same thing over and over again. Don't be like a housefly that keeps hitting against a clear glass. Get around the glass. Learn from your mistakes, and if necessary, get someone who has 'been there done that' to guide you along.

Problems cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness that created them ~ Einstein. Similarly an artist would need to step back from his canvas to ensure that he has the proportions correct. By detaching himself from the painting for a moment, he gets a better overview of his progress. See the big picture.

Share your knowledge. Unlike wealth that decreases through sharing, knowledge grows when you share. I share mine, you share yours. Everyone wins.

Each and every one of us sees the world with our own tinted glasses. There is perceived truth and absolute truth. Each of us have our own perceived sense of truth. Who dictates absolute truth? None other than Allah SWT. We are not left hanging to fight with one another over who is right. Allah shows the right path through the holy books and his Messengers.

Hence, you are doomed if you engage in a debate/discussion with the intention of proving that your point is right. One should engage in a debate/discussion only to find the truth, the absolute truth. Therefore, take off your tinted glasses, let go of your egos and hidden agendas. Instead put on the glasses of tasawwur islam.

--rants-- Unlike the snippet that have been appearing on Star World, where a lawyer is seen saying... truth is relative, choose one that works for you (or something along that line). Obviously a devious statement of a loyar buruk.

C.S.Igh

2008-12-13T22:38:00.004+08:00

Eid Adha

2008-12-12T00:33:00.005+08:00

This year my parents did the qurban and I was the one who did the actual slaughtering. My younger brother helped to hold down the 2 sheeps. Alhamdulillah, I got to experience that.

That made this year's Eid different and even more so, it made me reflect on the sacrifices that my parents have made for me and my siblings. It makes this Eid different. Instead of thinking how you can sacrifice for the sake of Islam, you can also appreciate how others have sacrificed for you.

"It is not their meat nor their blood that reaches Allah; it is your piety that reaches Him." (Surah Al Hajj : 37)

Yet another unposted post

2008-12-05T21:02:00.007+08:00

I decided not post yet another entry again. Looking back in my posts, there are 40 drafts left unposted since the beginning of this blog.

I really should make better use of my time. But I do enjoy writing even though they remain unposted. I would look up the dictionary online on the meaning of the words which are still vague to me. I would carefully craft my sentences making the words as clear or as vague as I want them to be.

Writing is an outlet when the words seem so hard to come out in real life. Sometimes, the thoughts have to go somewhere. Haven't done poetry for some time... that creative outlet has been expressed through school work, mostly.

Words... stringing them together got me the first place in a composition writing competition back in primary school. Stringing letters together got me the champion spot in a boggle competition back in secondary 3. One of it.

It's a painful irony how words eludes me when I try to speak them.

Pictures have just an interesting an effect on me. We've all heard the saying a picture is worth a thousand words... here's one.

Pain

2008-11-25T02:30:00.005+08:00

I ripped the following entry from Rilekwancorner. I'm sure he won't mind. Dapat free publicity lagi. It's a good reminder for me and everyone. It's an excerpt from 'La Tahzan'(Do not be Sad).

By Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni
Da`iyah and Scholar — Saudi Arabia

Pain is not always a negative force; it is not something that one should always hate. At times, a person may benefit from the feeling of pain.

One might remember that, at times of great pain, one sincerely supplicated and remembered Allah. When a student studies hard, he or she often feels the pangs of heavy burden — sometimes perhaps the burden of monotony. But this student will eventually finish this stage of life and perhaps become a scholar.

Aches, pangs of passion, poverty, scorn of others, frustration and anger at injustices, and other feelings cause poets to write flowing and captivating verses. This is because poets feel the pain in the heart, nerves, and blood. As a result, they become able to infuse the same emotions, through poems, into the hearts of others. Many are the painful experiences the best writers had undergone. Those experiences inspired brilliant works that many people today continue to enjoy and benefit from.

A person who grew up in a life of comfort and repose and who was not stung by hardships might be an unproductive, lazy, and lethargic individual. Likewise, the poets who knew no pain and who never tasted a bitter disappointment will invariably produce heaps upon heaps of cheap words. This is because their words pour forth from their tongues and not from their feelings or emotions. Although they may comprehend what they have written, their hearts and bodies do not feel the experience.

More worthy and relevant to the aforementioned examples are the lives of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). They lived during the period of revelation and took part in the most important religious revolution the humankind has ever seen. Indeed, they had greater faith, nobler hearts, sincerer tongues, and deeper knowledge than those who came after them.

They lived through pain and suffering, and both of these are necessary for great revolutions. They felt the pains of hunger, poverty, rejection, abuse, banishment from home and homeland, and abandonment of all pleasures. They boldly endured the pains of wounds and even torture and death. They were in truth chosen people — the elite of humankind. They were models of purity, nobleness, and sacrifice. A confirmation of this meaning is related in the Qur'an concerning the people of Madinah and those around them of the dwellers of the desert as follows:

[This is because there afflicts them neither thirst nor fatigue nor hunger in Allah's way, nor do they tread a path that enrages the unbelievers, nor do they gain from the enemy a gain but a good work is written down to them on account of it; surely Allah does not waste the reward of the doers of good.] (At-Tawbah 9:120)

There are many in the history who have produced their greatest works out of the pain and the suffering they experienced. An example is the Arab poet known as Al-Mutanabbi. When he was afflicted with a severe fever, he wrote some of his best poems. So, one should not become excessively anxious and fearful of any potential pain or suffering. It may well be that through pain and suffering one will become stronger and more creative. Furthermore, a person who lives with a burning, yet passionate, heart is purer and nobler than a person who lives with a cold heart and a shortsighted outlook. Almighty Allah says,

[But Allah did not like their going forth, so He withheld them, and it was said (to them), "Hold back with those who hold back."] (At-Tawbah 9:46)

As the verse tells, those who lagged behind and did not take part in the battle and go through the accompanying hardships were not loved by Almighty Allah.

The words of a passionate sermon can reach the innermost depth of the heart and penetrate the deepest part of the soul, because the one who gives such sermons has experienced pain and suffering.

I have read many books of poetry and others filled with sermons. Many of these were passionless and did not seem to shake a hair on the body of the reader. Perhaps that is because the poets or the orators did not truly feel what they expressed. Hence, their works were cold like blocks of ice.

If one wishes to affect others, whether with speech, poetry, or even actions, one must first feel the passion inside. One must be moved by the meanings of what he or she is trying to convey. Then, and only then, one will come to realize that he or she can have an impact on others.

Editor's note: It goes without saying that the Islamic Shari`ah urges Muslims not to expose themselves to any hardship or pain for no lofty purpose. However, when a Muslim inescapably faces such difficult moments for the sake of Allah, it is a different story. In such a case, he or she should make best use of this feeling of his or hers.This believer should turn the pain into a force of creativity, thoughtfulness and giving. He or she is to be sure that those who feel the greatest pain are usually the most tenderhearted.

* Excerpted with modifications from the author's book Do Not Be Sad.

Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni is a prominent Saudi scholar and da`iyah. He has his doctorate in Hadith. He has made many audio lectures and a number of TV programs about different Islamic and Da`wah-related topics.

Hanging

2008-11-23T02:36:00.002+08:00

Sketch of what I feel like these days.

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve INTJ Success

2008-11-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

1. Feed Your Strengths! Do things that allow your brilliant intuition and logical abilities to flourish. Explore the fascinating worlds of science, mathematics, law and medicine. Give your mind an outlet for its exceptional analytical abilities, and watch them grow.

2. Face Your Weaknesses! See your weaknesses for what they are, and seek to overcome them. Especially, strive to use your judgment against your internal ideas and intuitions, rather than as a means of disregarding other people's ideas.

3. Talk Through Your Thoughts. You need to step through your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise. If you don't have someone to discuss your ideas with, try expressing your ideas clearly in writing.

4. Take in Everything. Don't dismiss ideas prematurely because you don't respect the person generating the ideas, or because you think you already know it all. After all, everybody has something to offer, and nobody knows everything. Steven Covey says it so well when he says: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

5. When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.

6. Respect your Need for Intellectual Compatibility. Don't expect yourself to be a "touchy-feely" or "warm-fuzzy" person. Realize that your most ardent bonds with others will start with the head, rather than the heart. Be aware of other's emotional needs, and express your genuine love and respect for them in terms that are real to YOU. Be yourself.

7. Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has more control over your life than you have.

8. Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as you judge others.

9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side. Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes. Expect the best, and the best will come forward.

10. Don't Get Isolated! Recognize the value that the external world represents to you, and interact with it in the style that's natural to you. Join clubs and internet e-mail lists that house in-depth discussions of topics that you're interested in. Seek and foster friendships with others of like competence and capacity for understanding. Extravert in your own style.

Taken from personalitypage.com :

Pulau Ubin

2008-11-11T16:49:00.008+08:00

It's cool how my Photography module is forcing my out of home. And that's what I did last Sunday upon Hilwan's invitation to hang out at Pulau Ubin.

This week's assignment was to shoot 5 pics each of these 4 principals: Texture, 'Patterns and Rhythm', Layering and Visual Poetry.

Some tips to share with fellow adventure newbies:

1) Be prepared to get dirty (especially after it rained... muddy ground and puddles)
2) Water.. lots of water (but it will add on ur total weight, and the tap water in the toilet is not potable)
3) Shades and Caps can come in handy (for posing purposes too)
4) Time... be prepared to spend the whole day to maximise your bike rental's worth
5) Choose the right clique (same fitness level so that you will not drag others or get bored waiting for others to catch up; unless everyone is willing to work out on a compromise)

Why do we fall, Bruce? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

I only had 3 hours as I had to rush for school in the afternoon. I had wanted to reach the peak and get a nice view of the quarry but the diamond trail proved to be very challenging to me. My spine and arm was also starting to feel the brunt but it was mainly my stamina. It sucks how my lack of physical endurance gets in the way of living to the fullest. But it worked out well and I had enough time to change at home before heading to Sunday school. Hilwan and his bro, Syukri, was gung-ho enough to conquer the peak after I left.

It was a nice re-introduction to nature.

>> more pics here

MJ

2008-11-07T01:07:00.000+08:00

Cool!

Phone Blogging

2008-11-04T15:01:00.002+08:00

Technology can be wonderful and scary at the same time. I am blogging with my nokia e51. As it is, the phone is underutilised. Hence, me blogging with the phone is a first and painfully slower than a proper keyboard.

I just signed up for wireless sg. Right now i am at the library at sbg. School was 30min instead of 3hr today. Then i had craving for adam rd nasi lemak. Had lunch there and now i am waiting for work to start. I had wanted to get done with concept pitch but creative juices are not flowing.

Surfed my blog and found out i could save the images on my blog onto my phone. Cool. Probably half the internet and 3g world knows that already but its still cool to me.

Gaara

2008-11-04T00:07:00.002+08:00

An update of my Work In Progress. The pros can cook up something like this within the hour. I still need to learn the best workflow for these kind of works. Fun, love, passion... these are the ingredients I need to savour while working on my projects. An area I need to work, something to pay more attention to instead of worrying so much about deadlines.

It's like learning to ride a bicycle

2008-10-27T23:25:00.005+08:00

Siti Nurul Nadia

Ainul Sariyah with Bear Bear

A couple of months back, I was teaching Ainul how to ride a bicycle. What I witnessed was something short of a miracle. She was able to ride within minutes without training wheels albeit a little wobbly. She was able to master riding in a straight line by the end of that first session. Mastering to turn with the bicycle required her another session before she was comfortable in doing so.

I started to delve on why Ainul was able to learn how to ride so fast. I attribute why it was so to a couple of things. Firstly she's already in K2 when someone (me) finally bothered to teach her how to ride the bicycle. It's considerably older than other kids learning how to cycle out there. A more important factor is probably because she already understands the concept of balance. She's already a pro on her blue kick scooter prior to this. It's applying the same concept on a different tool.

At that point in time, I was just beginning to force myself to be proficient with my left hand. I was able to relate my situation to this incident.

"Maybe it won't take another 20 years to learn writing with my other hand."
"It's just switching tools, it's not like I have to re-learn the artistic skills. I just need to learn how to control it."

And I said thank you to Allah for that little motivation in my journey towards ambidexterity.

Another motivation came in a form of an obvious question by a colleague, "Kalau kau hari-hari draw, ko nyer drawing makin bagus. Betul eh?" He asked that question because he has a younger brother who became obsessed of drawing quite recently.

A part of me wanted to reply, "Isn't that obvious. Of course lar."
I managed to give a nice reply, "Betul ar."

Moments later I felt that question was directed more towards me. If I want to become better with my left hand I just need to practise continuosly.... obvious kan. My heart said my thanks again.

With these two micro-epiphanies, the choice was still left for me to make. Continue with the struggle or concede defeat to the challenge. If I choose the latter, I remind myself that I will be no better than the musyriks who turn their backs from the Truth even after witnessing it with their own eyes.

Once I mastered my left hand, it'll be like riding a bicycle. I won't forget how to do so. My journey continues.

My Office

2008-10-26T11:53:00.005+08:00

I took some photos for my Digital Photography assignment during my one hour break at work yesterday. Still have lots to learn.

I work here part-time... nice right??

New Semester

2008-10-24T19:41:00.004+08:00

2 weeks of second semester has passed by. How has school been for me? Apart from the modules that I am re-re-taking, I am taking a module which is new to me. I pleaded my course coordinator to let me take Digital Photography. I'm glad I did it. It's definitely a break from my monotonous existence. A breath of fresh air. Learning is easier when it's fun. I bought a DSLR camera for the course and also partly for NYPMS Network Jalan Rayer. Bought a second hand one. I still don't know how serious a photographer I will be, a second hand entry level one should do just fine for now. The best part is that taking photos does not affect my hand like drawing does.

I started the semester with my right arm still very susceptible to pain and my left arm as back-up. My right arm will still go weak and pain will run up to my shoulders and back after extended use. My left arm is still unable write and draw at the level that I need for my course.

Drawing class is the one that I dreaded the most but so far it has been pretty okay. I am able to zone out from the pain when I need to for the class. It's a different story later on in the day... but i have learnt that complaining is not going to anyone any good. All I can do is suck thumb...nah...physio exercises does help reduce the pain.... but I will have days when I just get bored of it and forego. Lepas tu tanggung ar sendiri.

At times the pain will be bad enough to distract me and I will start feeling like a druggie who can't wait for the next fix. Panadol Extra would seem heavenly at that point in time but so far I have still yet to resort to painkillers. I also considered muscle relaxants.

The heaviest part to everything would have to be my mental stamina. I do zone out and start wondering why am I still doing this? I try to distract myself in my own head when I need to... it gets boring learning the same thing. I will start thinking of anything and everything... I would start thinking and am still thinking ... "Man, I should really celebrate in a big way when I get this semester over and done with!!" It should be something special... something special enough that will motivate me to go through another 16 weeks. I am open to suggestions.

Ni semua Gaara Gaara kau ar ni

2008-10-08T10:51:00.003+08:00

I am having a blast with Corel Painter!!! Currently working on this Gaara character from the Naruto anime series. I'm doing this for a friend. If time permits I will re-do mainly the lower part. I am not happy with the proportion.

I should have known by now not to start with the line work until the proportions are good. I should have stepped away from the art work and come back later to it with a fresh perspective.

The choice between the two

2008-10-07T23:15:00.013+08:00

~ taking a break from digital painting and listening to Collide

Got my timetable yesterday. I will finally return to school next week on 14 Oct. Growing accustomed to the pain on my right hand. As of this instance, the shoulder hurts the most. There's pain in the right side of the neck. There's some irritation along the ulnar nerve to the tip of my 4th finger and my middle finger. This is a little strange cos its usually the 4th and the pinkie.

Should I worry that school is less than a week now and the pain still persists? I admit that it is not the easiest decision to make. To finish up and get that diploma considering the circumstances that I am in. With other responsibilities taken into consideration, quitting and getting a job instead seemed like a tempting option. Though the choice that I choose still seems daunting, I brush the feeling of doubt aside and replace it with faith...

The faith in the answer to my istikharah. This time round I got my answer in the form of a dream. I dreamt that I was back in school in the new semester. I never got my istikharah answer through a dream before. Not that I've performed many istikharahs prior to this. In fact it was only one other time. It was also for a choice that involved my education.

Allah has taught us ways to seek help but man (referring to myself especially) are sometimes too stubborn to humble themselves and ask help from Allah. "You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything)." (Al-Fatiha : 5)

Jangan segan-silu, jangan ego-ego.Let us seek help from Him when we need to. Takkan nak cari jodoh baru nak istikarah. I admit that's a valid area of concern but there are other important choices that we need to make along the way in life.

~ now back to work

Happy Hari Raya

2008-10-02T23:09:00.008+08:00

I am obliged to have at least one entry about Hari Raya... so here it goes.

This year the guys in the family, along with grandmother prayed the eid prayers at Masjid Ahmad Ibrahim. The mosque looks different now after the renovation. The last time I stepped foot there was during one of NYPMS/NI visiting.

Just wanna point out that sometimes, when we say a phrase too often, we lose its meaning. Let's take "Selamat Hari Raya" for instance. Isn't it a little queer to wish everyone "Safe Celebration Day". I suppose it is a reflection of our collective Malay mindset. The 'better be safe' and 'let's wait and see' attitude. The use "Selamat" is seen in other greetings like to newly-wed couples and for birthdays. (In a Singapore's Most Wanted Man poster as well.)

Eid Mubarak has a more god-conscious feel to it. There is that concept of barakah in that greeting. Therefore I challenge myself and others to make people think by greeting in a slightly different way. Try going for 'Happy Hari Raya' or 'Selamat menyambut kembalinya fitrah'. The latter would definitely make one reflect if they deserve to be celebrating in the first place.

I end this by saying, "Have a joyous Eid. Let's bask in victory of this joyous occation. I seek forgiveness to everyone for the bad deeds that I have done against you."

"Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir dan Batin." Dangs... it's hard to beat the classic. *hypocrite* I just demonstrated the nature of change... it's so bloody difficult. It takes a constant conscious effort.

Last Days

2008-09-28T05:47:00.003+08:00

Its the last days of Ramadhan and Tuesday will be my last day as a temp staff in Botanic Gardens. It's easily the best stint I've ever had. I am offered to continue on as a student helper there with much better pay. Alhamdulillah. I will working on most Saturdays at the Children's Garden.

Kinda rusty at blogging... I'm sure I'll get back in writing long entries in due time.

Work In Progress

2008-09-23T00:36:00.004+08:00

I am working on this right now. Hoping to tweak my blog design and incorporate this character in it before the start of a new semester. Just my way of saying, I'm ready for school. It's been quite a ride since my deferment last year.

It's the final stretch of Ramadhan and I wish everyone a very fulfilling Ramadhan.... whatever left of it.

/- -- : | \ | --

2008-08-21T16:20:00.004+08:00

A caucasian couple hanging around a distance from my information counter. The wife approached me to ask for direction to the nearest bus-stop. She can barely speak english and probably was still in doubt of the directions that I gave. She walked back to the husband probably relaying she was not sure of what I told her. Guess what the husband did from a distance.... he got very animated with his hands. He started to make signals which I believe to be some military hand signals. I just nodded to his hand signals to re-affirm that was indeed the direction they should take. It's not the same in words...you need to see his gestures and facial expressions to experience that comical moment.

X

2008-08-15T00:45:00.010+08:00

X2
hmm... macam salah tempat

and yours truly.....

Moral of the story.... 1st place is not always the best. LOL. We should be thankful of what we have. This materialistic world is just temporary.

Dah hampir 4 tahun kau berbakti untuk aku. Sekarang ni pun... ko tengah buat hal. Terkopeklah aku lagi. Aku tak pernah bawak kau gi JB untuk repair. Skrg dah buruk sikit... agak2 rasa lebih selamat bawak kau gi sana.

I'll let you ponder

2008-08-07T20:55:00.004+08:00

Singapore Garden Festival

2008-08-02T00:41:00.009+08:00

8 days of suntec convention is over. I was fortunate enough to be part of the Singapore Garden Festival. These pictures that I took does no justice of how beautiful the exhibits were. I was mainly helping out in the stage area but was also doing ad-hoc stuffs like design and printing posters.

I got a free family pass and gave it to my siblings. They went on thursday.... when I was not on duty. I did not really get to enjoy the exhibits like I wanted to but... at least I got to get some shots for keepsake.

It was a cool experience and I kinda get to have a rough idea on how some aspects of a major event such as this runs. I will finally get some rest and on Monday.... mundane work will resume.

I love the whole world

2008-07-22T23:18:00.006+08:00

For some reason, I was grinning from ear to ear when I first saw this clip on Discovery Channel. It gives me a fuzzy kind of feeling and also of hope... and almost too naive. I'm quite a fan of the channel.

Now everybody go... Boom De Ah Dah! Boom De Ah Dah!

Friday the 13

2008-07-15T22:20:00.005+08:00

13 Rejab 1402H, when Muslims were performing Friday prayers, I came into existence. It's now 13 Rejab 1429H. By calculation of the Hijri calendar, that makes me 27.

The Ring

2008-07-09T22:59:00.002+08:00

The Ring

I got a missed call today. I didn't pick it up as I was riding. The number was strange but I quickly dismissed the call as a ricochet call from some foreign country.

*****

I got home to find out that my house got the same call from that same number. Nobody answered the call for safety sake. There was a report in Berita Harian of people dying in Indonesia after receiving a mysterious phone call or SMS. It was warning people not to answer calls that has strange prefixes. I have my suspicions to the credibility of the report but it's something I would not entirely dismiss either. Perhaps black magic decided to keep up with times and got an upgrade.

I needed to get the bottom of this and started to browse the web if any of these is true. Some indonesian sites has this to say:

Ketua Majelis Ulama Indonesia (MUI) Sumut Prof DR H Abdullah Syah, MA mengimbau masyarakat tidak mempercayai rumor yang "berbau" syirik tersebut. Menurut dia, rumor tersebut sangat meresahkan dan tidak perlu dipercaya karena dapat merusak akidah (keyakinan) beragama. "Hidup dan mati manusia telah ditentukan Tuhan dan bukan disebabkan karena menerima telepon atau SMS," katanya.

I conclude that the Berita Harian report is very likely a rumour gone wild. If you think about it, it's from a plot of the movies.

Then I decided to google the number : 000190853203. It seems that people have been getting these calls for some time. You can check out the link but in short, its a scam.

The Ring 2

Another incident with phones happened about 2 months back. I was calling a friend over my phone. Out of nowhere, I heard a lady's voice. My friend was no longer on the other side. The lady was saying, "Ouh... sorry". Then she hung up.

I called my friend again. He told me that he got cut off as well and found himself talking to some guy. The incident got me thinking,

"was it just an honest mistake of an operator?"
"do we even need operators for our local calls?"
"who was really on the other side, who seemed to realise she made a mistake?"
"are my calls being tracked?"

Technology made life easy for man. But it also empowers the people who has control of that technology.... and what if that technology falls into the wrong hands and we get exploited.

Am I just being paranoid or is there a genuine need to ensure that technology doesn't fall in the wrong hands. I shall elaborate in later posts.

Lunch Picnics in a Park

2008-07-07T23:00:00.004+08:00

Sekian lama sudah ku tak memblog. Bukan takde cerita, macam2 cerita.

It's not that I don't want to blog in Malay, but I suppose I want to cater to a wider audience. I shall be blogging in Malay in some of my future posts. Furthermore its Bulan Bahasa.

Apart from an introspective marathon, I went to Terengganu for holiday last month. Went with the whole family as well as my big bro's new family. It was fun on the whole. Learned some things about myself. The only downside of the trip was hurting my little finger(pinkie). That re-triggered a whole new episode to my right arm saga.

And the the final part of the trilogy will continue in the middle of October. I don't know what the outcome will be like. Contemplating too much on it only drains me out. Some things are merely out of our control. As what my secondary Maths teacher would say, "We'll cross the river when we reach the bridge." My Maths teacher loved to quote chinese proverbs. I hope I'm not butchering the language. (eh Fir, engkau bulan bahasa.... bahasa aper?) In principle, that's not how I go about life. I am very much quite the opposite. A tad too much perhaps. Another lesson for me to learn. Don't dwell too much on the future which is never certain.

The cycle of life :-
1) Hope/Vision
2) Effort and sprinke it with doa (without effort, you've fallen into ghurur)
3) Tawakal
4) Syukur if your prayers is answered, redha if u don't get it (but ur effort is never a waste)
5) Repeat step 1

Hope and expectations. That's the ingredient to living. I used to tell myself not to have too high an expectation in life. I learned that lesson cos I got disappointed when my expectations did not materialize. So, I went on life trying not to expect too much from anybody or anything. But, that was my major mistake. Without expectations, my soul died. Without expectations, one becomes a living dead.

I am focusing more on my now. I am currently working as a temp staff at Singapore Botanic Gardens, at times having lunches in the park. It's been great so far. Once in a while, I will imagine what's waiting for me on the other side of the bridge. One thing will be certain though, I will only know for sure when I reach the bridge, and cross it.

Getting on My Nerves

2008-06-25T23:56:00.000+08:00

I posted this a while back and removed the entry hours later... Posting it back again.

I have been watching a tad too much of Bleach as a form of escapism. I can say that I am merely doing research... keeping up with current issues as a prospective animator, but i know better when I have transgressed.

I no longer have to go for physiotherapy, :) , but I still have to carry on with the prescribed exercises for another 4-6 months. I did my physiotherapy in NYP. Physiotherapy is cool. The physiotherapists were professional. I am pretty amazed by the science of the treatment. I am amused by the various methods of detecting the affected nerves. Furthermore it's something that benefits humankind.

On my first visit, I was pointed out that my right deltoid was visibly smaller than my left. 'Wasted' deltoid. That was the term they used. This was odd since I am right handed. One would expect my right deltoid was bigger, if not balanced. I was quite taken aback that I did not realise that fact. At the same time I was 'glad' that I could see that I was not making the pain up. 'Glad' that it was not something psychosomatic. A visible sign of the condition that I was going through.

The exercises have done me good. Tingling sensation and numbness is hardly an issue for me nowadays. I still need to deal with the weakness issue though. Imagine doing push-ups to your maximum limit... that kind of weakness. I would say my condition is 3 times better now. What better way to test my condition than to take on an animation project. My hands have been itching to get to work anyway. I still have bad days(especially cold mornings) and my right deltoid still needs to grow. But overall, I am thankful that I am healing. Prays that I'll be set when its time to return to school.

Alhamdulillah, I am thankful of what I have. Life is a continuous process of being and growing. One should not be too obsessed of being in control of the future for the future is never certain. This should never make one stop striving for a better future, but rather, it should make one be content that he keeps striving while letting the end result be the realm of Allah, as it has always been.

---------------------------------

On a different note, looking forward to http://www.sgtoyandcomiccon.com over this weekend.

Mother's Day @ En-Naeem

2008-05-18T07:34:00.009+08:00

Last Saturday, I rushed from NYP to make myself present for this mother's day event. It was a lunch/charity/mother's day event. Mothers were presented with a rose upon entry. The whole family was there including our maternal grandmother and sis-in-law. Dad decided to attend and bought his ticket on the day itself, and ended up sitting at a table with the star-performer for the day, Didicazli.

But we were there to see our smallest one perform. Our littlest sister was performing a skit, together with some of her kindergarten2 classmates. She played the part of Alqamah's mother. Her teacher was saying how great she was at the role to mum prior to the performance, we had to see it ourselves.

I felt little sis could have done better with her facial expressions but she was able to deliver her lines well. She took her role seriously unlike some of her classmates... but of course, that is to be expected of most kids their age.

Once, while lying down in bed at home, she lamented that she preferred the role of Alqamah cause she would only need to lie down ~ then she pretended to have fits and pretended to die. LOL!

Other than the skit, there were performances in the form of nasyid and poetry by other students. I know nuts about the local malay music but the performance by Didicazli was pretty alright. However, in my opinion, the muazzin of En-Naeem Mosque sounded so much better. I was somewhat mesmerized. There was also a mini forum session towards the end.

We even got to bring back lucky draw prizes. Big bro and Dad were the lucky ones. The whole event has a warm feeling to it. It was a nice day out to celebrate the 2 mothers in our family.

Haggle

2008-05-03T02:53:00.002+08:00

Went to Sim Lim Square to get power supply for my computer and also some CD-Rs. I've been wanting to check out the prices of video cameras and decided to do so during this trip to Sim Lim Square. Checking out = Don't wanna buy yet

The first few shops I passed by sells video cameras. And so, I began asking how much the professional video cameras were. I ended up saying that I was looking for something in the thousand plus range. The salesman recommended a HD DV cam. He was saying that the DV cam was superior over the pro cameras since it uses it hard disk instead of tapes. When I asked how much it was, he took out a calculator and typed out 1250.

"What's the deal with salesman and calculators?... just say out the price lar."

He was keen to demonstrate the functions and I played along.

Talking. Demonstrating. Talking. Comparing with other models. Talking.

"I give you special price," he said. Took the calculator and entered 1100.

Talking. Demonstrating. Talking. Browse magazine. Talking.

"I give you complete set," With lens and tripod. I began to get tempted... alas, i was just checking out the prices. So I told him that I'll think about it. All these while, I wasn't the one haggling. He was the one who slashed the price. I was merely playing the hesitant buyer.

As I went out of the shop, he said 900. By this time, I was wondering to myself. "This guy is either too desperate or he marked up the price so high that he's able to slash the price by $350 and add stuffs to it."

It's probably a bit of both. I am not the type who would ask for a discount except for certain known places where you are an idiot if you don't do this haggling routine.

It's a common marketing ploy to mark up your prices and set the minimum that you are willing to sell. Of course, still at a profit. I suppose some people enjoy playing the haggling game. I personally find it a tad of an annoyance.

And what's with the calculator?? It's probably yet another ploy so that the haggling game remains between one prospective buyer and the salesman..... therefore not influencing another prospective buyer.

This incident proofs to me that perhaps, haggling is something that I have to engage in(like it or not)..... not because I am crazy for a bargain, but because I wanna get a reasonable deal and not be at the losing end.

I went on to get my power supply and CD-Rs. Before making the payment, with the incident still fresh in my mind... I said, "Can discount?"

I got a $5 discount. I could have pushed my luck and asked for more discount.... but haggling is not my thing.

Sooner or Later

2008-05-01T23:56:00.003+08:00

A secondary school teacher of mine,Mr MacDonald, tried to proof to us that it doesn't take long to write a journal entry. One of things I had to do for class. Basically he played Eric Clapton's Tear's a Heaven. A song he wrote about how his toddler fell down to his death from his apartment. So, we basically go on writing in our journal whatever was flowing in our mind be it in response to the song or not.

This is to the tune of Breaking Benjamin's Sooner or Later

I feeling kinda tired of my own blog. Mainly because it seems to speak a lot of negativity of late. I don't like it that way. Many times, I tried blogging something but got tired to continue and ended up abandoning the idea. Hence the idea of just filling up the blank of this page by the method that I remembered from secondary school.

Probably not going to make much sense reading this randomness. Sooner or later is the title of this song. Speaks a lot about life I suppose. Something happens sooner or later. Later seems more likely for me regarding certain things. Yar... all 3.38min is up.

Speed Painting

2008-04-25T17:04:00.007+08:00

I have been spending time watching speed painting videos on youtube. Sparked a renewed interest in photoshop. My first attempt to a semi-realistic digital painting. I mean, the first attempt whereby I somewhat completed. It can probably use some touching up. After some touching up, it'll be portfolio worthy.

The hand situation looks good for now though I don't know what's the implication of my wasted right deltoid. 4 more days till medical review.

biasa jer

2008-04-20T22:10:00.003+08:00

This blog namesake of an entry is just to state the situation that I am in right now. For eventually, others will find out. 'Biasa jer' itself is somewhat a denial of my current state. It's less of denying my current state but more of 'let's not make a big deal out of it'.

It's no surprise to find out that, not all is well in Firdaus Land if you were able to read in between the lines of my previous entries since last December. What am I talking about?

In the middle of last semester, I found myself unable to do my assignments due to an intense numbing pain on my right hand. Visits to doctors and an EMG later, I found out that the numbness originated from my spine. I was also told to do an MRI just to be sure.

For an animator/designer in training, the prospect seems scary and inspired entries such as this and this. Of course I have to continuously strive to be positive about it like the times such as this and this.

Apart from dealing with the pain, I had to think about my education and my future. I got myself deferred in last semester. I also managed to get an extension to my deferment this semester. Alhamdulillah. This will at least give me time to make a well thought out decision of my future.

Mentally stronger in dealing with the pain. Even the pain is not as bad. I'll have a week more before I get to hear what the doctor has to say. Physiotherapy session at NYP later today.

Such is my unorthodox existence and I shall carry on living it.

$100 lesson on that intangible feeling

2008-04-06T23:09:00.010+08:00

This happened on 28 March 2008.

The story
It began with me waking up with a lingering memory of a dream(the nocturnal, when you got to sleep, REM type) I just had.

In this dream, I was a soldier. I remember vividly attaching a bayonet to my M-16 rifle. The atmosphere was dark and damp. All hell breaks loose kind of situation. I was snooping around and fired my rounds at 3 soldiers. I killed them. They were from my own platoon. But deep inside, I knew they were actually traitors. However, I knew that my superiors and other platoon mates would not believe me if I told them. So, I took matters at my own hands and went rifle frenzy. I riddled my rounds especially on one particular soldier.

After doing so, I felt that I was doomed. I tried to find a way out. I knew I had to return my arms(rifle and ammunition) eventually. I would be questionable of my missing rounds. They would eventually find out that it was my doing; killing those 3 soldiers. After pondering for some time, I felt it was best that I surrendered and serve 2 or 3 years jail time(What!!! 2-3 years for murder!!... it was a dream... remember, doesn't have to make much sense).

That was the dream that I had. I remembered something regarding dreams from Ustaz Iqbal's short sermons. Tafsir on surah Yusuf; still ongoing on Fridays nights after Maghrib(technically Saturday... you know what I mean). He was telling the jemaah(boleh kira dua tangan), a story which reflects Rasulullah's stance on nightmares.

I am going to simplify the story... A woman came to Rasulullah and told him of a dream she had of her husband. She asked Rasulullah what the dream meant. Rasulullah knew it was a bad sign but told the woman that her husband was safe(the husband was musafir at that point). The woman had the dreams over and over again. Every time, she would worry and seek Rasulullah's opinion to the meaning of the dream. Everytime, Rasulullah would reassure her that it was a good sign and her husband was safe. One day, Rasulullah was not home and the woman was again, seeking reassurance of the dream she had. Instead, it was Rasulullah's wife, Aisyah, who attended to the woman. She told her that the dream was a bad sign. The woman was devastated. Soon after, the woman received news that her husband had passed away. [correct me of the details if I'm wrong].

Back to my story, the lesson from this story is that we should not interpret a nightmare lest it will come true.

Apparently knowing is one thing, doing is another. I tried not to interpret the dream. It didn't take me long before I interpret the dream as "I'm going to do something I'll regret." I tried to ignore the feeling and got on with the day.

Soon it was time to send my 6 year-old sister to school on my motorcycle. I had a brief strange feeling but nothing more.

I went home, did some things and it was time to fetch my sister. Going down the stairs to my motorcycle, the sensation that I had earlier in the day grew tremendously. I was starting to feel very uneasy. I was feeling that it was better for me to take the bus instead, but i couldn't as I was running late and I needed to fetch my sister. When I started my motorcycle, I thought to myself, "Maybe, I'll take the bus home with my sister when I get there."

Throughout the journey, I felt uneasy. Reached the mosque(kindergarten in the mosque) to fetch my sister and carried on with my journey. With my sister as the pillion, all I could do was to recite verses. I still felt very uneasy. All these while, I was trying to rationalize the feeling away. I was telling myself that I was just being paranoid.

Strangely, at the same time, I wanted something to happen. I wanted to believe that something will happen. That's why, for the most part, I did not react to the feeling. I wanted to see if something really happens.

I was at the last turn towards home, feeling somewhat disappointed that nothing had happened. And then, there it was. Upon turning, 3 traffic police officers were just there standing around with their ever-so-cool motorbikes. I was flagged to stop... and I did. It not so much the feeling of regret that I had, but I was more at awe at the fact that something actually happened.

Carrying a pillion under the age of 10 is a traffic offence. The first thing I asked was, "Will my license be revoked or something?" Alhamdulillah, I was told that it won't. I was asked to take out my driving(riding) license and IC. The officer had a good look at me. He asked how old my sister was. It took some processing time. I glanced around to fully realize there were 3 of them. The 3 soldiers in the dream. 3 officers = 3 soldiers. That one soldier who got extra bullets from me was the officer who stopped me. In the end, I was slapped with a $100 fine. No demerit points.

He was very professional at doing at what he does. Courteous throughout. I would have gone out of my way to write a letter of commendation...... if he had not booked me.

Not the best of times for me to get fined. Heck, it's never good to get fined.

Some things lost(money), but some things gained(lessons). More than ever, I believe. I believe in that intangible feeling(tahap ainul yaqin kot). There are valuable lessons to learn here. I will pay more attention to these feelings in the future.

From that day on, I've been sending and fetching my sister the old way. With my bike, the type which you need to paddle. It's a good change. Though I have to painfully cycle to and fro, it's actually nothing new to me. I've done that with my other younger siblings, all 3 of them. Fetching and sending them to school with my bicycle.

I'll share more about that intangible feeling and the lessons learnt in future posts. For now, I'll sign off with a disclaimer:

Just know that I felt very safe to pillion my sister on my motorcycle. I took time, cost of travel and pain as a deciding factor. Anyway, it was just 5 minutes of travel on my bike to her school. Taking the bus would cost more and takes more time. Cycling also takes more time and I perceived a lot of pain because of the condition that I am in right now. It turns out that its not so bad if I position my body the right way while cycling.

Cyborg

2008-04-03T23:49:00.002+08:00

Cyborg: "My body may have its limitations, but when I put my mind to it, there's nothing I can't do." (Only Human : Season 2 episode 4)

Little Red Riding Hood

2008-03-31T21:46:00.003+08:00

Outlandish - Look Into My Eyes

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
You don't see a damn thing
'cause you can't relate to me
You're blinded by our differences
My life makes no sense to you
I'm the persecuted one
You're the red, white and blue

Each day you wake in tranquility
No fears to cross your eyes
Each day I wake in gratitude
Thanking God He let me rise
You worry about your education
And the bills you have to pay
I worry about my vulnerable life
And if I'll survive another day
Your biggest fear is getting a ticket
As you cruise your Cadillac
My fear is that the tank that has just left
Will turn around and come back

Yet, do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Someone tell me ...

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight
I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters

See I've known terror for quite some time
57 years so cruel
Terror breathes the air I breathe
It's the checkpoint on my way to school
Terror is the robbery of my land
And the torture of my mother
The imprisonment of my innocent father
The bullet in my baby brother
The bulldozers and the tanks
The gases and the guns
The bombs that fall outside my door
All due to your funds
You blame me for defending myself
Against the ways of my enemies
I'm terrorized in my own land (what)
And I'm the terrorist?

Yet, do you know the truth of where your money goes?
Do you let the media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth nobody, nobody, nobody knows?
Someone tell me ...

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight, I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,

American , do you realize that the taxes that you pay
Feed the forces that traumatize my every living day
So if I won't be here tomorrow
It's written in my fate
May the future bring a brighter day
The end of our wait

Ooohh, let's not cry tonight, I promise you one day it's through
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,
Ooohh, shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers, Ohh my sisters,

Ohh let's not cry tonight I promise you one day is through
Ohh my brothers! Ohh my sisters!
Ooh shine a light for every soul that ain't with us no more
Ohh my brothers! Ohh my sisters!

Something more worthy from Denmark than all the other hoo-has.

Talking to myself

2008-03-30T20:56:00.004+08:00

After a long day, sitting in front of the computer and my arm is feeling tired, I caught myself talking to myself.

Pessimist me: I wonder why I force myself sometimes?
Optimist me: Cos you don't want to wallow in self pity.
Me: Haha, I'm talking to myself again. (Chuckles to self)

And I went on to blog about this.

Good Morning!

2008-03-26T08:45:00.003+08:00

Let's be thankful with the gift of life. Start every new day by praising Allah. Aim to make today better than yesterday. Plan out your day properly for time is precious. Understand your purpose of existence, which is to worship Allah. Materialize your positive thoughts into positive actions.

Snake and Ladder

2008-03-26T01:14:00.004+08:00

We all probably have played the game snake and ladder at one point of our life. A game of luck... but nonetheless fun. The anticipation of getting to the goal which is determined by the roll of the die.

The pain whenever we land on a mouth of the snake. It especially heart wrenching when you are a couple of steps from the goal, and you get knocked off back to the starting position.

Turn off the lights

2008-03-24T20:27:00.002+08:00

It's amazing when things can happen in a global scale, especially if it's for a good cause. Not quite enough to tackle the world's problem. However, we can let them inspire us to do more.

Holding On

2008-03-20T01:09:00.003+08:00

When the world seems to crumble all around you.
When all your hopes and dreams seems like a distant memory.
All you can do is to keep on living.
Build yourself up for that perfect moment.
And perhaps tomorrow, you can hope and dream again.

Rabi'ul Awal

2008-03-11T15:33:00.005+08:00

When you don't feel like blogging about your life, you can always embed a video into your blog.

Rasulullah SAW is our role model. Let's make an effort to get to know him better.

Alhamdulillah

2008-02-28T12:27:00.004+08:00

My grandmother was discharged from the hospital last Monday and is now on a 31 day medical leave... not that she needs it.

The doctors insisted that CABG(bypass) was a better option than PCI(the balloon procedure) for her condition was pretty advanced. She initially agreed to the bypass and even signed the papers for the procedure. I suppose the memory of seeing her late friend going through the pain of the bypass was too much for her. She said she wanted to be able to stand up to pray, fearing that by taking the vein from her leg would affect this. She insisted on doing the balloon procedure.

Doctors after doctors tried convincing her otherwise. The procedure was done last Friday and the doctors were pleasantly surprised that one of the arteries which was completely blocked was easily unclogged. The one that was 90% block had stents in place.

Now comes the hard part of letting her have complete rest. The 'leader' of a group of elderly women who frequents to Larkin and other parts of Malaysia will just have to rest for now.

I know waiting is sometimes the hardest part. It's just a part of life.

Building Resilient Muslim Youth

2008-02-19T20:56:00.004+08:00

I spent the last weekend at NACLI. Nice facilities with good food. Too bad it's only one night. It was a great reminder for myself as a khalifah on this earth. I went with the intention to learn and be inspired. I believe I did.

PCI on LAD and RCA

2008-02-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

My 72 year-old maternal grandmother was admitted to SGH last Thursday. She suffers from angina and has been on medication for years. Upon probing the doctors found 2 out 3 of her coronary arteries are completely blocked with the other one 90% blocked.

She refused to be probed but relented when a fellow patient said that the probing would not hurt. The doctor recommends coronary artery bypass graft(CABG) and percutaneous coronary intervention(PCI) as the second option. It took another period of coaxing to convince her to sign the papers to allow the procedure.

She would not relent to the coaxing of her son and daughters. Alhamdulillah she relented after one of her niece coaxed her. Mum says that by not relenting to her son and daughters was her way of showing that she's manja towards them. The way I see it, she's just putting on a silent tantrum to mask the fear of uncertainty and calling out for more attention from her loved ones. Just like when a child throws a tantrum, she just wants more attention.

She's opting for the PCI procedure which is not surgical. The doctor will insert stents to widen the passage of the arteries. The stents will be locked in place by inflating a balloon like apparatus. This will be done by inserting the apparatus with a wire from either an artery from the leg or the hand. This will be done on her left anterior descending(LAD) and right coronary artery(RCA).

I did some reading up and feel cautiously optimistic of the procedure which will be done either tomorrow or the day after depending on her condition. All we can do now is to give doa that Allah will make the procedure a success and for her speedy recovery. Amin.

It can go any direction from here

2008-01-31T22:20:00.000+08:00

Here's something interesting. I got this from here. Which direction is she spinning? Try making her spin the other way.

click on image to make her dance... blogger can't make her dance

Having troubles.... try to close of one your eyes alternately.

Had fun..... ? Just as some of you can make the figure turn either direction, it seems my life can go any direction from this point in time. Truthfully speaking I don't know which direction is better for me.

Speaking from experience, one thing is certain. I should keep moving just as the figure above keeps spinning. The worst thing I can do now is let the situation paralyze me to a standstill. I shall continue moving forward and praying to be guided to the best path for me.

freak-ed out

2008-01-18T21:46:00.001+08:00

I did this. That was cool. Had fun.
Also did this numbered as 3). That was nice.

Apart from that, I have been freaking out. The pain on my right hand has escalated to a continuous lingering of numbing sensation for the past 2 weeks or so. It gets very demoralizing trying to do assignments with the pain. I probably over-dramatized the whole thing since I don't even know how long this pain will last. Not knowing is the most painful part. I ended up putting off school work hoping to give my hand enough rest. Well, it's still the same. It will seem that I can continue doing the same stuffs, but only I bear my own pain.

This sparked off a thinking spree of "Now what?" One thought leads to another. The pain is just one issues I am facing. But hey, everyone has his own problems or challenges to face.... rite? I ended up contemplating alternative paths of my future. Some of them totally crazy. I suppose I am okay now. It helps to remember that nothing is really yours. Everything belongs to Allah. The fact that I am writing about means that I am ready to face this challenge positively.

One thing for sure, I need to get closer to HIM.

Lost

2008-01-03T15:05:00.000+08:00

Have you seen this?

Have you figured out what it is? Is it toy bear wearing a snow cap? No, then what is it?

It's a little poster my little sister Ainul Sariyah drew. She just started kindergarten 2 this year. She drew a few copies of this poster and started giving the posters away to everyone in the house. It's actually a drawing of her bottle. She could not find her bottle and decided to draw a 'lost' poster. How creative and positive is that? I treasure this kind of little moments at home. The things my little sisters do can put a smile on my face(unlike now, both of them pestering me as I'm blogging). I usually don't mind but I'll try to put them back in line if I need to.

It turns out that she left it at my brother's house. Big bro is still in the phase of moving out bit by bit. My brother has been taking the 2 of them to his house while he attends to whatever a person does before moving permanently. It makes them happy.

It doesn't take much to make little kids happy. So don't pamper them. They'll be happy just to follow me to the library or the shop nearby.

Now she's insisting that I put up a better picture of her drawing of the bottle that she just drew. Both my little sisters love drawing..... too much sometimes. I wonder who I should blame for that?

So enjoy the next masterpiece.

lit·tle [lit-l] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, lit·tler or less or less·er, lit·tlest or least, adverb, less, least, noun

– my long definition

i actually have 3 younger sisters but the other one is already 20, so whenever i say little sisters, it would refer to my primary 3 sister Siti Nurul Nadia and my kindergarten 2 sister Ainul Sariyah. Younger sisters would refer to all three. I now have a big sister too, just recently. My sister-in-law.

Consequences Un-foretold

2007-12-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

Consequences Un-foretold

The weight on my shoulders
Is mine alone
Things that I did
Consequences un-foretold

I bear the weight now
Trudging through the pain
I want to change
Don't wanna stay the same

It feels like I've lost
Something that wasn't mine
Maybe I'll find it
When it's right, when it's time

Like a child in a park
A maze to explore
The world is my playground
I'm sure there's more

Reaching for the stars
With feet firm on the ground
When I'm ready to shine
I wonder if you'll still be around

29 December 2007

My Rant

2007-12-28T10:43:00.000+08:00

I try to resist writing long entries because most people would probably just scan through it. Sometimes, I just can't resist.

So... I've been trying to live based on this statement, "To truly grow as an individual, one has to expose himself to new experiences and challenge his own limiting beliefs."

I've been doing okay. This is not something easy for an introvert who feels most comfortable inside his own head. Islam is a social religion. To be a good muslim, I have to change. Learning to interact well with other people would definitely benefit myself and insyaAllah to other people as well.

Albeit still learning, it gets easier trying to get myself to be more out there. Exposing myself to different experiences and people only serves to remind myself I have still a lot to learn.

It's always a humbling experience to be around peers who are more knowlegeable in Islam. At times, even demoralizing, just thinking who am I in the eyes of Allah. It still gets me, only for short while... and I see it as a good thing. I see it as something to motivate me to trudge on.

I am done living in self pity and sticking to the status quo. I wasted a lot of my time on that. Islam has taught me to live today better than I was yesterday. And tomorrow to be better than today. This by itself is a powerful and empowering notion. This drives me to do things with itqan. Doing the best that I can in everything that I do.

Whenever I feel that I am way behind compared to my peers, I think of this notion, suck it up, re-check my ego and move on. In fact, I am grateful to have these people around.

How does one keep track that today is better than yesterday? The way that I do it is by keeping a muhasabah book. Muhasabah means introspection. What I do is I will try to review what I have done during the day and write my thoughts on how I could have done things better as a muslim. I will review what I have written and strive to change for the better when a new day comes. Writing works for me but may not work for others. Maybe you could just think it through after your solat. Perhaps even talk it through with a close friend. Whatever works for you.

Whatever works for you..... What works for me will not necessarily work for you. A major part of living a rewarding life is to understand yourself. It took me a long time for me to understand myself. Life has been changing for the better ever since. The search of self-discovery is unique to every individual, i guess. If there are tips that I can give, it would be back to what I said earlier, expose yourself to new things. Esteem problems can be a killer. It can stop you from trying. Start small, keep track through muhasabah. Get more knowledge of every kind. When you need to, seek help from someone who is qualified to give advice.

Take a Hike

2007-12-25T11:23:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday NurIkhwan organised a hike at McRitchie. Did some ice breaking. Food was good. Got to know more about one another. It was a day well spent. It was more casual compared to the hike NYPMS organized 2 years ago. It gave the participants more opportunity to mingle. The tasks were fun.

I learnt something about myself in the process. A 'weakness' of mine. I suppose I have to learn to conform to the majority when doing certain things.

Being in McRitchie, and the fact that the rain poured around the same time as it did 2 years ago brought back memories. People who were in NYPMS and the people who are in it now. The way that I saw NYPMS and the way that I see it now.

I see myself taking a different role in NYPMS soon and pass it down. There's still some loose ends to tie. I pray that I can pass it down in a good condition.

The Eid Adha Video

2007-12-21T08:20:00.000+08:00

It has been uploaded and hopefully it will be able to create a ripple, if not, a wave in cyberspace. We learnt a lot from this experience and insyaAllah, we will better our efforts for future videos.

Albeit a little late at releasing the video, I must congratulate the entire team for their enthusiasm especially, and the time that they have put into this video. I feel that it is a decent end-product for a first attempt within a short time frame.

Eid Adha week

2007-12-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

Happy Eid Adha to everyone.

Went shooting at Geylang Serai on Monday for NYPMS network's video on Eid Adha. We want to find out the public's view of Eid Adha and raise awareness in some areas regarding the joyous festival. I was there with the cameraman, none other than Azmi. Our interviewers Huda and Syaheer. Azhar was there after his class.

On Tuesday, the members came to my place to do the editing. Appreciate their help. Azmi came first. Then Aminah and Huda. Followed by Ishak, then Syaheer. Hilwan popped by after his work. Appreciate every help that you guys put in, at the same there's a lot that I learnt from this experience.

We'll have a postmortem of this project real soon. Actually, I'm rendering out the movie as I am typing this.

On Wednesday, I had to rush things trying to finish the video by 5pm. We wanted to have a launch of the video during a overnight camp in conjunction of Eid Adha. Unfortunately, the camp didn't materialize. Had a great experience working under pressure though. Did a 'private' screening and got some feedbacks.

And today... I should have started sending the videos to everyone. I tried to improve the video from the feedback that we received since it carries the brand name of NYPMS network. Pretty pleased with the end result. Currently playing the waiting game of rendering and compressing and will be uploading it on youtube.

Term Break

2007-12-14T05:57:00.000+08:00

After today, 2 weeks of term break begins. Yay!! Time to wind down a little and catch up on school work, freelance work and nypmsn. Big Bro is getting married tomorrow. Sekejap lagi sedara2 dah start datang untuk rewang. I did my fair share of helping out with designing invitation cards and posters. Could have helped out more in the printing part more though. Will play another part tomorrow as saksi and most probably handling of guests and whatever else.

Why am I blogging at this hour? Didnt sleep last night.. had to finish up scanning of drawing assignment. Yup, it's finally done. Had a short nap in the afternoon yesterday though. Later today would probably be another long day, hopefully not entirely work.

Though the week had been hectic, I believe that there is time for everything if you set some time for Allah. By everything here, I mean proper management of time for different things. I can safely say I can feel the sweetness of reading once again. Reading time is relaxing time. Like I said, there is time for everything.

It's Back!

2007-12-06T21:06:00.000+08:00

There's more drawing to be done but I'm forced to take a break from it all. It's back.... and it's a good sign. The pain in my hand that spreads until the back. I have been drawing overtime for assignments and freelance work.

I haven't suffered from this overdrawing for quite some time. It was a frequent occurrence for me the first year and the half of polytechnic. Those were my super-on days with a 3.9 GPA.

That pain in my hand was among the things that I was thinking about. I was putting lots of effort into my schoolwork. When the pain came, it got me thinking, "What if Allah decided to take the nikmat of the use of my hand and I could not draw for a living?"

That's a scary thought. Will I be ready if that happens to me? Cut things short, that thought and many other thoughts boiled up to one big dilemma and one big question, "What's my next move?" You may want to refer to one of my earliest entries.

I took the whole episode as a lesson to learn, and I am still learning to better myself.

Back to the pain. I have a theory as to how I got it. I could be very wrong but I think I first got it while I was working in the airport as a screener. I think when I placed my hand into the x-ray machine to grab a bag(My job was to screen people and check the luggage before people boarded planes). That's when I remember feeling that same pain for the first time. Again... that's just my theory and maybe I am just being paranoid.

Anyway, I try to see the pain as an old friend who checks up on me once in a while. Especially if I am consumed with work. I shall quote Aldous Huxley who once said, "They intoxicate themselves with work so that they won't see how they really are."

Pure hard work is good. However, some people use work as a drug to numb themselves from the real issues that they really need to tackle. Just something to ponder on. Don't be a sloth either.

Truce

2007-12-04T21:22:00.000+08:00

The last couple of weeks had been testing for me. My head and my heart had an epic battle with one another. Now, it seems that the storm has subsided and there's only calm waters in the horizon. Both the head and the heart have said what they needed to and they have come up with a truce.

It made me see clearer of the obstacles that I need to overcome. Some things will need to wait, some things I will need to attend to immediately, other things I need to consistently attend to. :)

Letting Go

2007-11-30T20:30:00.000+08:00

My 16 year old cousin passed away last night around maghrib. The first of the cousins to go. It serves as a reminder for the rest of us that this life is just a test.

another entry whereby mere words can't describe the experience... i'll leave it as this

Go go Emo Rangers

2007-11-28T07:41:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling kinda stupid right about now, trying to play a game I am totally alien at. It's okay though. Still crashing and burning through life experiences and taking in the lessons along the way. I don't let these things get to me so much now since I value the lessons that I get to learn from them.

It's totally fine to feel stupid once in a while. It lets you feel grounded and not get big headed.

Don't watch this if you have better things to do.

Introspective Emo Power.... lol.

Someone Like You

2007-11-27T20:26:00.000+08:00

It's the school holidays for the little kids. It's also typically the season of weddings. A friend of has been saying, "Asyik dapat saman jer, aku pun nak saman orang". I understand the feeling. The 'saman' here is referring to wedding invitation. It's not surprising to be getting the invitations since my peers and I have come to an age where it is suitable to settle down.

The cherry on top of the icing will be my own brother's wedding in a couple of weeks. These got me thinking that marriage is a huge commitment and responsibility for anyone to take. At the same time, it would be nice to have a someone there for you.

I am going to this entry about me and say that I think it would be nice to have someone say the following words to me and really mean it.

Don't let your head rule you heart
Don't let your world be torn apart
Don't keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

I know Its hard when you're feeling down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes but doesn't everybody
You don't always have to agree with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far (what you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (Free)
Let all your emotions run free
You don't always have to agree
With someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me

On a side note, I feel guilty to long for such a thing when I am still dealing with the anxiety of 2 posts ago. Confusing times.

Light of the Truth

2007-11-26T10:35:00.000+08:00

When the truth gets presented right in front of your face, the worst thing a person can do is to deny the truth and go against it out of arrogance. If you fail to introspect the err of your action, your heart will be blinded from the truth.

As you go through life, and insist living life the same way, your heart will continue to be engulfed by a blanket your own arrogance. Don't let your heart be closed from receiving and accepting the light of the truth. This will be your ultimate downfall.

If you are not ready to accept the truth, don't go against it. Admit that you are not ready for a change at that moment. At your own time, get back to the truth and think about it. Get away from worldly distractions and really think about it. Pray that the light of the truth will guide you and mend your ways.

Suspended Animation

2007-11-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

Today, I got a shock to hear that my 16 year-old cousin got hospitalized. She was having an asthma attack and fainted. Her dad was there to rush to the hospital. The vital organs including the heart and brain stopped for 5 minutes. She's in comatose now.

I just pray that she'll recover fully soon and that the family will be strong enough to go through this.

We are all living on borrowed time... Allah's.

Changing the Lens of Viewing Islam

2007-11-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

I was surfing youtube with the intention of inspiring myself with Islam. Here's what I found...

NYPMS Network can do something like this to change the general perception of Islam. Current Affairs Department... something for you guys to think about.

Saturday in School

2007-11-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, by far, was the most meaningful meeting that we had as a club. Started the meeting at 8.30am. I am really glad that you guys are willing to share your hopes and then some more. Delegated jobs to be done but still lots to be done in the near future.

Finally, we got to change the carpets on blk L and blk E mussolah to rubber tiles. I believe we got a good price for the rubber tiles thanks to Siti. Siti only brought a sample. Therefore we needed to get more. Syaheer suggested that the two of us go get more supply. I think it's more because he was ever so enthusiastic to get a chance to pillion on my bike. We took the chance to brave through the dark clouds towards Toa Payoh Lor 1.

It drizzled a bit when we made our way back to school. I'll say this again, "Sorry for the visorless helmet Syaheer." He took some hits from the rain. Haha.... all for a good cause. The day in school ended by around 4pm. Glad that was done and over with. Looking forward for more challenges.

Ray of Light

2007-11-12T15:13:00.000+08:00

I found myself in a situation whereby I was having a conversation very comfortably. I stopped, zoned back into my head and thought to myself, "I feel at peace between my outside world and the world in my head. The two realms can co-exist peacefully. There's still hope for me."

Elaborate on my previous post

2007-11-07T22:18:00.000+08:00

I feel that I need to elaborate on my previous entry....

Problems, or rather, challenges is a fact of life that nobody can run away from. It's going to be there no matter what. I'm old enough to understand that and accept it as a fact of life. I am perfectly fine with it as Allah mentioned in the Quran:

“No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear…”
Surah Al-Baqarah [2:233]

Life is just a test for us mere mortals. Some loses faith of the Creator when faced with problems. They lose faith with the seemingly unfair world. The reason it seems unfair is because it is merely a test and life does not end when you die. The eternal life is in the afterlife. You'll be graded and be sent to either heaven of hell.

My previous entry was more of a realisation of the existence of my ego. Of my feeling that my problems are bigger that anyone else's. I suppose its natural, as with everyone else, to see your problem as a higher priority than other people's problems .

However, as I open my mind to everything around me and interacting a little more with the people around me, I have come to realise that everyone has his own challenges to overcome. What makes mine so special? And those with chronic illnesses... I wonder if I could face such challenges. If we learn to empathise and help one another, life will be so much better for everyone.

Don't be happy if your life seems to be smooth sailing. It only means that Allah is fair. And that you are not strong enough to be tested.

Is that a good thing? Hardly. It means that you will need to introspect your self. Something is probably still missing.

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying "We believe" and that they will not be tested?
Surah Al-Ankabut [29:1]

In conclusion, my challenges are not bigger than anyone else's. It is designed in such a way that I would be rewarded if I am able to react to it in the correct manner. When I do well, I get rewarded. If not in this lifetime, I'll get it in the hereafter.

So, for those of you facing challenges in your life right now, don't despair. You can always turn to Allah for help. You can always try to approach me for help. And the way I will react...... that will be my challenge.

Think about it

2007-11-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

Most of the times, I feel that the problems I face in my life are so much bigger than everyone else's. But seriously, who am I kidding?

Breaking the Code of being Me

2007-11-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

The following is a description of an INTJ(google that to find out more). The tests take I have taken online have shown that I belong to this group although I am borderline in the Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving part. Should you wish to try to understand me better, read on. (in brackets are my added comments)

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it(too much at times, that it feels overwhelming). They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way(i love to understand just as much). Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure(leaving things to chance feels stressful, but it helps that I have people around whom I trust around as support) and organization usually requires that they take some action.

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems(altogether now, SYSTEMS) and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions(it's like a huge web whereby I need to consider every aspect of ideas before forming my own concept of understanding on a particular subject; at times seemingly impossible to put together). The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand(it's just hard for me to explain things). However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable(takes lots of pre-planning), rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts(the little creatures crawling all over the web). They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction(it's not that I don't want to share during brainstorming, it takes time for my cookies to bake. And I don't like half-baked cookies) and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort(Yes, I keep on trying).

INTJs are natural leaders(Amin. I really hope I can be one), although they usually choose to remain in the background(I don't need all that attention) until they see a real need to take over the lead(if it is worth upholding). When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective(as with anything else, with enough practice of course), because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings(this part is not true of me, quite the opposite actually). Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed(but this part, sadly, apply to me). Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas(tell me if this happens).

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system(everything leads to that the big picture). Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things(of course I am, until you can convince me otherwise: and I will listen and put in effort to re-think again). Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party(haiz..... gajah depan mata tak nampak, nyamuk kat sembarang laut tu boleh nampak pulak?? this was so true that my personal growth was impeded for a very long time. Alhamdulillah I see my flaws and strive to change), rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves(isn't it obvious to you? you mean i actually have to explain to you...okay...i'll make a note of it). This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious(silently), self-confident(only recently... after realizing I will never be like the majority and I don't need to), deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns(it's called systems :) ).

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ(duh! and good luck trying, took me forever just to start understanding that. however, i feels there is a hikmah behind it). They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others(i love u too... did i say that out loud?..... it just feels weird or wrong..... unnatural.... that's the word i'm looking for), they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something(true).

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive(i'm not even gonna say), Sensate activities, such as over-drinking(definitely NOT!! i don't smoke either. never tried. been offered a couple of times. but still, never. i've told that i've tried to some people though, due to peer pressure. astaghfirullah.). They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal(this is a killer tendency).

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things(i think everybody does.... as for me, i have to overcome the social aspect first; that's a pain. it's very draining to be around people) They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

Mahram

2007-10-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

I should have blogged about this earlier as a pre-cursor to Hari Raya visiting.

This is regarding the salam (greetings by means of shaking hands). This act is a sunnah when meeting and leaving fellow muslims. However one must be reminded that such an act is prohibited between opposite genders unless that other person is your mahram.

The act of salam involves touching. This is clearly prohibited between non-mahrams. As Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove/School would say, "No... Touchy."

A mahram can be defined as a person whom you cannot marry. We are talking about opposite genders here. No 377A hoo-hahs here. Islam is clearly against homosexuality.

So, who exactly constitute as a person's mahram?

Let's look at the following quran verses...

And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way. (22) Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allâh is Oft¬Forgiving, Most Merciful. (23)

Surah An-Nisa (22-23)

In summary, people who are considered mahrams are divided into 3 parts (this is from the perspective of a woman.... a similar manner can be derived for a man) :

permanent or blood mahrams with whom you become mahram by a blood relationship:
1. father, grandfather, great-grandfather and so on;
2. brother;
3. son, grandson, great-grandson;
4. uncle, parents' uncle, grandparents' uncle and so on;
5. nephew, grandnephew, great-grandnephew and so on;
in-law mahrams with whom you become mahram by marrying someone:
1. father-in-law;
2. son-in-law;
3. step-father (mother's husband) if their marriage is consummated;
4. step-son (husband's son) if her marriage is consummated;
radha' or milk-suckling mahrams with whom you become mahram because of being nursed by a woman. When a woman acts as a wetnurse (that is, she breast feeds an infant that is not her own child) for a certain amount of time under certain conditions, she becomes the child's radha mother and all said about blood mahrams applies here, like radha father/mother, radha sister/brother, radha aunt/uncle and so on. In English these can be referred to as milk brother, milk-mother, etc.

This means that if you are a guy, you can salam your mother's/father's sister. Your grandmother's/grandfather's sister. Your great-grandmother's/great-grandmother's sister and so on.

This also means that if you are a guy, you cannot salam your uncle's(either your mother's or father's brother) wife.

This also means that my Uncle Taufik Batisah, in theory, can salam my great-great-grandmother.

According to Mazhab Syafi'i's teachings, touching a non-mahram is permissable in darurat cases such as treating a sickness, dentistry, surgery and the likes if there is no other like genders around to perform the same job.

For me, sometimes it's very hard to say no when the non-mahram extends her hand and say,"tak salam?" Especially if she's within family but still not considered mahram. One still cannot regard this as darurat. Even if it becomes a norm in society, it does not make the wrong thing right.

We have to be strong to put the commands of Allah at its place. Should we slip, we should seek forgiveness and pray that we will be stronger in the future.

Mini Action of the Day

2007-10-28T12:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my kindergarten one sister was eating biscuits with tea. She made quite a mess with the biscuit crumbs. I decided to help clear the crumbs and armed myself with a broomstick on one hand and a dustpan on the other.

When I was done sweeping, I headed back to the kitchen to empty the dustpan. At the same time my sister was done with her little brunch and was skipping into the kitchen to place her almost empty IKEA porcelain cup of tea on the kitchen of the cabinet. She barely placed the cup on the cabinet before she was dashing off back to the television. She somehow pulled the cup off the cabinet as she was letting go of it.

Everything happened while I was next to her. I saw that the cup was going to slip off the cabinet. My ninja reflex told me to stretch my legs to an almost full split position. It helped that the surface of the kitchen floor is very slidable. The reason I did that was to avoid from getting hit from the pieces of the broken cup when it hits the floor. Innalillah wa inna lillahi rajiun. By this time, little sis was already 2 meters away from the whole thing.

I might have been able to let go my dustpan and caught the falling cup in time if I had stayed in ninja school longer. Alas, I stopped ninja training at brown belt and have been living a pretty sedentary lifestyle post national service days.

That impromptu action resulted a cramp. Hence I was spending Hari Raya Visiting with a cramp.

Journey

2007-10-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

Journey

Life is one complicated journey
You can never be too sure
What will happen till it happens
Walking through time
There's bound to be regrets
Don't let them eat you away
Initial disappointments inevitable
Rise up from the dead
Or die before your soul separates from your body
Change
Something that you must face
Either you change yourself
Or let things change for the worse naturally
Life is your journey
Basically you choose your path
Answering the choices you make
And end up dying for it

29 December 1998

Looking back at this. I see that I had an idea of how to get out from whatever situation that I was going through.

What was difficult was probably not having the confidence to begin with. And get help. Getting help is important. I learnt that from Man-At-Arms from the newer He-Man cartoon series. He-Man the cartoon serious has a tradition of sharing the lesson learnt from the story after every episode. From that particular episode, Man-At-Arms was saying that getting help is a sign of strength. Of course you don't ask for help for every little thing.

"Asking for help is a sign of strength."

Learning life lessons from cartoons?? Whatever works for you Fir... Weird?... maybe a little. But I hope my animation can have the same kind of effect on others.

Force yourself, especially when you are feeling inspired to change. Start small and eventually you will stretch your comfort zone. Easier said than done, but not impossible.

Change is a small word that is so hard to do. Just as with anything else, it gets easier with practise.

Raya Update... finally

2007-10-22T08:59:00.000+08:00

Taking a break to finally blog on Raya this year. School just started last week and I have been busy with some other things...

The first day of Raya is different this year. Nenek(grandma) celebrated Eid fitri in the holy land of Mekah. Therefore, there wasn't the usual gathering of uncles and aunts of my mother's side at home. Nenek lives with us.

The guys went to En-Naeem mosque to perform the Eid Fitri prayers. There was a jenazah on that day. That, sort of sets a different mood to the whole Raya feeling. It serves us as a reminder that death can come at any time.

Reflecting on it, I thought that, to have that many people pray for you is really something. But it must be totally devastating for his family though.

The sequence of the prayers was, firstly the Eid Fitri prayers, followed by the jenazah prayers. Finally, the Eid Fitri khutbah(sermon). Learnt something new.

Later at home, I hugged my parents and sought for forgiveness. Sought forgiveness from my siblings as well.

Then the raya-ing begins. First stop was of course, my paternal grandmother's place. Then it was off to Pak Busu's(youngest uncle) house. He lives just a few blocks from grandma. Unfortunately, this year when we made our way to his place, he was making his way to grandma's place. So, we didn't manage to stop by his place. However, we made a traditional stop to take a photograph at the mini garden next to the void deck of Pak Busu's place.

2005

2007

2007 with parents (dad is quite a poser)

2006's pic is lost in bro's stolen laptop. The so-called tradition might end this year, since big bro is getting married in December this year. Things will change and new traditions will emerge. :)

The Final Stretch

2007-10-10T01:45:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday marks the end of iftars with tertiary institutions for me. Friday was with Ngee Ann Polytechnic's NPMSS and NPMCC. Saturday was with Singapore Polytechnic's SPMLS. While Sunday was with our ally Temasek Polytechnic's Nur Ikhwan. Too bad, I could only go after 6pm for Nur Ikhwan's event.

Went to the events as an avid observer, hoping to learn as much as I can. Came up with some conclusions.I shall share a little here. Saw familiar and new faces. Networked.

NP's video showcase was a smack in a face. It's a sad reality check for the muslims community. SP had a youthful ustaz share about the theme I am a H.I.P muslim. Humble, Intellectual and Passionate. I have my own interpretation to it. The better word for humble is qanaah. It means to remain unaffected whether a person praises you or criticizes you, for you know that whatever you do is for Allah. My word for passionate is itqan. It is to give your best in whatever you do.

TP's helping to clean the old folks homes and befriending is commendable. Let's not make it a once a year thing. Make it a part of life. Talk to the old man who always sit at your void deck. Go down 15 minutes earlier when you are fetching your little sister, who takes the school bus, from the void deck. Not only will you be a listening ear for them, you can learn about things of the past that you never knew about. Hear their regrets in life and aim not to repeat their mistakes. It will make you want to prepare for old age.